Tripping
by mind-the-apostrophe
Summary: When Tonks falls in love she doesn't do so gracefully - she trips. How typical. The extended story will begin with her first day in the Order and follow her friendship and later relationship with our favorite ex-professor, R. J. Lupin.
1. Chapter 1 : A New Member

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Harry Potter, the story, or the characters.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

The nervousness boiled inside Tonks' stomach like water.

A firm hand gasped her arm. Tonks looked up and saw Mad-Eye by her side. She tried to give him a self-assured smile. She knew that for Mad-Eye, a rough grasp was about the warmest gesture he could bestow.

"Constant vigilance." He said, winking as he past and went through the meeting room door.

Now Nymphadora Tonks was quite alone in a dark and dusky hall of Grimauld Place, her elder cousin Sirius' house. She sighed and looked around. The beheaded house elves stuck on the walls didn't ease that fluttering feeling which was dominating her midsection. Still, she couldn't help but chuckle at the ancient Black family decorations. Her late aunt had the most peculiar taste.

"They're ready for you." She heard a deep voice call from the cracked door. Her ministry boss Kingsley Shacklebolt signaled for her to come inside.

Collecting herself in one last fleeting moment, she gathered courage and entered the dimmed dinning room. Her gaze met several faces sitting around that table. The one directly across from her was Sirius. His worn but jovial face was one comfort she couldn't do without. To his left were Molly and Arthur Weasley and two of their sons. Mad-Eye, Kingsley, the famous sneer of Severus Snape, and the twinkling eyes of Albus Dumbledore also shone at her as she stood before the mysterious group.

Kingsley's deep voice rang out once more. "Ms. Tonks. You are about to be inducted into the Order of the Phoenix. Are you aware of the responsibility you are taking on?"

"Yes, I am." She answered determinedly. "I'm ready."

"How old are you, exactly?" Mrs. Weasley asked a twinge speculation in her tone.

Tonks glanced sideways at Bill. "Your eldest son's age, Mrs. Wealsey. Twenty-five."

Mad-Eye stood up. "Enough Questions. Let's get on with this, shall we?" he said unceremoniously.

"Indeed. " Dumbledore agreed. "For if Nymphadora wasn't more than able and trustworthy, I assure you, she wouldn't have made it this far." He took out his wand and extended his right hand so it pointed to the center of the table. "I suggest we do as Moody says and 'get on with it'!"

The order members present mimicked his actions until each wand pointed to the center of the table. Beams of red light emitted from each and met in a focal point. Kingsley nodded at Tonks and she joined them. A red phoenix rose from the light and over their heads like an eerie, red patronus.

The bonds still intact, Dumbledore called out to her, "Do you vow to serve the other members of this body loyally?"

"I do." She answered.

"Do you, Nymphadora Tonks, swear to uphold justice, tolerance, morality, and love in the Wizarding World?"

"I do."

"And do you promise to remain silent about the secret workings of the organization and the identities of its members?"

"I do."

The phoenix burst into flames and the red light disappeared, leaving the room dim and damp once more. Though the red light from her wand was gone, Tonks could still feel the warmth in her fingers. Through the smoke which was left behind she managed to see a wide smile on her cousin's face.

"Welcome, Nymphadora." He said teasingly.

She rolled her eyes. "Don't call me that, you puppy."

The Order members' laughter broke the somber silence.

Without warning, the door banged open and Tonks quite literally tripped over her own feet at the sound, grabbing her wand instinctually as she did so. A strong pair of arms caught her and she looked up into a pair of blue-grey eyes. The man, still holding her up, raised his eye brows at her. It was then at Tonks realized her wand was pointed directly against his throat. She lowered it hastily and her hair flushed red.

"Well, Moony, that's what you get for being late. New Order policy; you must be subject to threats from newly inducted members!" Sirius joked.


	2. Chapter 2 : Catching Up with Firewhiskey

**Chapter 2**

After what seemed like an eternity of uncomfortable silence, the tall man let Tonks go. "Remus Lupin." He said shaking her hand.

She returned the grip. "Nymphadora Tonks, but just call me Tonks. Unfortunately, I'm related to him." She nodded over to Sirius.

Remus chuckled. "My condolences. Not many would admit that in public, I think." He took a seat next to Charlie Weasley and Tonks settled on his other side.

"Well, Remus is back, so I'll be off for guard duty." Mr. Weasley said and left the table.

The Order began to fill Tonks in on the latest developments: the prophecy, guard duty at the Ministry, recruitment, rumors of Voldemort's location, and the plan to pick-up Harry Potter at the end of the summer.

"We should have a good number on that one." remarked Mrs. Weasley with a maternal air.

"I'm going." Remus said simply. "I haven't seen Harry in quite some time."

"Me too." Sirius said.

"Don't be silly, Sirius." Tonks interjected. "You're a wanted man. I'll join Remus."

"You can't blame me for trying..." he mumbled.

Kingsley and Mad-Eye also offered to join in the "rescue party." After the order went over the particulars, the meeting was adjourned. Some people apparated back to their homes while others stayed for dinner. Molly Weasley insisted that Tonks stay ("After your first meeting you deserve a good feast"). Only she, Lupin, and Sirius were left with the Weasley clan.

"It's been a while Tonks." Bill said as he passed her the potatoes.

"I'll say." She answered.

"We used to cause some trouble together back at Hogwarts." He explained to the family.

"Excellent." Fred and George said in unison.

"So, you're an auror?" Ron Weasley asked between mouthfuls.

"Yep. For a year now." She caught Remus Lupin looking at her, but he turned his head very quickly.

"Never thought you would be." Bill said laughing. "You should've seen her in school. She was the clumsiest girl in existence. Couldn't go two feet without making enough noise to wake the castle."

"Yes." Retorted Tonks, "but I could still jinx the jelly right out of you, couldn't I, Mr. Head Boy?"

Ginny giggled from the across the table and Billy cleared his throat.

"You always did have spunk." Sirius beamed. "My little cousin."

When they finished dinner, the Weasley family went back to the burrow by floo power, leaving Remus, Tonks, and Sirus quite alone in the house. Tonks was about to leave herself, but a lonely look in her cousin's eye made her hesitate.

"How often does he get out?" she whispered to Remus.

"Almost never," he said. The two locked eyes and for an instant Tonks knew the same thought was running through their minds. She smiled widely at her new acquaintance.

"Ohh Sirus!" Tonks said loudly, strolling into the study, dragging Lupin with her by his sleeve. "We have some catching up to do."

She conjured a large bottle of firewhiskey and three goblets on the table. Sirius looked up and grinned broadly.

"Oh, Dora dear, how you've grown up."

* * *

Twelve hours later regret and dizziness sunk in. Tonks felt as though her head had a pulse.

"Good Morning!" The Weasley Twins shouted as they entered Grimauld place for breakfast.

Sirus, Lupin, and Tonks all let out simultaneous groans due to the excess volume.

"Someone had fun last night." Fred said in a sing song voice.

Tonks' smile came out more like a grimace.

"Here, Remus." Molly said as she placed a large stack of pancakes in front of Lupin. "These should help." Remus looked down at the food as if to question whether digesting was possible in his present state.

"Wotcher, Remus. Feeling better?" Tonks asked Remus as they cleared away the dishes after breakfast.

"Anything for Sirius, right?" he said. "I can't remember the last time I was that, well..."

She laughed. "You seemed to be enjoying yourself quite a lot, though."

"Maybe too much."

"I've got guard duty tomorrow night. Would you like to join? Two wands are better than one, after all." Tonks said, twirling hers between her fingers.

Lupin looked uncomfortable. "I can't. I'll be...busy." He brushed his brown and grey streaked hair out of his face.

"Oh right." Tonks said understanding. "Sorry, mate. I forgot it was the full moon."

Lupin almost dropped the stack of plates he was balancing. "Wait, how did you-?"

"You told me last night." She explained. "Sometime after your fourth- no, fifth glass."

Lupin stared at the young woman in front of him. Her expression was completely calm and casual. He had grown accustomed to peoples' negative reactions to his monthly condition, but he'd never he stumbled across apathy before.

"Excuse me?" he asked again to clarify.

"You're a sloppy drunk, Remus." She teased. "And don't worry. Speaking from one shape shifter to another, I understand."

"But you can control your power, can't you?" he said.

"Maybe as an adult with fully developed skills."she explained. "but as a child you can't at all. When I let emotions get the better of me, my appearance often changes. Still, I don't pretend to deal with as much as you do. You're very brave, Remus"

Lupin raised his eye brows again. Brave? Did she just call him brave? Did the young, unique, and very pink woman before him just call Remus John Lupin brave?

"Has anyone ever told you that you're rather strange?" he asked Tonks.

"Oh all the time!"


	3. Chapter 3 : Unexpected Tears

**Chapter 3**

Fortunately, Tonks' initial expectations about the Order were proven wrong. In her mind, she'd imagined endless spying and fighting in a constant cloud of fear. Though parts of that assumption had been true, she felt relieved to discover an unexpected benefit from being in the Order for the Phoenix: family. There was a bond she felt with each member that made her feel safe. She felt purposeful for the first time in her career (not that she didn't see the full importance behind the mountains of paperwork her boss shoved on her desk daily). She felt whole and happy, despite the looming darkness. Even Grimauld place was becoming more cheerful as its rooms and halls were filled with noises (mostly from Fred and George) and friendly faces.

"Tonks!" Moody called to her before leaving headquarters after a meeting. "Been meaning to give you this." He handed her a long list of spells and charms, most of which Tonks had never seen or heard of.

"Wha-?"

"For your London Flat." He explained. "In a bit of a public, spot, eh? Not too smart, in my opinion. Best be putting more protection over your home. People in the ministry talk, you know. Some have begun to suspect you might be connected to the Order."

She stowed the list in her back pocket. "No worries, Moody. I spend most of my nights here anyway."

"Good." He grumbled, walking toward the door, the portrait of Mrs. Black screaming after him.

"Oh shut up, you old bat!" Tonks cried, silencing it with a flick of her wand.

Calm filled the hallway again and Tonks strode into the kitchen, ready to make supper. Molly Weasley, who had taken a habit of making meals at Number twelve, was gone that night. After sending four of her children plus Harry on the Hogwarts express that morning, she must've been resting at the Burrow with Arthur. Tonks, though clumsy, could still cook well with magic so she tied on an apron and began preparing.

"Need help?" Remus' voice called out from the doorway.

Tonks had just dropped chopped carrots and meat into a large pot to shimmer. "Maybe a little." She said.

To her surprise, Remus took up a knife with his hands and began chopping the onions.

"No magic?" she asked. "Impressive."

He shook his head. "Had an accident with a magical cooking knife several years ago. Never really recovered..." he admitted.

Tonks smiled at his honesty. She liked him for it.

"Where's that cousin of mine? Why isn't he here?"

It Lupin raised his eyebrows (a trademark of his, Tonks noticed). "Siruis? In the kitchen? You should know him better than that."

Tonks let out a sigh. "Of course..." She heard a small sniffle and looked up. "Remus...Remus? Are you alright?"

"I-I... I don't know." Lupin said through confused tears.

"Is there something wrong?"

"No...I don't know why..."

Tonks looked down and laughed as she began to understand. "Remus, you're chopping onions!"

"So?" he asked, still confused by his own behavior. "Make it stop!" he cried in a very un-Lupin like manner.

Just then Sirius, no doubt lured in by the smell, walked into the kitchen.

"Good God, Moony. Am I interrupting some female bonding?" he asked

Tonks glared at him and waved him away. Lupin wiped his eyes and cleared his throat. "That was quite embarrassing."

"You didn't know any better." Tonks said. She looked up into his now tear-stained face. She saw some premature lines awkwardly sprinkled on his still young features. They looked displaced. She made a playful face at him and he laughed.

"Almost finished?" he asked.

"Almost." She answered, using her wand to stir the soup. "So, I suppose this is the only time I'll get to see you cry?"

"I hope so." Lupin said, his features now animated. "Are you staying to night?" he asked

"I'd love to Remus, but you know over-protective Sirius. He might disapprove."

Lupin turned pink at her joke. "You know what I mean..."

"Of course I am!" Tonks said, now pouring the soup into three bowls. "It's not like I have anything better to do. You?"

"Same." He said. "Plus, Sirius..."

Tonks nodded. He didn't need to explain. Sirius was always in need of company and the two of them seemed to take it upon themselves to fulfill the duty. They were more than happy to. For the past few months Tonks had been spending more and more time at her cousin's home. Lupin, who'd been separated from his close friend for over twelve years, had time to make up for. Still, Tonks wasn't just visiting to please Sirius now. Her friendship with Lupin was easy and understanding right from the beginning and though she'd never admit it aloud, his company was a large part of the reason she looked forward to spending time at Grimauld Place.

After dinner the three talked, mostly about random things; quidditch, women (Tonks rolled her eyes), Hogwarts, and the Order. The subject of Harry Potter came up as well. His pick-up from the Dursely's had gone quite smoothly ("Well, except for that earthquake you caused in their kitchen, little Tonksy" Sirius pointed out). When Sirius talked about his godson his eyes lit up. Tonks could tell he loved him very much. She gave Lupin a side-glance. He eyes were gentle, but she thought she could make out a twinge of regret behind them.

"Well, I'm of to bed, gentlemen." Tonks said, getting up.

"Yes, it's past her bedtime."

Tonks rolled her eyes at Sirius. "Work early in the morning." She explained.

"And in case you haven't noticed." She retorted. "I'm in my twenties, Mr. Black."

She had the feeling that Sirius would never remember that essential fact. She said her final good-nights and went straight to bed.


	4. Chapter 4 : In Which Lupin Worries

**Chapter 4**

"Ahhhh!" Tonks toppled down the stairs and into a familiar figure

"Wotcher, Remus!" she said as he helped her up. "Thanks for that." She stood and straightened her robes.

He cleared his throat. "You look nice today, Nymphadora."

"Oh thanks!" she looked down at the magenta and black robes she was sporting. "I've got a work meeting."

Lupin gave his signature eyebrow raise. "Quite dressy for a work meeting."

"Well,it's a dinner meeting, I suppose. Yeah..."

"With who?" he asked.

"A bloke I work with." Tonks said. She checked her reflection in the mirror and changed her hair to a straight, shoulder length black. "Don't really like him much, but Moody reckons he's on to me, so I said yes to dinner to ward off suspicion." Tonks looked down at her watch. "Shoot! I'm late. Gotta go... bye Remus!"

* * *

"Who is this guy she's having dinner with?" Lupin asked Sirius later that night.

Sirius was sitting on the sofa reading the Daily Prophet. "No idea." He said as he skimmed the headlines. "After all, I haven't had the opportunity to meet a lot of new people lately, Moony."

"I mean, she should at least tell us her location, you know, for safety reasons." He said.

Sirius looked up from the paper. "Safety reasons? You serious, Moony? Dora might be young but I think we can trust her not to choke over her dinner salad."

"You never know!" Lupin interjected. "She said this guy from the ministry was on to her and the Order. What if he slips her something? What if he takes her into custody? You know very well how the ministry feels about the Order now!"

"Calm down, Remus." Sirus said. "I swear, if anyone's going to be overprotective, it's me. She's my bloody cousin."

Lupin sat back tapping his foot anxiously, surveying the room as if trying to find something to do or focus on.

Two hours later, a disheveled looking Tonks stumbled into the foyer, causing the portrait of Mrs. Black to yet again erupt with insults. Her robes were wrinkled and her hair, which was now flashing pink, was undone and frizzy. She slammed the door and shuffled into the parlor.

"Wotcher, Remus." She said trying to sound casual, though she looked far from it.

Lupin stood up. "What happened?" he surveyed her appearance and then quickly asked, "Were there death eaters? Did you fight-?"

"Relax," she said. "No dark magic at work here, boys." Tonks tossed her hand bag on the sofa and plopped herself down next to Remus' spot.

"Why so-?" Siruis began asking as he looked at her robes. " Ohhh." He said a sly smile creeping up on his face. "I see."

"What?" Remus said more loudly than he realized.

Tonks rolled her eyes. "Oh please, Sirius. You've been cooped up far too long. Get that mind of yours out of the gutter, will you? It was nothing like that."

Relief swept over both men.

"The creep just came on to me, is all." She said straightening her robes.

The relief was short-lived.

"I'd like to remind you," Tonks chimed in before her angry friend and cousin could let out a word, "I am a trained witch and am more than capable of defending myself and then some. It turns out, Reynolds didn't even suspect me of being in the Order. Moody was wrong. He just wanted to...well...you know." She blushed slightly. "I suppose it serves me right for taking dating advice from Moody. Tea, anyone? I think I'll make some." She got up and left for the kitchen swiftly, leaving the two concerned men alone again again.

"I guess she can take are of herself. No need to worry, right Remus?" said Sirius, not even bothering to hide his suggestive smile.


	5. Chapter 5 : Order Bickering

**Chapter 5**

"No one was on post last night from the hours of nine to two!" bellowed Moody.

The meeting room of Grimauld place vibrated from his echo.

"It wasn't assigned!" Mr. Weasley assured. "There was a mistake with the schedule."

"That's impossible!" cried Sirius. "I made that thing."

Snapes drawling voice rang out from a corner of the room. "It's not like there's anything else you can do..."

"You! You!" Sirius banged his fist down on the table.

"The point is that the prophecy is still safe." said Kingsley. Molly nodded in agreement. "This won't happen again, I'm sure."

Sirius and Moody were fuming, but the meeting dragged on to a new topic.

Molly cleared her throat and began to speak, ignoring both Snape and Sirius' death stares. "As you know, my children and Harry will be coming here for their winter holidays in a few weeks time. I just want to clarify now before there are any more disputes. Harry will not be informed of any details concerning the workings of this organization."

"But-" began Sirius.

"No!" Molly cried. "This is final. The more he knows the less danger we will be putting him in."

"You really think so?" Snape asked skeptically.

"Oh sod off, Snape." Sirius cried.

Snape gave a cold look and rose, leaving the room abruptly.

"Sirius, please." Lupin said as he left. "You must at least respect him."

"Respect is earned, Remus."

"We didn't form this organization so we could sit in a room and bicker all night, Sirius. Please, whatever our course we must be united." Lupin reminded him

Tonks nodded gravely. She loved Sirius, but she had to admit, that his moods had been getting worse with each passing day in the confides of headquarters.

"Who's on guard duty tonight?" Kingsley asked with a tired tone.

"I am." Lupin said.

"Alright, then." Arthur said. "I suppose we're done for tonight, everyone."

They cleared out quickly. Lupin lingered a moment and chatted quietly with Sirius. Tonks watched as Lupin calmed his friend down from the events of the meeting. She wrapped her purple coat around her slender figure getting ready to leave.

She was outside Grimmauld place, walking toward a group of trees she normally disapperated from, when she heard a voice behind her.

"Nymphadora."

"Merlin, Remus!" she said tripping slightly at the sound of her first name. "You scarred me."

"Sorry." He said, following her. "You didn't talk much in the meeting today."

"Honestly, I still feel rather new." She said.

"I understand." Funny how Lupin always understands, thought Tonks.

"Need company tonight?" she asked him.

"No. You should get your rest. I'm fine alone."

They reached the wooded area and walked inside to avoid any muggle onlookers.

"Not staying the night a Grimmald place, then?" Lupin asked her before leaving.

She shook her head. "Sirius needs to cool off tonight. He should be alone."

He nodded.

She turned to face him and noticed for the first time how tall he really was. Tonks had to look up to keep eye contact.

"Well, bye then." She said.

Lupin gave a half-smile and turned on the spot quickly, finally disapperaing into the night.

* * *

A few minutes later Tonks was jiggling the keys to her flat, but the door refused to open. Cautiously looking around to see no one was there she whispered, "Ahlohamora" under her breath.

The door clicked and she walked into her messy, but cozy home. Tonks had chosen to live in a muggle area of London. She liked the idea of leaving the Wizarding World at night. In her small living room were a few chairs and a plain but comfy couch. A television sat in the center of the wall (she'd always had a weakness for it), and picture frames lined the walls all around the room.

She made her way to the bedroom and took off her boots and robes. Her body was sore and tired, but her mind wouldn't let her fall asleep. She kept thinking about the meeting and her cousin's problems. For some reason, she also couldn't get Remus' look out of her mind. His little half smile and that sad expression he always let slip out when Harry was mentioned.


	6. Chapter 6 : An Awkward Confrontation

**Chapter 6**

Several days past and most of the drama from the last meeting had blown over. Molly and Sirius were almost getting along. Tonks suspected it was the Christmas season working its magic on them. Decorations were placed everywhere at number twelve. Even amongst the chaos of the Order, no one could deny (except for maybe Snape) that headquarters had become a cheerier place.

"Pass me those string lights, Sirius." Molly said.

"Glad to," he said using the hover charm.

Tonks was walking though the first floor, trying to find something to do. She wasn't even sure why she was at headquarters. She'd just finished a double shift of guard duty and felt exhausted, but for some reason she felt drawn back to number twelve.

"Tonks," Mr. Weasley said starting to get up to leave for the ministry himself. "Thank you so much for switching with me. I just had this meeting, and I-"

"Don't mention it Arthur." She assured, trying to suppress a wide yawn. "Glad to do it."

"Why don't you go upstairs and wash-up. By the time you're done I'm sure Molly will have a wonderful spread made out."

Tonks could only manage to nod drowsily at the suggestion. She watched him leave for duty and she slowly made her way up the stairs to the washroom. She was so distracted by the insides of her eyelids she failed to notice the sounds already coming from the bathroom until-

"Ah!" she yelped, jumping straight in the air. She'd just walked in on Lupin stepping out of the shower. Her eyes ran over a flash of human flesh and she, in an attempt to preserve decorum and modesty closed her eyes at the same time she tried to escape, resulting in a rather painful slip on the wet tile.

"Oh my god!" she heard that familiar male voice say. Her head was throbbing but she was determined to kept her eyes shut. "Are you alight?"

"I'm so sorry!" she cried. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" she repeated. "Ow!" she cried as she felt him try and stand her up. Before she could open her eyes or protest, Lupin picked her up form the ground and carried her out of the bathroom.

"I'm fairly decent, Nymphadora." He said as he carried her into the bedroom she usually stayed in and placed her gently down on the comforter.

She opened her eyes slowly to see a bare-chested Lupin pulling out the wand from her pocket and muttering a healing spell on her ankle. The pain stopped.

"Thank you." She said tentatively. Lupin only had a towel around his waist and was still sopping wet, as he didn't have very long to dry himself after his shower.

She saw a few scars on his body, and one large one across his chest. She shifted uncomfortably in bed.

"Are you sure you're alright?" he asked, drops of water running down his face and chest from his long hair. Tonks saw the faints ghost of scars which lay over his muscles.

She nodded feeling very embarrassed and Lupin turned and walked out of the room.

Thoughts zoomed through Tonk's head. Most of them were mortifying, but a few jumped into her mind that weren't completely unsatisfactory...

_What's wrong with me? _she thought shaking her head. _I am not attracted to Remus Lupin. I am not!_ Still she couldn't seem to shake those images, nor the tingling feeling that had erupted throughout her entire body.

"Oh no." she said aloud to the empty room.


	7. Chapter 7 : An Even MORE Awkward Apology

**Chapter 7**

Tonks came to the hasty conclusion that the feelings from earlier in the day were natural instincts. She repeated this to herself over and over again: _Lupin is decent looking and was naked. I'm a woman who has had a dry love life lately...it was an instinctual attraction that wouldn't last_. Satisfied with this interpretation of events, Tonks was determined to go on as normally as possible.

She passed Sirius in the upstairs hallway draping holly over doorways. "Look a little peaky there." He said.

She didn't respond except for a grimace and continued on down the stairs.

"Tonks!" Molly said as she saw her walk into the kitchen. "Look who's here!"

Bill Weasley was leaning against the counter with a friendly grin. "Heya Tonks."

"Bill, tell Tonks here about your promotion at work." Molly said beaming.

"Wow," Tonks said. "That's great Bill. Congratulations."

"Yes," Mrs. Weasley interjected before her son got the chance. "He's been saving. You know...for the future. Tonks, you look lovely today. I do love your hair that length."

Tonks kept on smiling but mentally rolled her eyes. Mrs. Weasley had taken a liking to Tonks lately. Perhaps it was her dedication to the order or her sense of humor, Tonks didn't really know. Still, somehow it had dawned upon Molly that Bill and Tonks would make the perfect couple. She'd done everything but actually vocalize it.

Been there, done that...Tonks thought to herself glancing at Bill.

"Yeah!" Bill finally got the chance to speak. "I'll be working on defensive spells for vault security in London. Experiments and stuff."

Tonks nodded with genuine interest. She gave him credit, for Bill was always dedicated.

"And I've got a new girlfriend." He said. He shot his mother a quick side-glance. Tonks tried not to laugh at her horrified reaction.

"Who, dear?" Molly asked, cutting bits of carrot so that they went flying in every which way. "Anyone I know?"

"Actually- yes." He said. "Fleur Delacoeur."

Just as Mrs. Weasley was about to open her mouth to no doubt bolt questions at her son, Remus Lupin strode into the Kitchen. As usual he was collected, but only Tonks noticed how he hesitated ever so slightly at the sight of her.

"Evening." He said. Tonks tried to smile, but wasn't sure if it came out right.

* * *

The evening went by with enough awkwardness for a lifetime. Tonks hadn't even kept count of all the dishes she'd spilled during dinner. The fact that she was sitting right next to Lupin, brushing against his elbow every few minutes did no help. Bill gave her a peculiar look but continued to eat. Sirius took no notice to her odd behavior.

It was late that night, almost midnight, and she debated whether or not she should apparate back to her flat or not. Remus was most likely staying there. Should she stay too? She'd made up her mind to leave for the night and put this odd day behind her, when she saw Lupin walk by in the hallyway. She couldn't help but take advantage of their temporary privacy.

She grasped his arm to stop him and her words spilled out like the soup from dinner. "Remus, I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine...it was so embarrassing! For you as well, I suppose. Still, thanks for helping me after I fell. I can't believe I did that. I'm normally very respectful of other people's privacy-"

"Dora-"

"No," she cut him off. "I feel mortified and I completely deserve it. Not that seeing you was mortifying-that's not what I meant! I mean, it was fine. It was great. Not great! I mean, it's not like I'm going to do it again-which I'm not! I swear!"

"I-"

"I'm so sorry! I just can't say it enough! I hope this doesn't ruin out friendship or make you awkward around me or something. And don't worry because I haven't breathed a word of this to Sirius-"

He snorted. "I'm glad-"

"I promise you, I didn't even see that much. Well, I saw a lot, but nothing I haven't seen before. Well, not on you. Did I mention I'm sorry? Would it help if you saw me naked? Because we can go in the other room, I don't mind-"

"Nymphadora!" Lupin bellowed through his laughter. "Calm down, please. We're both adults."

"Yes." She said, beginning to relax. "We are."

"And don't worry, I don't need to see you naked."

"Oh. Right." She said, wondering why she had a small but bizarre feeling of disappointment.

"Remus! Tonks!" Sirius' voice rang throughout the house. "Molly! Is Molly still here?" his tone was urgent. The two scrambled to the foot of the stairs and Tonks instinctively put her hand on her wand. Molly burst into the room in her night gown with Bill at her heels.

"It's Arthur."


	8. Chapter 8 : I'm Glad it Wasn't You

**Chapter 8**

They acted swiftly. Molly sprang into action as fast as her face had fallen at the news. She was stuffing every potion possible from her personal stash into a small handbag.

"I have to go to the ministry." She said, a wild, focused look in her eye.

"Molly," Lupin said, putting his coat on. "Tonks and I will go. Your children will be arriving any minute. They'll need you."

She nodded, falling back in a chair that Bill had just conjured for her.

Without a word or thought, Lupin took Tonks by the hand and guided her out of the door. The next thing she knew, he'd apparated them to the Ministry. They took the visitor's entrance. The lobby was completely empty. Their running footsteps echoed against the marble walls and floor as they sprinted to the nearest elevator. When they reached the department of mysteries they found Kingsley hovering over Arthur.

Tonks let out a small gasp at the sight. His neck, shoulder, and side were covered with blood, deep gashes shown where the snake had bitten him. She quickly summoned the essence of dittany from Mrs. Weasley's bag and began dressing his wounds.

"Some of the bleeding has stopped but I don't know what to do about the venom. Lupin, you need to take him to Mungo's. The Minister heard of an intruder and is on his way. I have to smooth things over."

Lupin nodded his pale face while Tonks used a featherweight charm on Mr. Weasley to get him to the Flu network. They couldn't have arrived at St. Mungo's a moment later, according to the healer. About an hour later, they were sitting in an empty waiting room completely silent.

Lupin looked over and saw Tonks, her hair drooping and faded, her features darker. Her tapping foot was the only sound in the room.

"That should've been me." She said suddenly.

Lupin did a double take. Did he just say that? He thought. "Don't, Dora." He said softly.

"I switched shifts with him." She said, trying to keep his voice even. "He has kids." She said, turning to lock Lupin's grey-blue eyes with her own. Lupin turned away quickly from her gaze as if stung by the meaning behind it.

There was another still moment then Lupin said something quite unexpected. "I'm glad it wasn't you."

"What?"

"Mr. Lupin?" the healer said from the door. Lupin got up without a word and went to talk to him.

"He's going to make it, but he's lost a lot of blood. The wounds are healing slowly, but they're healing." Lupin explained to her as they made their way back to Grimauld Place. When they arrived back, they just caught a glimpse of Molly and the children getting ready to travel by Floo Powder. Tonks looked at Ginny Weasley's scared face and felt her heart sink. Molly was bustling over her children, practically shoving them into the fireplace. Harry was there too. Tonks saw Lupin open his mouth as if to say something to him, but stopped himself abruptly.

"Thank you, both." She said sincerely before she disappeared into the flames after the Harry.

They were left alone again. Sirius had passed out in an awkward sitting position at the kitchen table. They made their way to the sitting room and collapsed on separate couches.

Tonks desperately wanted to ask him about what he said in the hospital waiting room, but she decided against it. Those words – _"I'm glad it wasn't you"_- were ringing through her head just waiting to be interpreted. She shook her head. No, she couldn't let herself go there. Instead, she brought up another topic that had been on her mind.

"It's been so long since Harry's been here." Tonks commented eying Lupin to gauge his reaction.

"Yes." Was his only reply.

"You know, Remus. You don't have to do that."

"Do what?"

"The strong thing." Tonks said.

"Excuse me?" Lupin looked thoroughly confused.

"You know." Tonks said, straightening up and looking at her friend. "The stoic silent bit, where you are purposefully distant. Oh don't raise you eye brow at me!" Tonks said as Lupin reacted in his signature way. "You know exactly what I'm talking about. You're very good."

"Look, I don't see how this is any of your business." Lupin said more coldly than he intended.

Tonks let out a huff. "Fine." She picked up a copy of the Daily Prophet and tried to read.

"Why would I purposefully try and distance myself from him?" Lupin asked, obviously still thinking about what Tonks had said.

She smiled behind her paper. She knew he'd cave in. "You tell me."

Lupin looked frustrated.

"Has no one seriously confronted you about this before?" Tonks asked bewildered.

"NO, of course not." Lupin said.

"That's surprising." She replied. "I've barely known you for half a year and I've explored uncharted waters."

"Or maybe you're just being rude." Lupin shot back.

"Of course I'm being rude!" Tonks said, almost wanting to laugh. "I'm butting into your business. You're the one that brought it up again."

"But you brought it up in the first place!" he cried.

"Wait- what are we arguing about again?"

"How I distance myself from Harry on purpose!" He said, his exasperation growing.

"Ah!" Tonks said smirking. "So you admit it!"

He rolled his eyes and leaned back, his face turning pink. "Tonks, it's been a long evening. If you have a point please get to it."

She stood up from the couch and cracked her back. Lupin winced.

"Sorry if I agitated you Remus. It was well meant." She answered. "I just wanted to say that though Sirius is a great godfather and friend to Harry you two are very different kinds of good men. I didn't know him, but I'm sure James left this world hoping that both of you would help and influence his son. Harry cares about you too, Remus. Maybe it's time you spoke up now and again, eh? Offered your wisdom occasionally? Just an idea. I'll drop it now, I promise."

Lupin brought his head back to look at her. The whole night had been an emotional rollercoaster of embarrassment, fear, panic, worry, and now this twinge of regret. He looked into the violet eyes of the woman he'd spent it with. She stood there for a moment and he wasn't sure whether she was waiting for him to say something. He really didn't know what to say, anyhow.

"Well," she said, turning from her friend. "I'll bunk here tonight. Good night, Remus."


	9. Chapter 9 : Family

**Chapter 9**

"Happy Christmas!" Fred and George's boisterous voices rang throughout Number Twelve like holiday bells. Sirius, who had been acting more and more like one of the boys, had joined in on their youthful enthusiasm.

Tonks was sitting in the corner of the parlor with Ginny and Hermoine watching the spectacle unfold before her. In one area of the room, Molly was listening to the radio with her husband and on the other side Ron was chatting with Bill about something or other.

"I'm glad your father's alright now." Hermione said kindly to Ginny.

She smiled. "Me too." Tonks noticed her gaze follow the tall black haired boy who was walking across the room alone before going upstairs.

"Harry's been quite introverted these days...ever since the attack and the dream." Hermione explained.

"Well, I saw him talking to Lupin earlier, so that's good at least." Ginny commented.

A smile spread across Tonks' face. "Do you know what they were talking about?" she asked her, feeling a bit nosey.

Ginny shook her head with regret. "I misplaced the extendable ears Fred and George lent me."

A few minutes later, Tonks found an opportunity to steal away from the girl conversation and duck into the hallway for some alone time. Being away from family during Christmas was hard. Her parents were taking a holiday in Greece until mid-January. What she secretly hated about her independence were the occasional pangs of loneliness. Alone in the dark hallway, she took a two-way mirror out of her pocket and gazed into it.

"Mum." She whispered. "Mum?"

There was no answer. Her mother must've packed it away in a suit case or left her end at home. Tonks sighed and stowed the mirror back in the pocket of her robes, feeling unsatisfied.

From outside the room she looked in on the Weasleys with envy.

"You know," Remus Lupin's voice said from behind her. "I think you could join their family officially if you really wanted. Molly's dropped enough hints on that subject."

"Remus Lupin," she said turning around. "Are you actually teasing me? Someone's had some eggnog, I think."

Lupin smiled. "Bill Weasley's a good man."

"Yes, I'm sure his girlfriend thinks so too."

"What?" he asked. "So you were never curious about Molly's idea?"

"Well," she started. "Molly wasn't the first one to have that particular idea. We dated in school."

"Really?" Lupin asked. "You're just full of secrets."

"It's not really a secret. We were mates and gave it a go, but it didn't work. There was a lack of chemistry, I think. A perfectly good friendship ruined by curiosity. By the way," she said turning to him. "I little birdie told me that you had a chat with Harry."

"I did." He answered.

"It's a start." Tonks said, beaming at her friend. She sighed and returned her attention to the Weaselys. "I may not want to be one of them," she said, "but I'd sure like to have that."

"What?" Lupin asked looking in.

"You know! Family." Tonks said, pointing at the scene within the doorframe as if it were a painting. "All that rubbish and chaos. It sounds lovely. Haven't you ever thought about it?"

"I guess men like me don't really think like that."

"Like what? A human being?" She realized what she said a moment too late. "Oh, God Remus, I hope you know I didn't mean-"

"I know." He assured her.

"But in all seriousness, don't you want all that?"

Lupin paused for a moment. "Sometimes you can't get everything you want."

"But you're still young!" Tonks insisted. "There must be some girl whose eye you've caught-"

"There's no one."

Tonks's fingers enclosed around the mirror in her pocket and she rubbed her lips together. "Are you staying with Sirius and I for Christmas?"

"Thanks for the invitation, but I've got guard duty during all day."

"How'd you manage that?" Tonks asked.

"I volunteered." He gave weak smile. "Everyone else has somewhere to go."

"I don't!" she said quickly. "I'll drop in and keep you company."

"Really, you don't have to." He said.

"I insist." Her now bright green eyes twinkled up at his face. He noticed for the first time that no matter how she changed, the shape of her eyes always stayed the same. Plus, there was something in her gaze and walk that was always exclusively Tonks.


	10. Chapter 10 : Guard Duty and Man Talk

**Chapter 10**

Tonks' head fell as she dozed off for the third time that hour.

"Nymphadora." Lupin whispered next to her. "Why don't you go home?"

The two were sitting on the ground of the Hall of Prophecies , their backs resting against the wall.

She stirred at the sound of his voice then suddenly jerked up. "What? What?" she looked around quickly and turned to Remus. "I-I wasn't asleep."

He smiled.

It had been five hours filled with alternating silence and conversation. They'd talked of everything from chocolate frogs to Christmas trees to Hogwarts.

"You know," Lupin had said, feeling a bit nostalgic. "I was quite the troublemaker in my day, too."

"Shut up, Remus." Tonks said. "I don't believe you. Once a prefect always a prefect."

"I was friends with Sirius and James." A smug look crossed over his tired features. "I was just clever enough not to get caught. You know, an innocent reputation is the best defense to all sorts of crimes."

Tonks' eyes widened. "That's shocking! I should send an owl to Dumbledore this instant!"

"Let's just say that Snape doesn't only hate me for taking the job he was after."

Tonks grinned. She found the more she knew about Lupin the more she liked him. Normally with her, it had always been the opposite. She'd liked someone from the start and befriended them, but then somewhere along the line they disappointed her. She was happy to be proven wrong in this instance.

Lupin was now surveying the room. He had to admitt, it was an erry but beautiful place. The glass from the different balls danced on the bluish ceiling and made the whole place seem like the room of an indoor swimming pool. He sighed, longing for a bed and trying not to think about any Christmas festivities he was missing out on.

He felt something thud softly on his shoulder. Tonks had fallen asleep again. He didn't wake her this time, though. He looked at the face that was now resting so close to his. Her eyes were shut. Though he knew Tonks was a severe and blunt type of person, he saw that in sleep the features on her heart-shaped face were delicate and soft, all framed with holiday appropriate bright red hair. She moved her head a bit to fit perfectly in the nook of his neck as she slept.

Instead of moving or waking her up, he decided to let her rest. He could feel her breath touching his skin and he felt warmed by it. For some reason, though he felt strangely happy in this position, he also felt uncomfortable-like he shouldn't be doing what he was. But what was he doing exactly? He sighed. As his chest rose, Tonks woke up again and shook her head.

"Bullocks! Did I fall asleep again? Merlin, what's wrong with me?' she asked.

"No matter." Remus said. "Shift's up."

They stopped in at Grimmauld place to see Sirius, Harry and Weasleys enjoying Christmas Day. Lupin was pleased to see a smile on Harry's face as he chatted jovially with Sirius.

Tonks went to bed straight away, opting to bunk with Hermione and Ginny for the night rather than travel back to her flat. Not feeling so tired, Remus stuck around for a bit.

"Well, I'm off." Molly said as she left the room full of men to go upstairs. "Goodnight boys."

When she left, Bill smiled broadly to Sirius and brought in a large bottle of firewhiskey for the men of the house. Charlie, Bill, Sirius and Remus chatted happily, leaving all usual topics concerning the Order in the back of their minds.

"Will you call your children names like Pierre or Michel?" Charlie teased his brother about Fleur.

The men laughed and Bill turned a strange color of pink. "Come on!" he said. "We've only just begun to date. "Marriage isn't even..." he drank a hefty gulp of firewhiskey.

"Well, you've always had interesting taste in women, Bill." Charlie let out a hoarse sort of fake cough which sounded remarkably like "Tonks!"

Lupin sat up a little straighter.

"Really?" Sirius asked. "How come you never told me, eh Bill?" He sounded amused.

"Because she dropped him like a Chinese fireball during their seventh year!" Charlie roared.

"Ouch, mate." Sirius said.

"Merlin, she was attractive..." Charlie said daydreaming a bit. "Bill let the best body in our year get away."

Lupin cleared his throat much louder than he intended to.

"What?" Charlie asked him, smiling.

"Oh," Sirius said, throwing one arm around his friend. "Moony here was always the honorable one."

"What? So you don't think Tonks is hot?" Charlie asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't like to think of her in that way." Lupin said stiffly.

"Oh come on! Haven't you noticed that thing with her hips..."

"Oh, don't mind my brother, Remus." Bill said slightly agitated. "The alcohol makes him antsy."

"Can we stop talking about my cousin, please." Sirius pleaded.

"I agree." Lupin said. "So how did you all celebrate Christmas earlier?"


	11. Chapter 11 : A Black Duel

**Chapter 11**

Security over the prophecy had been increased ten fold after the reported outbreaks at Azkaban. It was always being paroled by at least one member at all times. Also, some members were stationed at Hogsmeade to watch over the school.

"Where's Tonks?" Kingsley asked at that night's meeting.

"In her last hour of guard duty." Moody said. "Remus and I will be going for the next shift to take over."

"Excellent." Dumbledore said. "Has she checked in with her patronus?"

"No, but she sometimes forgets. It is Tonks..." Kingsley said smiling.

Dumbledore merely nodded. His sporadic presence at Order meetings was a comfort to the others. It was like an unexplained safety and authority and organized everyone's thoughts.

Sirius gave Remus a concerned look. "You alright, mate?"

"Full moon ended yesterday." He explained. Remus's features looked worn and a new scar was showing againt his white cheek. Truthfully, Remus' monthy problem wasn't the only thing troubling him at present. He had a mysterious, uneasy feeling within him.

"Well then," Dumbledore said standing. "For the unlucky few who are busy tonight," he nodded at Lupin and Moody "you may leave.. For those of you without plans, I believe Molly has something special planned if you'd like to stay. Meeting dismissed. Happy New Year."

"Moody," Lupin said catching up with him outside the door. "Do you want to arrive early or the shift?"

"Why?" he growled.

"Not sure." Lupin said truthfully. "I just feel like I should."

* * *

Tonks was pacing the narrow hallway, only the sounds of her footsteps were heard. The steady beat was enough to drive her mad.

Just another half-hour or so, she reminded herself.

She hated guard duty when she was alone. The whole thing made her skin crawl.

"Twitchy, aren't we?" a smooth, but high-pitched female voice said from behind.

Tonks whipped around, arms raised, to meet the cold black eyes of Beatrix Lestrange.

If she hadn't been so distorted, so pale, ghostly and drained from the years in Azkaban, Tonks would've mistaken her for her own mother. Their hair, face and eyes were almost identical. Tonks forced herself to keep eye contact and steady her now shaking wand hand.

"What? No hug for your auntie?" the taunting voice said.

"Stand back" Tonks said aiming her wand at Bellatrix's chest.

She smiled at her niece. "The half-blood wants me to 'stand back'? I'd like to see you try...Crucio!"

Tonks blocked it with a swift flick of her wand, remaining in battle stance. Her mind, which was tired and wandering only minutes before, was now sharp and focused.

"Impressive." Bellatrix crackled. "An auror, right? Tisk, tisk how standards have slipped." Bellatrix circled Tonks like a vulture. "I'm sure my traitor sister is proud-Crucio!"

This time she was too quick. Pain shot through Tonks' spine like a thousand wooden splinters. She felt her knees buckle beneath her and she fought to stay standing even, with the curse's effects pulsing through her veins.

"Trying to be strong?" Bellatrix said tauntingly. "The Longbottoms did that too."

Tonks' feet went out from under her and she collapsed, her legs now writhing.

"That's better." Her aunt said cooly as she fell. "Us Blacks must weed out the weak parts of our family tree." She said watching Tonks twich in pain

Tonks closed her eyes but refused to cry out. I can't give her the satisfaction. The thought shot through her tortured mind obsessively. Tonks felt that each moment was worse than the next. How long will I live? She thought. The unending pain was too much, like each if her nerve endings were on fire and were burning away very, very slowly.

There was a flash of red light as Tonks fainted, her body falling limp to the ground.

* * *

"Is she alive?"

"Of course she is, stupid!"

"A bit peaky, I'd say."

"Fred, no one needs your input."

Tonks could hear Weasleys. Her eyelids fluttered open and she began to register the crowd of people around her.

"Tonks?" A familiar voice seemed to call from a mile away, though she could see a blurry vision of Sirius' face right above her own.

"Can she here us?" one of the twins asked. "Tonksy? You alive, mate?"

She blinked and tried to sit up. Sirius steadied her as she straightened up. She still felt dizzy and her entire body ached.

"Oi!" Sirius said to Ginny and the Twins. "Clear out, the lot of you. Give her some space."

They left quietly and Tonks began to come to her senses.

"The ministry-I" she began. "Bellatrix..." she looked into Sirius' eyes. He seemed to share her thoughts. Their fellow relative no doubt had it in for both of them, seeing that they were family traitors. With her out of Azkaban, they must have targets on their backs.

Sirius swooped down to hug his cousin. Tonks was thankful that, for once, Sirius wasn't afraid to show the compassion or affection behind his humor.

"She looked just like Mum, Sirius." She choked. He patted her back and laid her back down on the soft couch.

"Wait!" Tonks sprang up with so much unexpected force that she accidentally hit Sirius in the nose. "Where's Remus?" she asked looking around the study as if he might be hiding in the corner somewhere. "I remember seeing him..."

"He'll be alright, don't worry." He said, patting his nose.

"What?" she said. "What did you mean 'he'll be alright?' When did he become not 'alright,' Sirius?"

"Well he and Moody fought off Bellatrix. Apparently she put up quite a fight, but disaperated. Lupin was hit with a bleeding curse, but he's fine now. Molly mended it about an hour ago. He's just recovering."

Tonks was already on her feet, heading for the door, but Sirius beat her to it. "Leave him alone for now, Tonks. He's sleeping."

She nodded and sat back down. "And Moody..?"

"He's fine. He took over guard duty alone and sent Lupin back."

A soft knock came from the door and Molly's head popped in. "Hungry you two?" she asked hopefully. "I've prepared a giant New Years spread!" She looked Tonks up and down with a motherly sort of glance. "You look like you could use it."

Tonks smiled sweetly. She loved how Molly could fix anything with a good roast.


	12. Chapter 12 : Counting Down

**Chapter 12**

Dinner was spectacular to say the least. Five courses of food were sitting at the bottom of Tonks' grateful stomach.

At about 10'o clock Remus emerged from his room, looking a little paler than usual, but fully recovered.

"Just a little potion of Molly's did the trick." He said to Tonks warmly, not wanting her worry. Tonks had a sweeping impulse to grab his hand, but stopped herself as he walked away to talk to someone else. Later Tonks caught his eye from across the room during New Years Eve festivities and mouthed, "Thank you." He nodded back.

"Butterbeer for everyone!" Ron said passing out glasses with Ginny.

"Only a minute ou deux." Fleur's thickly accented voice said to a pleased Bill. She wrapped her arm around his own and met Tonks' gaze with a cold stare. Tonks sipped her drink uncomfortably.

"Hey there." She turned to see Charlie Weasley's face close to her own.

"Oh, er, wotcher, Charlie." She said giving him a friendly toast with her cup.

"Sorry to hear what happened earlier." He said. "Glad you're ok."

"Er...yeah." she said. She noticed that Charlie, though just as good looking as Bill, lacked some of the social instincts, one of them being spatial respect. She backed up slightly.

"So," he said flashing a nice smile in her direction. "New Year in just a minute or two..."

"Yup, that's right." She looked over Charlie shoulder to see Mrs. Weasley beamed at them. She winced at this, but tried her best to hide it. She also spotted Ginny staring at her from the corner of the room giggling with Hermione.

She was always a smart one, that girl, Tonks thought to herself.

Charlie was now leaning towards her, heightening her sense of discomfort, if that was even possible. To make matters even worse, that the entire party had begun to count down from ten.

I_s this bloke seriously hitting on me hours after I've been tortured? _she thought

"Want to start the New Year, right?" he asked her smoothly.

"Nine, Eight!"

"I dunno..I-" she sputtered shifting sideways against the wall.

"Six, Five-"

He gave her a pleading, puppy sort of look that, though Tonks did truly like Charlie, made her want to vomit a bit in her mouth.

"The thing is...I've already promised someone-" her lie didn't sound convincing.

"Three-"

Watching in mild horror as Charlie Weasley began to swoop in with lips pursed toward her own, Tonks wildly grabbed to her right side, vaguely making out the black robes of the nearest male, which she grabbed by the collar and pulled on.

"One!"

Only praying that she hadn't awkwardly picked Sirius, she, with eyes closed tightly as if to hide herself from the embarrassing situation, pulled a face toward her own and smashed her lips against his.

Thankfully they were soft and by the feel of it, they were surprised. Tonks, out of the mixture of gratefulness and shock she was experiencing, parted her lips. In that brief moment she seemed detached from the reality of Grimauld Place. To her shock, he kissed her back and their lips overlapped tenderly before she pulled away.

A pair of blue-grey eyes pierced into her like a shock wave.

Lupin blinked several times and staggered a step back wards as Tonks let go of him. He shot back up from his stooped position awkwardly (he was very tall, after all). Tonks heard George wolf-whistle form across the room.

"Th-thanks." Tonks got out. "Happy New Year."

Without lingering to dwell on the situation, she downed her cup, waved good-bye and left the room in three strides, avoiding all eye contact.

Charlie could only shake his head at the befuddled Remus. "Way to steal my thunder."


	13. Chapter 13 : Reactions

**Chapter 13**

_"Oh Merlin, what have I done?"_

Tonks was pacing through about three weeks worth of rubble in her London flat. She'd been muttering nonsense to herself for most of the night. Currently, she was pondering over her habit of getting in awkward situations with a certain wizard.

Still, through her internal shame and embarrassment there was a small voice in the back of her mind that sometimes spoke up during her thoughts- a voice that thought kissing Remus Lupin wasn't all bad...

"Ah!" she cried and flopped on her bed face down.

* * *

Those lips, her smell...Lupin was being haunted by the nights events. 

_"Why do I insist upon dwelling on something she obviously did casually..?"_ he thought to himself.

He felt distracted as he tried to sleep that night. He'd left shortly after Tonks did, trying with all his might to avoid those around him so as not to deal with the awkward reactions. He did, however catch a dramatic eyebrow raise from Sirius, though he was in such a hurry he couldn't tell whether it was protective, skeptical, or comical.

He closed his eyes, determined to keep them shut until sleep came.


	14. Chapter 14: The Interrogation

**Chapter 14**

It had been months since New Year and by some miracle, both Lupin and Tonks managed to continue on very normally without so much as mentioning the kiss. Remus had disregarded it as a mere tradition while Tonks was holding steadfast to denial. They'd gone on as they always had through visits with Sirius, Order meetings, and guard duty (though Tonks noticed that Lupin never let her go alone after the Bellatrix incident). Tonks was glad to see that their friendship withstood so many awkward situations.

One day in March, Lupin had received an official owl from the ministry asking for questioning. He'd been used to messages like these, of course. Being a werewolf constantly put in him in suspicion no matter what he did.

"The Auror Department." A calm woman's voice rang out from the elevator. Lupin stepped out onto the floor and entered the place of questioning. He sat in a dingy sort of waiting room without windows for about an hour before a young man came out to fetch him.

"Remus John Lupin?" he asked. Lupin nodded and followed him down a narrow hallway to a room he found all too familiar.

"Wait here." The man said coldly. He eyed Lupin with skepticism. His black eyes seemed to glaze over his shabby robes and appearance with contempt. "Nymphadora Tonks will be questioning you today."

He left a surprise Lupin alone in the room. About ten seconds later, Tonks came in, erect and professional looking and sat across from him. She still had pink hair, but usually unique attire was replaced with official ministry robes. For a moment, Lupin was too intimidated to remember that this person was a close, personal friend.

After the door shut her features suddenly softened. "Wotcher, Remus."

"You called me in?" he asked.

"Yes." She said. "Well, technically speaking, the Ministry of Magic called you in as a biannual personal tracking of werewolves. A new law was passed just last week."

He nodded. Nothing surprised him anymore these days.

"Since I have you here," she continued. "and have to fill up a good fifteen minutes or so before I leave the room, can I ask you some questions?"

"Of course." He said.

"I've been investigating some recent cases of werewolf bites-the last four months or so. Of those that have been reported - and I guarantee that most haven't anyway - the numbers are increasing at an alarming rate. On of the senior aurors I work under, Tolson, has ignored it completely. I think differently. What can you tell me about Greyback?"

She saw Lupin stiffen at the sound of the name. She shifted in is seat, eyes stony. "He's a monster who embraces his werewolf characteristics even without the full moon. He places himself near intended victims, using threats to get what he wants. He especially..." Lupin paused for a second as if the next words pained him. "He especially likes to bite children. He bit me."

Tonks said nothing for a moment, but reached across the table and draped her hand over his.

"I think Voldemort may be using him now." She explained. "The victims are supporters of Dumbledore, enemies of Voldemort. If Voldemort is using not only Greyback, but has also gained the allegiance of the werewolf population in general, we have more problems than we expected."

She and Lupin discussed the issue for the next several minutes and when the time was right, she led him out of the room with the same face she'd taken into it. The man from before was outside in the hallway waiting to escort Lupin to the elevator. As he left, Tonks slipped a note between is fingers.

"Meet me. Cafe on Redford St. You need a drink."

* * *

"I recorded the right answers to the "questions" I had to ask." Tonks said. "This whole process is so trivial and petty. I'm sorry, mate."

"I wish everyone felt that way." Remus said honestly.

The two were now sitting over strong coffees at the cafe.

"This is an interesting place." Remus said, looking around at the painted walls.

"Yeah." Said Tonks, sipping her drink. "I like to come to muggle places like this. That way I avoid running into people."

For the first time since the holidays Remus felt happy. His mind, usually weighed down with constant worries and theories, felt light and giddy. Tonks had that effect on him. Secretly he both loved and feared it. There was something scary about a person who could let down your guard.

His eyes peeled over her casual stance as they laughed together over the conversation. Tonks always leaned forward and brushed the pink hair out of her face when she laughed. She crossed her legs casually and Lupin saw her jiggle her foot out of the corner of his eye.

Time passed quickly for them until they were the only two customers left. Neither seemed to notice, for if they did they still showed no signs of wanting to return to their normal lives just yet.

"Really? You had Five OWL's? I can't believe it! I am smarter than prefect Remus Lupin.." Tonks said beside herself.

"Hey, I only received one less than you...and I'm daft when it comes to potions! Why do you think I stoop to accept Severus' wolfsbane every month! Do you think I do that by choice?" Lupin asked.

"Well, you do tend to get along with everyone." Tonks argued.

"What?" Remus asked slightly appalled.

"Don't even pretend like it isn't true! I haven't seen you become angry once...not since I met you last year! Always the peacemaker, you are."

He shrugged. "I never noticed."

She shook her head playfully. "One day." She said, her eyes piercing into his. "One day someone is going to crack you, Lupin and I just hope I'm there to watch it happen."


	15. Chapter 15 : Tonk's Drooling

**Chapter 15**

"Still no new leads on the whereabouts of Greyback or the headquarters of the Deatheaters. Hagrid did, however, report some new information on the giants-"

Tonks was sitting up straight, eyes forward but out of focus. She'd never admit it, but se had stopped listening to Dumbledore about five minutes ago and had instead let her mind wander away from Order business. Across the table from her was Remus Lupin, taking notes with a quill, his eyes narrowed as they traveled across the parchment he was writing on. His brow was furrowed every so slightly so that a line appeared in the middle of his eyebrows.

"-luckily, they've agreed to no concrete side as a group yet-"

Lupin rolled up his sleeves. He'd taken off his black robes and was now wearing a white collared shirt with a loosened grey tie. Tonks noted that he must've forgotten to shave that morning because he seemed just a little scruffier than usual. As he dipped the quill into the ink next to him she saw his forearm muscles flex. He titled his head to read his last sentence and continued to write, his tongue rolled over his bottom lip and quite suddenly he looked up and met her blank stare with a quizzical expression.

Tonks jumped a little in her seat.

"Is there something the matter, Nymphadora?" Dumbledore asked her from the front of the table. Every order member turned their heads to look at her. She wanted to shrink into oblivion, but gathered herself firmly to answer, "No, sir." She felt like she was in school again.

"Oi!" Sirius grabbed Tonks' arm after the meeting and brought her into the library.

"Wotcher, Sirius." She said brightly.

"Oh, don't wotcher me!" Sirius had an odd expression on his face which Tonks couldn't quite place. He crossed his arms after pushing his younger cousin in a chair in front of his tall frame. She raised one eyebrow at him but he only rolled his eyes.

"Honestly," he said. "I know where you learned that signature eyebrow raise from. So when were you going to tell me?"

"Tell you what?" she asked.

"Tell me that you fancy the pants off my best friend."

Tonks snorted. "Really, Sirius. You above all people should know that Remus and I are great friends, but nothing more."

"Sure." He said as though she'd done a poor job of convincing him. "So the fact that you just spent about half the meeting staring at his every move with with drool practically hangin out of your mouth, doesn't signify anything at all, ey?"

Tonks panicked a little at this. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Sirius circled her like a vulture, then finally broke out into a classic smirk. "So you don't care for him at all, you just want to see him naked?"

"What? No!" she haired flushed bright red. She was so glad that Sirius didn't know that her walking in on Remus. "I do care...I mean we're mates!"

"Well, sure, you are now. Have you told him that you're in love with him?"

"Who said-"

"Well," Sirius said logically. "If it's not just a physical attraction, then there's only one other reason you should look at someone the way you looked at Remus...and that's love."

Tonks stood up. "Stop trying to make drama to entertain yourself, Sirius. You're only causing trouble."

"I think you're the one causing trouble, actually." Sirius said smugly.

Tonks stared at him hard as if trying to frighten him out of her personal life. Seeing as after thirty seconds, he didn't so much as link, she just turned away in a huff and began walking out of the room.

"Don't worry," he said to her back. "I promise I won't tell Remus."

The door slammed.

* * *

A few days later Lupin was wandering around Number Twelve as he often did. It was the Easter holidays now and he was glad that the usual gloomy surroundings were brightened up by the Weasley children's presence.

He walked into the library. He was about to place it back on the shelf without a second glance, but then noticed someone else in the room.

A small, pretty little red haired girl was sitting in a large arm hair, her legs draped over the arms, staring into space.

"Ginny?" he asked gently. He'd taken her out of her reverie, and she turned her head toward him.

"Oh. Hello, Professor- I mean Mr. Lupin."

He smiled and took a seat near her. "You can call me Remus, Ginny."

He awkwardly sat near her, as if waiting for her to say something. He felt like he should help her, for something was obviously on her mind, but he had no idea how he'd go about doing so. He just sat here for a minute or two clearing his throat.

"You know..." he began tentatively, "Just because I'm not your teacher anymore, it doesn't mean that you can't talk to me."

She sighed. "Remus," she said slowly as if the name was strange. "I don't know if you can help me with this one."

"Potions?" he asked jokingly.

He felt triumphant when she got her to laugh. "No." she said. "It's boy stuff."

"Well," Lupin said, his confidence building. "Some people may not realize this, but I used to be one myself."

"Oh, so you used to be just as stupid as they are?"

"I'm sure." said Lupin. "I regret to say that it might not be past tense. Is there one boy in particular?"

Ginny paused as if calculating her answer. "Let's say, hypothetically speaking, that a girl is you know...well liked, but by some horrible twist of fate she fancies the only bloke in the world that doesn't even look twice at her."

"Then I'd say it's only a matter or time." He said.

"Until he notices her?" she asked.

"Yes...or until she tells him."

Ginny sighed and sloughed back down.

"Harry isn't the type to chase after every girl, but I suppose that's why you like him, isn't it?" his eye twinkled a bit.

She groaned. "It's not like I asked for this." she said frustrated. "I mean, should I wait for him? Will this pass? I really have no way of knowing. Still, I just can't... sorry" she said blushing a bit. "I know you've got way more important things on your mind. Come to think of it, I should, too." She got up and retreated to the door. "You know," she said as she turned around. "I liked talking to you. You'll make a good father someday." She left him with a warm smile.

Lupin sat back and couldn't help but feel touched by her compliment despite the dark feeling in the pit of his stomach that assured him that such a thing would never happen.


	16. Chapter 16 : Some Different Perspectives

**Chapter 16**

"Are you and Tonks fighting?" Remus leaned over and whispered to Sirius. He looked to the other side of the table where Tonks' stony eyes shot through Sirius like a knife. She gave her steak an extra stab and shoveled a potato wedge in her mouth.

"Nope." Sirius, said, feeling completely content at ignoring his cousin. "More Potatoes, Moony? They're delicious."

* * *

"Tonks seems a little distant with Sirius lately, wouldn't you say?" Lupin commented one night.

"Watching Tonks, are you then?" Hagrid asked smiling.

Lupin cleared his throat. He took out his quill nonchalantly and began taking notes at the April Order meeting.

* * *

"Is it just me, or is there a disproportionate amount of tension in the air these days?" Arthur asked Molly as they we getting into bed one night.

"Oh yes, well Sirius and Tonks are obviously having a stubborn Black row, if you ask me."

"Yes..." Arthur said. "but Lupin seems a bit funny as well."

"Full moon?" she asked.

"No." Arthur said. He paused as if wondering to himself whether he should reveal the next part of this thought. "Do you think he likes Tonks?"

"Well, sure." Molly answered, dabbing a it of cold cream on her face. "She's so nice. A bit clumsy, but a good, sensible witch. Just yesterday I was telling Bill-"

"No, no." Arthur said. "I meant do you think he fancies her?"

"Oh." She blinked as if adjusting her eyesight to the absurd idea. "That's silly. It's always been her and Bill-"

"But Bill has Fleur."

Mrs. Weasley chose to ignore that comment. "Charlie's liked her too." She said loudly. "Maybe that will take off..."

Mr. Weasley sighed and turned out the light with his wand. "Darling, don't let your desire for Tonks as a daughter-in-law blind you. And I suggest you stop passing her from son to son before you resort to involving Ronald."

"Don't be daft, dear. Ron will end up with Hermione. A mother always knows."

* * *

"Hermione? Hermione? Has your brain finally crashed, then?"

Ron was waving his hand in front of her dreamy expression. They were studying in the library for their final exams late in the evening.

She sat up straight, coming back to earth. "Sorry. Lost my train of thought."

Ron shook his head, giving her a suspicious glance.

"Ron?" she asked suddenly.

"Wha?"

"Did you notice something funny over Easter holidays...with Lupin and Tonks?"

"No." he said looking confused. "Why?"

"I don't know why I ask you about this stuff." She said in a huff. "You're a hopeless cause."

* * *

"I'll put 5 sickles that it'll happen this summer."

"Oh come on! That's all? I'd say one galleon on next year."

"What?" George asked incredulously. "Did you even see that New Years kiss? There was tongue! With a snog like that it won't take a year, brother. I'll up my bet to two galleons."

"I'm writing this down." Fred said. "And I'll throw in a firework box on my end."

"Fine, but I still say that they'll get together this summer!"

"We'll see..." said Fred smiling. "Just remember I got a better mark in divination that you, George."

He sighed and looked around at the empty common room. "We need a hobby, mate."

**a/n: btw, this chapter was the most fun to write)**


	17. Chapter 17: Making Up

**Chapter 17 **

Lupin stepped in to the Department of Mysteries. It was close to two in the morning.

"Arthur?" a familiar voice rang out from behind a shelf.

Lupin walked towards it and found a tall, middle-aged looking woman with short dirty-blond hair. Her eyes were wide and almond shaped.

"Nymphadora," he said. "It's me, Remus John Lupin, werewolf, best friend of Sirius Black, and former professor-"

"Oh, Remus." She said scrunching up her face and changing back to her old self, bubble gum pink hair and all. "Must you go through it each time? I knew it was you. No one else could've identified me like that."

"Really?"

"Yeah." She said. "Also, you're the only one brave enough to call me Nymphadora so it's unlikely you were an imposter."

He smiled.

"So why are you here?" she asked him. "I still have an hour before Arthur comes."

"Heard you were here alone." He said.

"From who?"

"Sirius." She rolled her eyes.

"Look," she said. "You two don't have to baby-sit me. I'm an auror, for Merlin's sake."

"Is that why you're angry at Sirius?" Lupin asked curiously. "Is it because you think he doesn't believe you're capable?"

She shook her head. "No."

"Then why?"

"You don't need to know." was her childish reply.

"Do you want me to stay with you? I'd rather you weren't alone..." Lupin said.

"Why?' she demanded, her eyes giving an intense stare.

"Uh..." he said. "Well, I don't want you to be hurt again."

"You don't follow Arthur around and he was the one bitten by a great snake."

"Well..." Lupin began. He'd never really asked himself that question before either. "Maybe I just feel protective..."

"Why?" She felt like she was trying to catch a fish with her bare hands.

He looked thoroughly confused. "I suppose since Sirius can't do it, I feel obligated as his best friend to watch you." Though he didn't intend for it to be so, that last statement came out of his mouth like a question. "So, if you don't mind I think I'll just stay-"

"No!" she said loudly. Her retort echoed against the glasses in the room.

"Really, Dora, you're acting like a child." He regretted his words the second after he'd said them. Tonk's hair flushed scarlet and her features darkened. She was taking deep breaths as if to calm herself, her chest heaving up and down and her wand cluched threateningly in her right hand.

"If I'm acting like a child then maybe you should charge my cousin for babysitting, Professor Lupin. Maybe my company would seem more tolerable if you were being paid." She strode from the room quickly and called after, "You can finish my shift since you seem so eager tonight. Don't follow me."

* * *

She slammed the door.

"Filthy blood traitor! Shame to my family tree, you shape shifter!" Mrs. Black screamed at Tonks from her portrait. In one swift movement fueled by frustration, she silenced the painting.

"Sirius!" she screamed. "Sirius! Wake up! I don't give a damn if you're sleeping!"

She heard running footsteps down the stairs and saw her cousin emerge from the darkness of the second floor. She expected him to be angry that she barged in, but instead she saw a concerned expression looking back at her. It was then that she realized that tears were streaming down her face. She wiped them away quickly.

"Tonks? Have you been crying?"

"No!" she choked.

"He went there, didn't he?" Sirius said, walking down the stairs.

"Yes!" she sobbed. He guided her toward the kitchen. "You need a cup of Sirius' special hot coco."

"I'm not five years old anymore!" she said. "You and Lupin can be so-"

"Hey." Sirius said in mock offense. "My hot coco is for all ages. Ask Moody."

She sighed and sat down at the counter. Sirius poured her a cup and warmed it with a charm, then summoned five marshmallows into her mug. She looked up into the face she's been glaring at for weeks.

"Sorry I've been such a prat lately." She said, sipping.

He shrugged. "We're Blacks. I guess some things never change."

She gazed at her fingers, avoiding eye contact again. She wished she could morph the tears away.

"I think I'm in love with him, Sirius."

"It's about time you said it aloud." She heard a pleased note in his tone.

"What's the point? He doesn't betray an ounce of real emotion. Besides, to him I'm just this little kid playing dueling games with grown ups."

"I don't think that's entirely accurate..." Sirius said.

"How would you know?" she asked.

"Just a feeling."

"A feeling?"

"Yes, but granted, it's "a feeling" from someone who's known him for over 20 years." He said.

"I know he doesn't think of me in that way, but I don't know...I pick up these moments from him. It's the way he looks at me or says my name...little things. It makes me think he might-but it's impossible! My mind's just creating something that isn't there."

Sirius waved his wand and her now empty mug flew through the air and to the sink.

"Tonks, you and Lupin are the closest to family I have and you love each other, Please don't let your insecurity and his nobility get in the way of me seeing you two happy. That's all I'm going to say."

She stood and hugged her cousin. "Fight over?"

"Peace on earth." He said grinning.

"I guess I was just mad at you for seeing through me." She said.

He nodded. "I'm very shred and observant, don't be so surprised. Besides, it's not like I have anything else to do but watch you two dance around the sexual tension-"

She punched his arm.

"Have you two finally made up?"

Remus Lupin was standing at the doorway, arms folded. Tonks stiffened momentarily.

"Nymphy here could never stay mad at me for long." Sirius said,

"It was a month, you puppy." She retorted.

"Oh my! Have you been practicing?" he said. He looked back and forth from the two of them. "I just remembered...I'm needed upstairs...I have an appointment with my bed, I think."

You could always count on Sirius to make an awkward exit.

When he left Lupin took a step closer. "I'm sorry about earlier, Tonks."

"I know. Can we forget about it?"

"No." he said firmly. "I want you to know without a shade of doubt that I spend time with you because you're my friend and I truly like being around you. I'm not fulfilling any duty on Sirius' end."

"Thanks." Tonks said. "That means a lot."

"And I'm sorry I've been so...protective lately. I just don't want to see you get hurt." His second sentence came out softly. Tonks wondered what was behind his tone.

"Because I'm an order member, right?" she asked slowly.

Lupin looked at her. What was she trying to get out of him? "Yes." he answered. "I - We - don't want to lose you."

Their eyes connected for an instant. In that moment, Tonks thought she could hear her inner Sirius command her to do something...anything...but she didn't.

He smiled at her. "Any more coco left?"

"I'll make you some." she said feeling like a coward.


	18. Chapter 18 : Hugs and Bruises

**Chapter 18**

"Tonks!" Sirius called after his cousin.

She was on her way out the door of headquarters when he caught her and swept her up into a huge hug.

"Sirius?" she asked into his shoulder as he gave her an extra squeeze. "What are you doing?"

"I'm showing affection – you know, breaking the Black family legacy of cold, heartless, and bitter family relations."

"Uh uh." she said, eying him suspiciously. "Well, thanks I guess."

"Oh, come on! I thought we were the Black rebels!" Sirius joked.

She laughed. "Oh, we are. I guess I was just surprised. Actually, you've been in a good mood all day. First the Order meeting and now this..."

"Well, Snape wasn't as annoying as he usually is." Sirius commented with a broad grin. "I guess I'm just loving my life today."

"I'm glad." Tonks said sincerely. Looking at Sirius, she saw his old self. It was as if he'd never set foot in Azkaban. He was whole again.

"Where are you off to?" he asked her as she headed toward the door again.

"Remus' apartment. I haven't seen him in a few days so I thought I'd visit.

He snickered. "Finding excuses to see him, uh little cousin?"

Tonks laughed off his comment, hoping that it wasn't too obvious that his assumption was correct.

"Just promise me that I can be the godfather of your children and I'll leave you alone, Nymphadora." he joked.

Instead of responding in the usual verbal banter, Tonks followed her instinct and wrapped her arms around his torso. "See you later, Sirius." she whispered as they hugged. "...and don't ever call me Nymphadora again!"

As Tonks walked outside into the sunshine, she never suspected for a moment this would be the last time she'd hug him.

* * *

Remus Lupin's street was dark and shabby looking for the most part. It was lined with small apartments each with a tiny iron balcony. Tonks made her way up the stairs of building seven to the third floor and rapped on the door of number eight. She felt her stomach flip over. What was she doing? Why was she here? What would she say to Lupin? All sense of preparation had left her.

"Alohamora." She whispered at the door knob after waiting a few minutes. She quietly entered the small apartment.

There were papers scattered all over the ground. Every piece of furniture seemed broken. The only thing lighting the tiny living room she stood in was the streaming moonlight. She made her way to a door at the other end, passing a messy kitchen. She noted the large bag of chocolate frogs on the counter. The door stood slightly ajar so she peaked in, unprepared for what she saw.

Lupin was pale faced, fresh cuts over his old scars. His shirt was torn and blood stained. His face was resting against the foot of his bed as he sat on the floor. He was sleeping. In fact, if it wasn't for his disturbing appearance, Tonks would've thought he looked sweet.

"Remus," she said gently. She gingerly made her way toward him.

Her concern was interrupted by her own clumsiness as she tripped over a stack of books and came crashing to the ground right on top of Remus.

He groaned in pain and his eyes shot open. "What?"

Tonks jumped off quickly, afraid she hurt him even more. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I'm Nyphadora Tonks, cousin of your best friend, Sirius Black, who can change in to dog at will-"

"Stop." He said. His voice was husky, as though he hadn't used it in days. He grabbed the side of the bed and he straightened to standing position. "A death eater would hardly trip and crash before attacking me."

He grabbed his side and she noticed the bruise above his ribs as he took off his shirt.

"Did I do that?" she asked her eyes running over his upper body.

He shook his head. "It's the day after the full moon. I usually take at least a day to recover..."

"Oh, Remus...I'm-let me help you, please." She said. She grabbed her wand moved toward him. He instinctively backed away from her like a frightened dog.

"I'm fine." He said, though it was unconvincing.

"No you're not." She said firmly, grabbing his arm and guiding him to sit on the bed. "It won't kill you to accept some help, Remus."

"I do fine on my own."

"Clearly." She ran her wand over a gash on his side and muttered an incantation.

"You're very good." Lupin couldn't help but feel impressed with her healing.

She looked up at him. He almost shivered as she did so. She always had that effect on him. "You don't have to hide away from the world, Remus."

She moved down to the bruise and pushed down on the tender skin. He winced. "Sometimes," he said. "It feels like the world hides from me."

Tonks had summoned from essence of dittany from the cupboard and dropped some on the wound. She rubbed it in with her finger tip and Lupin inadvertently held his breath.

"Well," she finally said. "I'm here, aren't I?"

Without noticing, Remus had leaned in closer to her, their faces only inches away from each other. He let out a small breath and she responded, as if trying to catch it.

Suddenly, they were blinded by silver light erupting through the room. Lupin jumped back from her as if he'd just woken up. After a second or two, the light gathered together at the foot of his bed to create a large animal. It's voice was deep and echoed off the walls.

"Harry and five other students have been lured into the Ministry. The Order has been summoned." Kingsley's voice boomed from his patronus.


	19. Chapter 19 : The Battle

**Chapter 19**

It was a never ending haze. Flashes of masks, wands, streams of green and red light danced around them. If death hadn't been lingering above the Hall of Prophecies, an onlooker might've even thought it beautiful.

Never in her life had Tonks been in a battle such as this. A side of her awakened out of the fear. It was the bravery - the part of her that became the youngest auror in a century, the part of her that joined the Order of the Phoenix.

"Stupefy! Stupefy!" she sent sparks flying at the death eater aiming for Moody.

"Crucio!" she dodged it by a millimeter and raised her wand to retaliate.

"REDUCTO!" a familiar voice echoed. The death eater was blasted off his feet before her mouth even opened. From across the room she saw Lupin with his wand raised.

She ran around the circular room clockwise, blasting spells out left and right. She stunned the cloaked figure dueling Arthur and sprinted to help an ailing Moody.

"Moody..." a high pitched voice was saying behind his mask. "Finally, I can take that other eye-"

"Expelliarmus!" Tonks shrieked. The spell knocked him into the stone wall.

Moody got up. "Always knew I taught you well." He said before running back into battle.

She'd defeated one death eater after another, helping others when she could. Out of the corner of her eye she could spot some bodies on the ground. Not all of them had masks on. She felt her stomach tighten.

"Petrificus Totalus!" she cried, finished off Avery just before he cast the death curse.

Her blood boiled as she heard a high laugh issuing from behind her.

"Aww...Look at itty bitty Nymphy, playing with the grown-ups."

"Not all of us can be old, senile bags, auntie dearest." Tonks said cooly, her wand out in battle stance. She hid her fear well. She knew by now that it was what Bellatrix fed off of.

He aunt flinched at the insult. "Blood Traitor!" she spat, lifting her wand.

"Expelliarmus!" Tonks' spell missed her my an inch and Bellatrix's eyes lit up.

"Crucio!" Tonks dodged it and smiled.

The two shot back and forth for a long time, each dodging the others' spells.

Tonks' concentration faltered when she heard Remus' voice ring out across the hall.

"Ah." Bellatrix said. Both women were huffing and puffing now. "Do I see a weakness? Imperio!"

Tonks had not expected this. A feeling of bliss swept over her tired body. It was a strange contrast to the terror she'd been facing for almost an hour.

"Turn around." A voice in her head said. She felt more than happy to comply. "Lift your wand and point it." Tonks thought that was an excellent idea so she listened to the advice. She saw a tall figure in the distance in front of her, dueling with another. "Now kill him."

Tonks nodded, as if the whole concept was so clear to her at that moment. "Avada-"

She coughed and began choking, making her words come out in inaudible sputterings. "Avada...no!..Ava...Remus!" she felt like her own wind pipe was closing in and out.

"KILL HIM!" the command rung in her head like a bell.

Tonks' wand arm was shaking. It wanted to stop the pain, to follow orders, but she couldn't submit. Her other arm grabbed the right one, holding the wand and tried to force it own as she still sputtered and choked. There was a sickening crack as Tonks felt herself break her own arm. Her wand fell to the ground along with her body. In one moment she tried to reach for the fallen wand, but then knocked her head against the ground. "No!" she screamed. "I won't" yet she struggled still.

"Crucio!" the all to familiar pain rushed back to her and she curled up, writhing on the ground at Bellatrix's feet. She heard laughter above her.

Stronger than the pain or than the voice in her head was her anger. The anger which coursed through her veins at the sound of that laughter. Still shaking in agnoy, Tonks grabbed hold of Bellatriz's ankle, seizing it with a tight grip and squeezing all the pain she felt into it.

"Ahh!" she heard a scream above her and then another voice, which caused her heart to leap.

"Hey, Bella, I suggest you play with someone your own size." Sirius jumped in, shooting spells at his elder relative, distracting her from the body at her feet.

"Sirius..." Tonks said faintly, but her eye lids began dropping downward.


	20. Chapter 20 : Tears

**Chapter 20**

Lupin hated waiting rooms. There was something about the silence that made him cringe. The people, too, all had a contagiously negative vibe about them. He really didn't want to pessimistic at the moment. He couldn't afford to be.

"Lupin, dear?" Molly said in her motherly way. He looked up. "We'll be leaving now...would you like to come?"

He shook his head. "I should be here...to tell her."

She nodded, understanding. Lupin was left alone, waiting.

He felt haunted by her face. As the smoke cleared after the battle he was looking for her. He didn't even notice her small, frail body until he was almost on top of her. Tonk's was curled up as if frozen in fear. Her right arm was contorted in an odd position and her head was bleeding severely. That was when he noticed it. He had looked closely. So much had been drained from her pale face that she had failed to maintain her morphed state. He saw her for the first time.

She was beautiful, but ghostly looking on the ground. In real life she had the same heart-shaped face and almond eyes, but her hair was a wavy, mousy brown and her lips were pale pink. She looked smaller and delicate, unlike the strong, bright personality that normally shone through her features.

"Mr. Lupin?" a healer called from the front of the room.

Remus came back to reality and strode towards the man.

"Your wife has woken up. Follow me."

"She's not my wife.." he said as he walked behind him towards a door at the end of the long corridor.

On the bed he saw her the same way: brown hair and eyes, still pale, but now with two bright pink spots on her cheeks.

"Wotcher, Remus." She said faintly. The sight of his face had cheered her up.

The healer left them and Lupin took a seat next to her bed.

"I'm glad you're ok." he said. She made a move to grab his hand but he pulled away.

She looked down into her lap. "Were you hurt?" she asked in a small voice.

"No." Lupin's answer came out stiffly, almost as if he regretted it.

"Remus..." Tonks started.

"I have to tell you something." He said, his voice very even now.

"Me too." She said. "I really do, Remus. Ever since Sirius said so it's all I've been thinking about and after tonight I can't hold it in. I - " she stopped to see Lupin's downcast eyes. Then, suddenly, a wave of understanding broke over her. "He's dead. Isn't he? Sirius is dead and you came in to tell me." She choked over her words. She looked down at her lap again and twisted her fingers together. Her tears were hot against her cold skin.

Lupin made a move to hug her, but stopped himself. Tonks was crying into her hands now.

"He-He didn't feel any pain." Lupin said. "He fell over the veil."

Tonks met his eyes and he felt as though they were burning him like fire. "I'm glad it wasn't you." She said softly, as if to herself. Lupin physically jumped back as he heard this and put his hands behind his back.

"No..." Tonks said. "I don't mean I'm glad that Sirius...I just..." Tonks wished with all her might that she could cut out her tongue.

"I have to go...Harry. I need to speak with - " He almost stumbled out of the room.

Tonks sat very still in her bed after he left, feeling more empty than she ever had before in her life.


	21. Chapter 21 : Hands

"If you'll just sign these papers for me, Ms. Tonks, you'll be discharged." said the healer.

"Thank you." she said, scribbling her name in all the appropriate spots.

"Be careful what you sign." said a concerned growl from behind her. She knew that growl.

"Hello Moody." she answered without even bothering to look. Tonks handed in her completed paperwork and turned to face her mentor. "If you've come to visit me, I'm sorry to say you're late. I'm healed, you see."

"Damn. I had my heart set on giving you a box of chocolate frogs." he said sarcastically. "I'm sure you've had plenty of visitors without me, anyway."

He was right. It seemed no one in the Wizarding World could fall ill or injured without Molly Weasley knitting them some sort of sweater and baking thousands of mince pies. The twins' jokes helped lift her spirits immeasurably. Still, despite the friendly faces that had graced her hospital room those past few days, the one she wanted most never came.

"So why are you here then?" Tonks asked him.

"I've come to collect you." Moody explained, his eyeball whirling around in his socket. "There's a job to be done."

Usually when Moody said things like that, monumental battles or events followed. As a young auror, Tonks had been trained to spring into action at the most sudden command. Moody's words seemed like another call to arms; another inspiring conflict of good and evil that Tonks had to undertake at the drop of a hat. You can imagine her surprise when, braced for the worst, she ended up following Alastor Moody to the less than ominous entrance of Kings Cross Station.

"We're here."

"Er..." Tonks was wondering whether he'd officially fallen off his rocker. Moody was getting old, after all. "You do know we're at the train station, right?"

He rolled his eye at her. "Just follow me," he commanded, leaving out his usual sense of urgency. Tonks shrugged and returned her wand to her back pocket.

As they made their way to Platform 9 3/4, Tonks spotted all the Hogwarts students filing out of the train. Crowds of families lined the walls waiting to see their children, each with excited, glowing expressions. Tonks noticed that there was only one cluster of three that wasn't sharing in this communal joy.

The Durselys were waiting nervously apart from the clustered families, each twitching as wizards and witches moved by. Tonks hated the idea of Harry spending months at a time with those people. She knew Sirius felt the same way.

The sudden thought of her cousin made her stomach tighten.

Moody and Tonks shuffled through the crowd toward Harry and his family. As they got closer, she saw that they weren't the only ones there. Kingsley and the Weasleys were there as well as -

"Hello." Lupin said softly to her.

"Uh...Hi."

For a second they stared at each other stupidly, but Lupin eventually snapped out of his reverie.

A few feet away, George raised his eyebrow at Fred. 'Game on.' he mouthed

Moody stepped forward and cowered over Mr. Dursley. Tonks was out of earshot, but knew her mentor well enough to guess the threatening remarks he was weaving over the muggle's over-inflated head. This was apparently the 'job' Moody had referred to with such importance back at St. Mungo's. She smiled to herself. Moody's soft side was so interesting when it surfaced like this.

Caught up in the amusing, overprotective spectacle before her, she almost didn't notice a hand brush her own. Lupin, who was standing next to her, had been pushed lightly by a passing student, causing his fingers to graze Tonks.' She tried her best to ignore the jumpy feeling in her stomach and brought her eyes forward again.

But Lupin wasn't moving his hand away.

Perhaps it was instinct, curiosity, or a spasm of some sort. Either way, Tonks found herself softly grazing his skin with her fingertips. It was like an outer body experience. Why on earth was she doing this? More importantly, why on earth wasn't Lupin moving his hand?

Standing unnoticed behind the couple were the twins. George's eyes widened excitedly and he elbowed Fred in the stomach to get his attention. His jaw dropped and his brother happily mouthed, 'Two galleons!"

Suddenly, Remus stiffened and his hand retreated.

George managed to stifle his disappointed groan. "Damn it! So close..." he muttered under his breath while his brother sighed with relief.

Once Harry departed, Lupin seemed eager to get away. While the others stayed to chat, he bound across the platform toward the exit.

"Remus!" Tonks called out. He either didn't hear her or chose to ignore her. "Remus!"

She rushed after him, right hand covering her hip where her wand hung. Her eyes were locked on the back of his head. She was determined to catch up with him. Tonks followed her friend through the London streets and down a deserted alley.

Unexpectedly, Lupin turned around to face her. "Tonks, you can't be here. Go home."

"But-"

"Go home." he repeated sternly.

Tonks folded her arms. "Not until you tell me what you're doing."

He brushed his long hair off his face nervously. "It's secret Order business." Lupin answered.

"It just so happens, I'm in the Order." she pointed out.

Lupin sighed. "It will all come out in time. For now, you just have to trust me."

"I'm sorry!" Tonks shot back. "It's difficult to trust someone who's been avoiding me, Remus."

Lupin's face softened at this. The truth was, he wanted to be there for her more than anything, but he honestly didn't know what to say. Words never came easily to him.

Tonks stepped closer. "We haven't even gotten the chance to talk about Siri- "

"No!" he interrupted her, turning away again. He grabbed his wand and prepared to disaperate. "I have to leave."

Before Tonks could say another word, he dissolved into the air and she was left alone once again. It was a feeling she was starting to get used to.

Walking home alone that night, Tonks wondered how she could've let this happen. How did she allow herself to become so attached to a man that doesn't attach himself to anyone? Why did she feel the need to set herself up for disappointment time after time? Why couldn't she listen to that practical voice in her pink head that told her to let him go and move on?

That's the funny thing about living during a war. When both life and love are hanging by a string, practicality becomes highly overrated.


	22. Chapter 22 : Blissful Anger

Dumbledore made it perfectly clear that no one was permitted to reenter Grimmald Place until he the right precautions were taken. Since it was hard to tell whether the Black family ownership would be stronger than Sirius' will, the premises was vacated just in case Tonks' dear old Aunt Bellatrix showed up on the doorstep. The very thought made Tonks want to vomit.

It had been weeks since Sirius' death and weeks since she and Lupin talked properly. Their back alley meeting had been the only private conversation they held since that night at the Ministry. There was so much she wanted to say to him – so much of herself that was buried into the events of that night. Not talking about it was painful at first. Then, as time pasted and Lupin continued to dodge Tonks, not talking about it became normal. All those unsaid things were brushed aside and their not-so-normal lives continued without each other and without Sirius.

Tonks was wandering around one evening because staying in her empty apartment seemed intolerable most nights. Lately, she found herself taking longer and longer walks to no where in particular. This time, however (whether she was aware of it or not), her feet had a real destination.

Tonks was standing on the sidewalk outside of Number Twelve, blankly staring at the shabby dump that had been so comforting to her this past year. The last time she walked through the doors, she had tripped over an old Black Family umbrella stand while Mrs. Black's portrait yelped and Sirius bound forward cursing at his mother's image. It would never be that way again. Nevertheless, Tonks still felt drawn to the house. Letting her instincts guide her, she stepped up to the door and slowly opened it.

"Lumos." she whispered. The place was pitch black save for moon beams shinning through various wooden cracks. Her foot steps creaked against the silence as she walked around the first floor.

Everything was as they left it. Sirius' books were in the same scattered positions on the chairs of the library. The twins had left a pair of extendable ears on the hallway floor. Tonks even found a sweater she left on the stair banister. As she grabbed it, she spotted more light at the top of the stairs. She held her wand up again.

Someone – or something – was in Sirius' room.

Holding her breath, Tonks climbed the stairs toward the half-opened door. She had no idea what she would find behind it.

It turns out she wasn't the only one in the Order who's disobeyed Dumbledore.

"Remus?" she asked just above a whisper.

Lupin, who'd been knelling on the floor, jumped up in surprise. There was a crash when the object he'd been holding slipped through his grasp and hit the ground.

"Wh-What?!" he yelled, shaking off the ambush. "You're not supposed to be here!"

"Neither are you." she pointed out. "At least I'm related to the nutcases that lived here. What's your excuse?"

Lupin scrambled to the ground and picked up piece of glass. A picture frame lay broken at his feet. Tonks knelt down to help him and caught a glimpse of the four waving boys in the photograph.

"Oh Remus..." she said, picking up the image and studying it. How long had he been looking at this before she came? Lupin grabbed the photograph from her hands, but not before Tonks got a good look at a sixteen-year-old Remus Lupin. Young, but still tired looking, he stood at the far right shifting a book from arm to arm and smiling.

"I was... cleaning." he said stupidly, muttering a repairing spell.

"That's a nice picture." she said.

"It was a long time ago."

"Not that long." said Tonks. "Sirius still looks like- "

Lupin snapped. "Dora!" his voice rang out. "Please. I- I don't want to have this conversation with you. I just need to deal with this on my own...in my own way."

"But I'm here for-"

"No." he interrupted softly. "Please leave."

There have been few moments in her life where Nymphadora Tonks felt small. This was one of them. Her pain must've shown, because after she ran out the room and down the stairs, she heard a remorseful Lupin follow her.

"Dora, wait. Please, I shouldn't have-"

"No!" Tonks cried, stopping to face him with tears glistening in her eyes. "You wanted distance so badly? You'll get what you asked for, Remus! God!" she screamed. "I'm so stupid. You'll never change."

"What do you mean...?"

"I should've seen this coming!" she fumed. All of her pent up frustrations were spilling out like water. "You did it with Harry and now you're doing it to me. The noble loner, Remus Lupin can't let anyone within a ten foot radius of him! Remus John Lupin, always the sensible one, the voice of reason, the peacemaker. If Sirius were here-"

"Hey!" Lupin strode toward her with a fire in his eyes that she'd never caught before. For the first time since she met him, Tonks saw the glimpse of the wolf within. He was close to her, towering over her body. "It's my business how I deal with my emotions, Tonks! Don't you dare bring Sirius into this!" he kicked a table next to him and it crashed down.

Mrs. Black started to scream from her portrait. They both screamed silencing spells at her.

"Well, somone's got to! Someone's got to bring him up! We have to talk about it!" Tonks cried.

"He's dead! What is there to talk about? He's dead. James is dead. Lily is dead! What's the use in talking about it?! Don't you understand? Everyone I've ever cared about in my life is gone!"

"Not everyone is gone, Remus! Some of us are still here and sooner you realize that the sooner-"

"You don't understand what it's like to sit in a room for three hours and stare at the photograph that was taken almost twenty years ago, Dora!" Lupin said coldly. "You just can't waltz in with your pink hair and make everything delightful again! Life doesn't work that way. It's cruel. It's senseless."

"You think I don't know that?" she bellowed back. "You think I'm so young and naive that I couldn't relate to you at all? I lost someone too, Remus. Sirius was my cousin."

"Stop trying to comfort me!" he pleaded. "You just make things worse! Stay away from me!" His last anger-coated sentence vibrated in Tonks' head as if someone had rung a bell next to her ear drum.

SMACK! Remus' face was forced to the left side. A red imprint of Tonks' hand lay in his cheek.

"You're a bloody idiot, Remus Lupin." She said. "What's the point of being noble and distant if you're just going to act like a coward in the end?"

"A coward?"

"Yes!"

Lupin strode up to her. She stood her ground though he was a good foot taller than she was. Never in the history of the Wizarding World had there ever been that much tension in so little space

"Leave, Nymphadora." he warned again.

"Make me."

And that's when the inevitable happened.

Tonks grabbed him and crushed her lips to his, her body almost hanging off his own as she held tightly to his shoulders. He grabbed her sides instinctively to keep her from falling. Her eyes were shut so tightly, as if willing the action into a dream.

All those silent moments of tension, all the times he'd felt her body as she tripped on top of him, all the gazes, smiles, touches, winks, and gestures were put into that kiss. It was like New Years, the shower, and every instance of raw desire was tumbling down out of their hiding places to crash between their lips. Lupin didn't know why, but he was kissing back, and not in the way Tonks every expected him to. His lips were hungry but her tender at the same time. Tonks wrapped her arms around his neck and she could feeling his large hands grasp her hips tightly. She gasped between kisses as she felt him pin her against the wall. Their bodies were close now, extinguishing the painful distance he'd created before.

"Remus..." she whispered as he kissed her neck.

Reality hit Lupin so suddenly, he almost dropped her. Tonks yelped as she gained her own footing. Remus had shot across the room, breathing hard with his wand pointed in her direction

"What?!" she yelled, staring wide-eyed at his battle stance. "What are you doing?" she almost laughed

Lupin looked positively wild from across the room. His wand arm was shaking. "J-Just stay away from me, Dora!" he sputtered desperately.

Tonks' arms were held up over her head. She felt like one of those robbed muggles she sometimes saw on the television. "I'm not going to hurt you, Remus!" She took a step toward him.

"No!" he panicked. "Don't come any closer!"

"Why?"

"You have an effect on me!"

"Merlin, Remus." Tonks said, ignoring his request as she closed the space between them. "You might act like a prude, but you certainly don't kiss like one."

"You do!" he insisted. "I can't control myself when I'm around you. You're like this witch-"

"I AM A WITCH!" she reminded him.

Lupin couldn't take it anymore. His sanity was clearly slipping and Nymphadora Tonks was to blame. "I-I have to leave now. I have to go!" he cried, trying his best to avoid all eye contact with her.

As she watched him leave (Lupin took several delusional laps around the foyer first before walking out, then coming back in for his bag, then finally exiting) she knew better than to feel hurt. For some reason-and it might have been the spirit of Sirius that guided her- she knew this was what he'd do. This was just the first step. She kissed him and most importantly, got him angry. No one had ever done that before.


	23. Chapter 23 : In which Lupin Reflects

"_I'll kill him."_

"_That's what you always say, Lil."_

"_But I mean it this time!"_

_Sixteen-year-old Remus Lupin grabbed his brown hair with both hands. His head had a pulse and his patience was running very low. A crazy, hormonal girl was jumping around in front of him, ranting and making him dizzy. This was not how he preferred to spend his Friday nights._

"_A singing cupid!" She cried, her arms gesturing wildly. "Really? Is he serious?"_

_"No Lily, I'm pretty sure this was James." _

_Lily Evan stopped her frantic pacing and scowled. "That's original." _

_The two were in the Room of Requirement which, due to Lily's emotional needs, was filled with large cushy arm chairs, butterbeer, and pictures of James Potter for her to throw darts at. Remus was all too familiar with this setting. Lily had been taking him up here to complain about his friend for years now. _

_"Was it supposed to be some kind of joke? Having a small winged half-naked man follow me through the hallways singing a song about my 'flaming red locks'?"_ _She narrowed her eyes and aimed a dart at James Potter's smirking expression. His photograph self ducked just in time to avoid injury._

"Ok, I'm not going to deny that James is…over the top." Remus said. "Still, has it ever occurred to you that he does all this stuff because he genuinely likes you?"

_"Of course! Be on his side!" Lily said, aiming yet another dart. "You always are!"_

_"Hey! I resent that!" he said. "I've let you drag me in here for the last three years and get free therapy. I never see you take Peter or Sirus up here!"_

_"That's because they are Peter and Sirius! Do you really expect me to talk to them about this stuff?" _

"_Get a girl to talk with." He suggested._

_Lily raised her eyebrow. "As must it surprises me, a bulk of the female population at Hogwarts would love to snog James Potter. I doubt I could get any useful advice out of them."_

_"Fine. Well, what about Severus?"_

_Lily stiffened. "What about him?"_

_"Aren't you two friends? Why can't you confide in him rather than wedge me between you and James?"_

_"We're not friends any more."_

_"Why not?"_

_"It's not important!"_

_"Fine!" Remus said, rolling his eyes. "It's not important."_

_Lily Evan was starting to annoy him. He knew his best mate fancied her more than anything, but that didn't stop him from wanting to chuck his copy of __Hogwarts a History__ at her in a very un-gentleman like fashion._

_"I didn't know this was all so painful for you." she said, looking slightly hurt._

_Remus sighed. "It's not that I don't want to talk to you Lily, but Merlin, this is the fifth time you've dragged me here this week! First it was the pick-up line about the wand in potions, then the flaming chocolates on Tuesday, the public proclamation of love during lunch on Wednesday, and the-"_

_"Mrs. Lily Potter button he charmed to STICK to my robes on Thursday!" she finished, pointing to the singe marks on her robes left over from the incident._

_Remus sprang up from his seat. "Yes and now I'm spending so much time with you that James is starting to think we're secret lovers. Did I mention James could send a pretty scary jinx my way?! Merlin, why do I have to be the nice guy that girls like to talk to about this stuff? Why must I be punished for being the sensitive, quiet sort? Is it some cruel joke that I, the Hogwarts werewolf, am treated like a bloody girl most of the time?"_

_Lily looked a little taken aback. Remus was rarely so forward._

_"You want to know what I really think?" he asked, glaring at her._

_Lily paused. She wasn't sure if she did._

_"I think you should stop PMSing up here with me, march down to the common room, grab James, and snog him senseless."_

_"What on earth-"_

_"You heard me! I'm tired of hearing both ends of it. 'Oh Remus, I'm so in love with her!' and 'Oh Remus, he's driving me crazy!' Well, not anymore! From here on out I'm on strike. You've both driven me mad - especially you! You want to know why he drives you up the wall? You want to know why you won't shut up about his tricks and pick-up lines? It's because you're in love with him and you bloody well know it! So, why don't you go and tell him already so I can get a good night's sleep and pass my final exams! If this craziness comes with love, I want absolutely no part in it!"_

* * *

The words rang like his ears like he'd spoken them yesterday and not twenty years ago. Remus Lupin was on his bed staring at his ceiling, thinking about things he hadn't let himself dwell on for years – the small fights from his sixth year, Lily and James' wedding, the outstanding madness of past full moons. It all seemed like a different lifetime. Fifteen years ago he thought he had died with his friends, only he was cursed to keep walking and breathing like a normal person. Now he didn't know what to think. One hour ago he'd been kissing Nymphadora Tonks and acting as crazy as sixteen-year-old Lily and James put together. He was alive again, not to mention utterly confused.

He smiled and pictured Lily as an older thirty-something mother listening to him rant and rave about some younger girl. The more the thought about it, the more the hypothetical made him sad.

Still, it was difficult to be sad when Tonk's scent - a mixture of cotton and apples - was still lingering on his coat.

A tinkling of glass woke Lupin up from his daydreams. He grabbed his wand and without thinking pointed it at his now broken window.

Fawkes the phoenix was perched on the sill. In an effort to altert him of her presence, she had pecked a hole in the glass. The red, majestic bird stood there without guilt, head tilted to the side as if observing an animal in the zoo. He sighed and placed the wand back in his pocket. Fawkes took that as her cue to hop in the room and offer him the letter tied to her leg.

"Thanks." He said, offering her a piece of chocolate from his pocket. The bird accepted it gratefully.

He looked down at the small envelope in his hand. The narrow, loopy handwriting was all too familiar. Remus Lupin's stomach lurched. With the unexpected events of the day distracting him, he'd almost forgotten about this. He'd been expecting this message.

Reality was back and there was a job to be done.


	24. Chapter 24 : His Scars

"_Blasted garden gnome_!"

Alastor Moody, not even bothering to implement his magical powers, swiftly kicked the lump away from his feet. The thing he hated most about visiting the Burrow was the variety of scurrying creatures that he had to plow through to get to the front door. He didn't mind the larger, dangerous kind, but these little beasts made him impatient.

He growled in the direction of the flying gnome and heard a disapproving 'tut-tut' from behind him.

"Aw, Moody. They're not all bad." Tonks said.

His magical blue eye zoomed to inspect her. He didn't know it was possible, but her hair was even brighter than usual. Her eyes were sparkling to match.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Excuse me?" she laughed.

"You look far too happy right now for your own good." he muttered. Tonks couldn't tell whether he was being serious or not. It wasn't always clear with Moody.

She shrugged, trying to suppress the grin that had been plastered over her expression for about a week now. "Can't a girl be happy?"

Moody eyed her with suspicion. "I suppose." he concluded, knocking loudly on the Burrow's door.

Tonks sighed and followed him inside.

These days Tonks had to do her best to stay focused. her mind seemed to slip in and out of memories easily. In fact, he had to consciously stop herself from drifting off to the scene from Grimmauld Place just eight short days before. His smell....his lips...

"Tonks, have you seen Lupin?"

Tonks jumped about a foot in the air and looked around. Her boss, Kingsley Shacklebolt had snapped her back in the moment. To her surprise, she had entered the house, maneuvered around the furniture, and sat down calmly in a dining room chair without so much as noticing. Had this man made her that disconnected from reality?

She shook her head. "Uh - No."

"He's late, then." he said, pacing around and taking his seat next to the head of the table.

"Well," Tonks said to the room. "The full moon was last week and Remus usually takes a few days after the cycle to clear his head, so it's not..." She stopped and looked around. More people were staring at her now. Molly had raised an eyebrow and Hagrid cleared his throat. A nervous chuckle came from her throat. "It's not like I'm keeping tabs on the bloke or anything..."

Her cheeks flushed slightly, but she used her powers to cover it up.

"Alright..." Arthur said slowly. "Well, I suppose we can start as soon as Dumbledore gets -"

POP!

The man himself appeared out of thin air so quickly, that even Moody jumped a bit in his seat. Dumbledore was now leaning back in his usual chair, looking as unfazed as though he'd been relaxing in that same spot for hours.

"Good evening." he said calmly to the Order.

There were murmurs around the table in response, but it only took a few seconds for all pairs of eyes to find his hand.

It was dark and ashy - almost dead looking. Several jaws dropped. No one said a word. Dumbledore looked amused by their reactions. He twirled his wand though his withered fingers as though nothing had changed.

"It's a long story - far too boring and insignificant to tell, I assure you." He finally said.

No one pressed him or asked questions. If this was all Dumbledore had to say, this was clearly all the information they would receive. They had all learned this a long time ago. Tonks would have to swallow her curiosity for now.

"I should probably add," Dumbledore said to Kingsley "that Severus will not be joining us today. He had some sensitive business to attend to."

"Lupin isn't here either." Moody said gruffly, as though he disapproved of all these absences.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "If I'm not mistaken, he will be knocking on the front door in just -"

A loud knock sounded throughout the dining room. Tonks instinctively jumped up from her chair and knocked over a vase.

"Reparo." she muttered quickly, feeling even more embarrassed that usual.

"Well, Nymphadora." Dumbledore said, gesturing towards the door. "You seem eager. Why don't you go get that?"

* * *

Remus Lupin tried to charm the wrinkles out of his shirt, but it was no use. He had almost forgotten the feel of clothing on his skin. It was soft and civilized, clean and fresh.

He glanced quickly at his watch before knocking on the door. He was late. He hated being late.

On top of it all – his sore body, heavy eye lids, pounding head, and overwhelming sense of nervousness – the one person he had been both dreading and hoping to see opened the front door.

"Wotcher, Remus."

He was pierced by her almond eyes. They were dark blue today.

"W-Wotcher." He said stupidly, stepping in the house.

Before he knew it, she had flung her body affectionately on his and wrapped her arms around his neck.

He groaned in pain and Tonks leapt back. Lupin silently cursed his reaction and attempted to laugh it off.

Tonks narrowed her eyes suspiciously as she pulled away from the hug. She kept one hand on his shoulder.

The next sequence of events happened so fast, there was no way Lupin could have prevented it. Tonks grabbed his cloak and pulled down the shoulder. Then, without a word, she began unbuttoning his shirt furiously.

"Bloody hell, Dora!" Remus cried, wondering where Tonks had learned to undress someone so fast. She pulled aside the fabric to reveal his shoulder and upper body.

She covered her mouth with both hands.

Her horrified eyes ran over the deep purple bruises and raw cuts on his chest. There was a five-incision scar that reminded her of nails on a chalkboard.

"Remus…"

Feeling both bothered and embarrassed, he buttoned his shirt up hastily. "It was the full moon last week."

"Bullocks!" she said. "I've seen you after the full moon, Remus and it's never been like this. Why is it that everyone is coming to the meeting injured today?"

"Injured? What do you mean?"

Before she could explain, Arthur popped his head in the hallway.

"Uh – it's been a few minutes," he said. His ears turned pink when he saw Lupin's disheveled robes. "We were wondering what was going on…"

The two stammered and headed back to the meeting. Lupin took a seat on the other side of the table and avoided eye contact with Tonks.

"Well," Dumbledore said happily. "Now that all are here, we may begin. It's only fifteen minutes after schedule. This might be a record, Kingsley."

The business of the day unfolded in the usual manner. Each Order member had been assigned a geographical area for regular surveillance and was responsible to give relevant information to the group. Kingsley began and they circled round one by one. Tonks updated the group on Godric's Hallow. Luckily, nothing dangerous had happened there in the past few weeks. Her job had been easy compared to others'.

Next came Arthur, then Molly, then Hagrid. Finally, everyone's eyes turned to Remus. He was the last to go. He cleared his throat awkwardly and looked gravely up at Dumbledore.

"None of you are aware," the headmaster said calmly "but Remus has been working in a special area as of late."

Tonks shifted in her seat. This was the first she had heard of this.

Lupin paled and took a deep breath.

"Over the past few months I've been visiting a werewolf colony."

He didn't look at Tonks. He lacked the strength. Across the table, the emotion was draining from his young friend's face. Her features became oddly hard, as though someone had stunned her.

The room was silent, but Remus continued on. "I went back and forth, growing acquainted to the colony members in an effort to gain their trust. It wasn't easy with Greyback questioning my loyalty. Still, most seemed eager to accept another member. Being close to this group will help us understand how Voldemort is using dark creatures to his advantage and what plans they are executing for him. We will know what he is offering them and how far these groups are willing to go for him."

A small whimper came out of Molly Weasley. Her husband grabbed her arm. Tonks looked over at their linked hands with jealousy before returning her attention to Remus.

"Last week during the full moon I was given my…_initiation_."

Tears were brimming in her eyes and no magic could prevent it. She looked down her hands, now squirming on her lap. She knew the reason why his body was littered with scars and why he winced at her touch. Well, at least one of the reasons.

"I'm telling you this, because now that I'm initiated I will be joining them permanently. Part of their culture is that they shut out all others. It will be next to impossible to reach me in these coming months."

Dumbledore put his hand gently on Remus' shoulder in a fatherly way. "I asked Remus to tell you tonight and it was I who requested this mission be secret in its initial stages. His duties will be life threatening. We have much gratitude for his sacrifice."

* * *

The second Dumbledore dismissed the meeting, Tonks leapt from her chair and bolted out the door. A garden gnome clung on to her ankle as she crossed the Weasley's front yard.

"_Blasted garden gnome_!" she yelled, trying to shake it off.

"Stupefy!"

The weight was lifted off her leg. As turned around she saw Lupin standing at the front door, placing his wand back in his pocket.

"Dora- I need to speak with you." He said, walking toward her.

"Like hell you do!"

"Please, you need to understand."

"Well, I don't and I never will." She crossed her arms defiantly. "I can't believe you would do that. Is the information you're collecting really worth it? Worth the risk?"

Lupin shoved his hands in his pockets. For a moment he reminded Tonks of a lanky school boy.

"Dora, this is something no one else in the Order can do. Not only am I the only true werewolf, but I'm the only on without-"

"What? You don't have a family so that makes you expendable – is that it?" she asked. "You're logic is warped! People care about you, Remus. Harry cares about you. Your students care about you. I care about you." Her last sentence was softer. She felt her arms loosen and some of the anger drain from her face.

"We shouldn't have kissed last week." He said plainly.

She shrugged. "Since when do I care what I should or shouldn't do? Unlike you, I'm unconcerned with rules. Besides, you seemed to have enjoyed it."

"I did."

"Then I don't see the problem then." She extended her hand to him, but he stepped back.

"Dora," Lupin ran his fingers through his brown hair. "I wish I could. You have no idea how much."

She bit her lip and tried not to cry. Never in her whole life had Nymphadora Tonks let a man make her cry - not after Billy Rodgers pushed her down in grammar school and not after she and Bill broke up at Hogwarts. It felt different this time. She felt uncharacteristically weak. She, the youngest auror in decades, had come across a force she couldn't fight.

"Sometimes I really hate you, you know that?" she choked out, wiping the tears pathetically from her cheeks.

Lupin reached deep in his pocket and handed her a handkerchief with a shaking hand. She shook her head, not wanting to take anything from him. Before she turned to apparate, she looked back and asked him one more thing.

"Why do you assume you are less human than the rest of us?"


	25. Chapter 25 : Snape

_"Another Firewiskey, Aberforth!"_

Tonks slammed her empty glass down on the counter. The bartender shook his head in disagreement.

"It's not that I don't appreciate the extra business, darling, but I think you've had enough for tonight."

A few hours earlier, Tonks had clearly not been apparating with the proper amount of concentration. In her agitated state her body took her to the Hogshead pub instead of her London flat. Magic was sometimes funny that way.

"Please, Abe. I really need it tonight." She whined. Her pink hair was dropping limply on the side of her face.

"You're pathetic." He said in response to her pout. "Tell you what? Why don't I fill your cup with some butterbeer instead - on the house."

She waved her hand dismissively. This was not a battle she would win.

She sipped her beverage and sighed into her cup. She felt like her life was slowly becoming one of those soap operas her muggle grandmother watched constantly– only her story had dark magic in addition to all the heartbreak. She groaned and placed her head down on the counter. The night could not get much worse.

_"Nymphadora Tonks? Is that you?"_

She didn't look up because she didn't want to face that owner of that voice. She knew that voice. It was hard to miss the judgmental sneer and heavy disapproval lining the tone. It was truly unique.

"What in Merlin's beard are you doing here _Snape_?" she cried into the wood below her face.

Aberforth placed an empty cup next to Snape. "What would you like, Severus?"

"Firewhiskey." He said.

"Coming up."

"Wait!" Tonks surfaced from her slouched position. "How come he gets one and I don't?"

"Because I am not a blubbering mess." Snape said distastefully. He looked at her like a student who hadn't done their homework.

Tonks scowled. "At least I showed up to the Order meeting today. Can't say the same for you, mate." She lifted her half empty glass in a commemorative toast.

"Don't be stupid." He spat. "Dumbledore needed me somewhere else."

"And we must all do as Dumbledore says, mustn't we?" she cooed.

"Indeed." he spat.

Snape looked down at his firewhiskey solemnly. Then, in one gulp, he downed his cup. Tonks raised her eyebrow.

"You know…" she said, half amused at his pain. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you weren't too pleased about Dumbledore's plans for you– whatever they might be."

"You have no idea." He said quietly.

Tonks groaned and spun around on her bar stool. She used to do this as a child. Her father would plop her on top so her feet were dangling, then he would push her round and round until she begged him to stop. She was starting to feel dizzy again.

"I don't think that's a good idea." Snape pointed out as he observed her glazed eyes.

"Perhaps you're right." She said, finally stopping and gripping the bar for balance. "I think I went a bit overboard tonight.

Snape mumbled something, but she couldn't make it out.

"So," he said, staring off on his second glass. "What's the occasion?"

"Occasion?"

"Yes – you're not drinking like this for no reason are you?"

"Ohh!" Tonks laughed. "No! I'm not. I – I suppose I was upset."

"About what?" he asked.

She smirked. "About something you wouldn't understand."

Normally, Tonks never talked to Snape like this. Honestly, he used to intimidate her. She would avoid being alone with him. She tended to babble or make awkward conversation when alone with people. Then again, after a few drinks that insecurity meant absolutely nothing.

"Let me guess." He said slowly. "You're drowning your romantic woes in alcohol?"

"I don't think it takes much intelligence to reach that conclusion, Snape." She said. "I am not impressed with your deductive skills."

"So you've decided to forget this man by getting drunk and blubbering away your problems?"

"Sure. What's wrong with that?" she challenged.

"Don't you find it cliché?"

She snickered. "Hey! You're funny when you want to be!"

Snape looked confused. He had absolutely no intention of being funny. He rarely did.

"Ok, what would you do?" Tonks asked.

Snape furrowed his eyebrows. "What would I do?"

"Sure." She said, resting her chin on her hands and looking up at him. Her eagerness and wide eyes reminded him of the way Hermione Granger sat in the front row of his class. "What would you do if you were madly in love with someone who you could never be with?"

Tonks, though fairly drunk, couldn't help but notice the odd change in Snape's face. He looked almost sad. He was staring down in his Firewhiskey as if he wanted to magic more in his cup.

"It sounds like a hopeless case to me." He said coldly, drinking the last of it.

She sighed.

The two sat in awkward silence for a few minutes. The bar was clearing up. People were slowly heading out to their homes. Both Snape and Tonks stayed in their seats. Snape seemed deep in thought and Tonks' dizziness was making her reluctant to move anywhere at present.

"Isn't Remus Lupin a bit old for you?"

Tonks' mouth dropped open.

"Excuse me?"

"Isn't he too old for you? Not to mention he turns into a wolf one a month..."

Her eyes darkened menacingly at the man next to her. "What the hell gave the idea that-"

"You really shouldn't wear your emotions in the forefront of your mind." He interrupted. "Anyone with Legilimency training could see right through you."

She gaped at him. "Holy Horntail, Snape! Can't a girl expect some privacy in her own mind _at the very least_?"

"No one has privacy these days." He said gravely.

"You misinterpreted my emotions. I'm not in love with Remus." She said angrily.

"Oh?"

"No, he's just going away on a dangerous mission and, as a fellow Order member, I reserve the right to have general concern – as should you. You would know that if you have actually come to the meeting today." She pointed out. She felt satisfied with her lie, but decided to avoid eye contact with Snape just in case it hadn't worked.

"Well," she said. "I'll be off now. Thank you for a lovely evening, Aberforth. Snape, I wish I could say the same."

The bartender raised an eyebrow at the stumbling girl. "You serious?" he asked. "Did anyone ever tell you not to drink and apparate? You could end up in Brazil or America."

"I'm perfectly fine!" as she declared this, a hiccup escaped her mouth. She blushed.

Snape rolled his eyes. "Must I do everything?" he walked over to the girl and grabbed her arm, leading her outside the pub.

"Oi! Whatcha doing there Snape? Get off me!" she cried, trying to yank her arm from his grip.

"Taking you back home. If we're going to loose another Order member it shouldn't be because of something has stupid as drunken splinching." He sneered.

Tonks winced at the very thought. It didn't sound pretty.

"What's your address?"

She muttered the street she lived on and before she could prepare, Snape had already led them whirling into space.

She hit the ground hard, gasping for breath. Her stomach was given an unwelcome jolt. She heaved forward. "Delightful…" she muttered, wiping her mouth.

Tonks turned around to thank Snape, but he had already left.

The next morning would mark the beginning of the most trying phase of Tonks' life. If that wasn't bad enough, it would all start with a hangover.


	26. Chapter 26 : One month later

One month later...

Remus Lupin shifted uncomfortably in his clothing. His jacket, shirt, and tattered tie felt like foreign drapery over his body. Even after a month, he'd forgotten the feel of small civilities: clean skin, a shaved face, and furniture.

He was sitting in Dumbledore's office, staring at portraits of old headmasters. They whispered and pointed down at him. He didn't blame them. If he looked as worn and tired as he felt, then he was surely a sight to see. Scars decorated his still young face and his hair had grown out long and unruly.

The door clicked open behind him and his school boy instincts made him sit up straighter.

Dumbledore and Snape walked briskly in, the headmaster taking his usual seat across from his desk and Snape standing stiffly at his side. Lupin swore he saw his old classmate sneer at him. Perhaps he was just seeing things. Then again, it was Severus Snape.

"Remus…" Dumbledore sighed, eyeing the exhausted man before him. "Were you followed?"

He shook his head. "No, sir. The colony doesn't know where I am. They expect my return in a few days."

"Hmm." Dumbledore laced his long fingers together looked over Lupin's scars. "Severus, is there anything you can do?"

Without a word Snape took a vial of potion from his robe pocket and began to walk toward Lupin. Lupin stood abruptly and shook his head.

"No…no, thank you." He said, backing away. "That's not a good idea. I don't want any of them to think I resorted to magical healing while I was away."

Snape looked back at Dumbledore, but the headmaster seemed to see reason in this excuse.

"So be it." Snape said tartly. "You can live with your pain."

Lupin took his seat again. "I hope you found the information I sent you useful."

"Yes." Dumbledore said. "Your work has prevented several Greyback attacks. After your tip offs, aurors were assigned to protect the threatened families…"

"Which aurors?" Lupin interrupted without thinking. Snape raised his eyebrow.

"…I hope that these successes haven't caused them to distrust you." Dumbledore finished as though he hadn't heard anything.

Lupin cleared his throat, but keep his silence.

"Is that why you have so many scars, Remus?" Dumbledore said sadly, his eyes piecing into him over the half moon spectacles.

"Perhaps it would be too dangerous for Lupin to return to his undercover post." Snape offered.

Lupin narrowed his eyes. "Of course it isn't. Greyback is one of the most deadly weapons Voldemort has. We have to keep him in check. I'm the only one who can do this."

Dumbledore raised his hand and silenced the two men. "You're right, Remus. You are the only one who can do this. Unfortunately, Greyback might not be the most dangerous of Volemort's followers at present. Since the confrontation at the Ministry earlier this year, Voldemort has stayed out of the public eye. Clearly, he prefers to bide his time while his servants carry out his work."

"Who could possibly be more dangerous than Greyback?" Lupin asked skeptically.

"Bellatrix seems to be flexing her muscles." Snape explained.

Lupin looked back and forth between the men before him. "She has always been dangerous. What's different now?"

"It seems that in addition to her usual terrors and attacks, Bellatrix is targeting specific Order members." Dumbledore explained calmly. "She obviously wants to weaken the resistance-"

"Which Order members?" Lupin asked sharply.

"Tonks, obviously." Snape said without ceremony. "Bella wants to finish pruning her family tree."

"_Well, what have you been doing about it_?" Lupin asked with an accusatory tone.

"Excuse me?" Snape asked.

"Well, isn't that your job?" Lupin was raising his voice. Behind his eyes was the pent-up aggression from his last month undercover. "You're supposed to stop these threats from happening before they start."

"You know nothing about my job." Snape said dangerous.

"Gentlemen!" Dumbledore said loudly, silencing the fight. "Please refrain from dueling in my office. I have no time to clean."

The two men narrowed their eyes at each other, but followed orders reluctantly.

"Now," Dumbledore returned the conversation to civility. "for the last several weeks Tonks has received threats from Bellatrix, but nothing has happened. So far only Severus and I know of these threats."

"Why?" Lupin challenged.

"Because Tonks hasn't felt the need to tell the Order." Snape said distastefully, as though Tonks' pride was offensive and silly to him. "The only reasons Dumbledore knows is because Andromena contacted him."

Lupin sat back in his chair, cursing Tonks silently. Only she could be foolish enough to keep this a secret.

Dumbledore cleared his throat. "I would like to point out that Nymphadora Tonks is not a wood nymph. She is a certified Ministry auror who has gone through training and defensive obstacles that neither of you have faced. She is quite capable of taking care herself. This situation is not being taken lightly, however. I assure you."

Lupin didn't like this. He didn't like this at all.

"Now," Dumbledore continued. "Seeing as you have just a few days rest and cannot be seen by many, I've told Molly to expect you at the Burrow for the weekend. I suggest you apparate there immediantely following the meeting. Detours are out of the questions. Is that clear?"

Lupin nodded stiffly. He eyed Snape and clenched his fists. It took all of his self-restraint and every ounce of respect he had for Dumbledore to stop from punching the potions master in his already crooked nose.

He walked out of the office a few minutes later without turning back. As he stepped past the Hogwarts barrier and spun through swirling space, he didn't have the Burrow on his mind.

There was only one place he wanted to be right now.


	27. Chapter 27 : Tea and Sympathy

Across the country, after Snape, Dumbledore, and Lupin were finished discussing important matters, the Weasley twins began discussing extremely trivial ones. No one would expect any less of them, really.

"If you could've exited Hogwarts any other way – you know, besides our brilliant fireworks display – what would it be?" George posed the question. The boys were lying awake in their room at the Burrow. Fred was bouncing a small, squealing ball against the ceiling (a new prototype for their shop). Every few bounces a small face on its surface changed expressions.

"Hmmm…that's a tough one." Fred contemplated, bouncing the ball one more time. "Our exit was perfect. If I had to choose another method I would say a mass anti-gravity spell…or maybe a flood."

"Not as colorful as our original take, though." George commented.

"No regrets, brother." The other twin smirked smirked.

"_Excuse me!_" hissed a voice from their door. The boys sat upright and saw a very frazzled, agitated Ginny.

"Aww! Our little sister has come to join the after party, Fred." George said. "What brings you here, Ginevra? Isn't it past your bedtime?"

"Yes – " Fred joined in the teasing. "would your alertness have anything to do with a certain lighting-bolt-scarred-black-haired-boy due at our doorstep with Dumbledore soon?"

She blushed, rolled her eyes and jumped on Fred's bed hard, causing him to bounce a foot in the air. He yelped and she caught his ball while he was distracted. "You two are ridiculous. I hate it when you come to visit. How can a girl be expected to sleep when a small ball keeps thumping against her floor?"

"Oh. Sorry…"

"Plus," she added. "Phlegm is sleeping in my room, remember? She talks in her sleep… i_n French_!"

Her twin brothers gave her sympathetic looks.

"No offense to Bill," said George. "but I wouldn't go for the fruity-tooty French type. I prefer –"

"Tonks!" cried Ginny

"Well, now that you mention it…" George said dreamily sitting back in his bed.

"No!" Ginny said, now pointing to their window. "Tonks is _here_. She's walking across the gate right now."

The three Weasley children scrambled to the window to catch a better glimpse of the young Order member.

"No way!" George said. "That can't be Tonks. She looks all…all…_different_."

"Dad said she's been having trouble transforming these days. Emotional strain…" Ginny explained. "Probably because of Sirius' death."

"Hmmm." Said Fred. "Interesting. She's shorter, but she does have a nice set of – "

"Indeed!" George interrupted him. "Wonder why she hides those from the world…"

Ginny hit both of her brothers behind the head. "Don't be gross! Aurors have to be athletic. It makes sense that she would adjust her body type if she had to …you know…run around all the time."

"What's Tonks doing here, though?" Fred asked. The three of them suddenly paused to hear muffled voices coming from below. Their mother had just let in Tonks. The sound of their footsteps indicated that they were in the kitchen.

"Extendable ears?" Fred asked mischievously, jumping off the bed and rummaging through this trunk.

George smiled. "Absolutely."

The three tiptoed toward the top of he stair landing just above the Burrow's kitchen entrance. Fred slowly lowered two strings down. He took one and Ginny grabbed the other

"What are they saying?" hissed George.

"Tonks is crying!" Fred said. "She's says that she's going mad and can't take it anymore."

"Take what anymore?" George asked.

"She says she looks nuts because she can't ear born." Fred said confidently.

Ginny rolled her eyes. "_Transform_" she corrected his interpretation.

"Yes, that makes more sense." said George.

"And…." Fred said, listening intently. "It's all because of Tim."

"_Him,_ not Tim!" Ginny said.

"Who is "him"?" George asked. His brother and sister waved frantically for him to be quiet.

"She says she needs to tell someone her secret or she'll burst." Ginny whispered. "Tonks seems on edge…"

Suddenly Fred's jaw dropped and he attempted to translate the climactic confession. "Tonks says she's _engulfed in reboot lupis_. Engulfed in reboot lupis? What the hell does that - ?"

"_She's in love with Remus Lupin_!" cried Ginny excitedly, finally understanding the muffled sounds. The boys motioned for her to lower her voice. She quickly shut up.

All three spies gasped when they heard a knock on the front door. Their mother walk quickly down the hall to open it and in response they rushed back up to a higher landing out of sight, but still in ear shot. Fred and Ginny frantically coiled up their extendable ears before Mrs. Weasley noticed the fleshy string dangling from her staircase.

"Dumbledore!" Molly said, letting the headmaster in their home. A familiar young boy followed him inside. Ginny's insides twisted around, but she wasn't about to let her brothers know about it.

"Molly, it's lovely to see you again. Here is Harry – safe and delivered as planned. I see you have another guest here." His head turned to Tonks who had just made her way down the hallway toward the new arrivals. Her walk was more timid than usual. Perhaps her body language had adjusted to fit her smaller, more fragile apperance.

"Wotcher, Harry." She said in her usual way. She turned to Mrs. Weasley again. "Molly, I really should be going. I don't want to intrude –"

"You're not!" Mrs. Weasley assured her. "Please stay. We can continue our conversation. You can come to dinner tomorrow. Remus will be there."

Looking uncomfortable, Tonks edged closer to the door. "I don't think I can make it. I'm sorry to leave like this. Thank you for the tea and sympathy, Molly." She practically ran out the door.

"Is Remus not here?" Dumbledore asked with eyebrows raised. "I met with him and Snape a few hours ago. He should've arrived here by now."

"I expected him then. Do you think anything happened?" Molly asked in a terrified voice.

Dumbledore shook his head. "I have a fairly good idea of where he is…"

Not wanting to linger in the foyer, Molly led her new guests into the kitchen. Dumbledore was the last to follow. As he passed below the three sneaking Weasley children, he looked up and winked. Ginny gasped.

"Do you think he knew we were –?"

"Ginny," George said. "It's Albus Dumbledore. Of course he knew."

* * *

Tonks couldn't get away form the Burrow fast enough. Here she was, weeks without seeing Remus, and she was a complete mess. She didn't feel or look like her usual self – a weakness she bitterly attributed to the man that had so unceremoniously shaken up her life. As the time passed with them apart, Tonks only simmered in her own sadness, bitterness, and longing. It proved to be a lethal combination. The evidence was her breakdown in Molly's kitchen just minutes before. Unable to reach her mother for advice, Tonks' feet had single-mindedly led her to the Weasley matriarch. Unfortunately, that session was quickly interrupted by the two most important people in the Wizarding World – Harry Potter and Albus Dumbledore. Tonks felt like an idiot as she left the Burrow. There she was, the typical emotional female going on about her personal life while the boy who lived was just trying to keep on living.

"Excellent. Simply, brilliant." Tonks hissed to herself sarcastically. She apparated back to her street and hit the ground hard, knees scraped uncomfortably against the hard concrete. The empty London street was quiet – as it should be at almost 4 a.m. She started walking quickly back to her building.

A strong hand grabbed her arm and whipped her around. Tonks' heart stopped in her chest. Luckily, the face she saw was less threatening than expected.

"Devon." She said, calming down. Her twenty-something neighbor was swaying back and forth in front of her with a silly grin plastered on his face. He had been making passes at Tonks for years. Obviously he was just getting home from pubs.

"Hello darling." He slurred, trying his best to emit some charm. It wasn't working.

Tonks grimaced at his breath, which she was sure could make her drunk without any liquid at all.

"What's your name?" he asked.

She sighed, forgetting again that she looked completely different than her usual self and Devon wouldn't recognize her sober, let alone after a few pints.

"Sarah." She lied easily. "It's nice to meet you, but I have to go."

Tonks started power walking back to her building, but she could tell he was still following her. She groaned. This was the last thing she wanted to deal with.

"Look, just leave me alone." She whipped around and warned him sternly.

Devon laughed and walked up to her, trying to stroke her brown hair. She slapped his hand away.

"She's feisty!" he said.

He leaned in clumsily but Tonks dodged his face. "Merlin, how many drinks have you had, Devon?"

Clearly, he wasn't listening to her. He was tripping over himself trying to make any sort of lasting contact with this young woman. She couldn't tell whether he was being cocky, drunk, sloppy, or all three. Somehow he managed to wrap his arms around Tonks' waist and try and lift her off the ground, but his hands got too low for comfort.

"_Hey now_!" Tonks cried in an uncharacteristically high voice.

"Please let go of the young lady."

Both Devon and Tonks turned their heads toward the voice. For a minute Tonks thought she was dreaming. She must have been dreaming. The only thing preventing her from believing so was the sharp pinch she felt on her backside the next second.

"Ah!" she cried, trying to kick the laughing Devon in the shin. "Sod off!" She finally wrestled free of his grip and took a step back. She was, however, still trapped between Devon and a brick wall.

Remus Lupin stepped closer to them, this time with his wand out. It was definitely Remus Lupin – a dirtier, more worn version, but him nonetheless. Despite his sad looking garb, his stance was confident and his voice gallant.

_Damn it_, Tonks thought. _Why does he have to be so damn chivalrous?_

"Now step away from the lady." He warned again, raising his wand.

Devon laughed hysterically at that. "What are you doing to do – poke me to death?"

Remus stepped forward with a steady hand.

Tonks finally spoke up. "Please put that down." She motioned toward Remus' wand nervously. Remus broke his eye contact with the man to look at her. He surveyed her face quizzically. In his hesitation, he missed the swing that Devon made for him

There was a sickening crack as Remus' nose broke. He fought the instinct to clutch his face and instead raised his wand again.

"Petrif – " he started to cast the spell, but Tonks ran forward and knocked the wand from his hands. She kicked the stick across the street and in one fluid motion reached inside her purse for a small can and sprayed freely.

"AHHH!" the Devon screamed and clutched his face. "What the hell?"

"That'll teach you to keep your hands to yourself!" she cried, spraying his face with what Remus could only guess was some type of horrible potion. Remus watched as the man half ran, half stumbled away from this short, strange assailant.

Probably adding to his confusion, Tonks chose this moment to soundly slap Remus Lupin across the face. "What an idiot!" she hissed. "I want to scream at you but I can't wake my whole street."

Remus touched his stinging face. He had no idea what was going on or who this woman was. He'd only been trying to help while he waited for Dora to come home - where ever she was.

"You have a lot of nerve to come here." she continued, bending over to grab his wand. "And on top of everything you almost performed magic in front of a muggle – my drunk neighbor! EPISKI!"

His nose snapped back in place. "AH!" he screamed. She launched on him and covered his mouth desperately to muffle the string of questions she knew was about to come flooding from his mouth.

"When I take my hand off do you promise not to yell?" she asked softly. Her chocolate-colored almond eyes looked deep into his. Remus could only nod against her hand.

She backed away slowly and sighed.

"T –Tonks?" he stuttered.

She smirked. "Yeah. When did you realize?"

"When you slapped me." He said honestly.

He should have known. He should have known from the second he saw her. Maybe it was his nervousness or his time away from her that made him blind. After all, Lupin had seen Tonks' real form before; she had been the small woman peacefully sleeping on the floor of the Department of Mysteries earlier that year. Her pink hair was shoulder length, wispy brown now. She'd shrunken several inches and seemed visibly smaller. Both her features and figure were more delicate now.

"What are you staring at?" Tonks challenged, raising an eyebrow.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to."

She looked around them quickly then grabbed his hand and led him to her building. "We shouldn't linger here." She said, ushering him up the stairs swiftly. Remus noticed her grip was weaker than he remembered.

"What was that you used on him?" he asked when he got to her apartment.

Tonks bolted the door and used her wand to mutter safety incantations. When she was done she tossed the can to him.

"Pepper spray?" he read off the label. "Is that some sort of potion?"

She smiled at his ignorance. "My dad gave it to me when I turned sixteen. I never had the opportunity to use it. Apparently muggle girls use it for protection."

"This is what you're carrying these days?" Remus asked incredulously.

"I have my wand too!" she cried. "I just prefer not to out myself as a wizard to every bloke around."

Remus sighed. He _had_ been careless just then. "I'm sorry." He said. "I haven't used magic in months. I guess I was just…eager."

The two pauseed from their bantering and stared at each other. At this point reality set in for both and Tonks especially grasped the fact that she hadn't seen this man in a month. She remembered the dreams she would have at night – nightmares, really. For all she had knew, Remus could've died while undercover. His ban from outside contact had inspired so many horrible thoughts. Remus' imagination was reeling as well. Standing there staring at Tonks, he felt an overwhelming mixture of guilt and anger. Here she was, being hunted down by one of the more dangerous witch outlaws in the world and all he left her with was a can of pepper spray.

"I assure you, I can take care of myself." She said, as if reading his mind. She walked indifferently past him and started washing dishes.

"It's good to see you." Remus said sincerely, standing behind her as she continued with her distracting busy work.

Tonks didn't say anything. Clearly, she had no intention of letting down her guard down.

"I know about Bellatrix!" He blurted out, unable to hold in what he'd been dying to say.

Tonks dropped a dish. "Reparo." She muttered.

"Snape told me."

"Snape?" she whipped around angrily. "What a snitch. He would. I swear that man just butts into my life for fun."

"Dora, don't change the subject." Remus said. "As much as I love insulting Severus, let's please stay on topic."

She crossed her arms. "I'm handling it, Remus. There are more enchantments on this flat than scars on your body."

"You could stay with Molly." He suggested. "It would be safer –"

"To stay with other people?" Tonks laughed. "Trust me, Remus. It's best that I don't put anyone else in danger."

"So you're secluding yourself?" he asked looking concerned.

"Well, I learned from the best, didn't I?"

Remus coughed uncomfortably at that. "I have to go to the burrow, actually. I promised Dumbledore I would stay there."

"I know. In fact, I was just there. By the way, Dumbledore knows you made a detour." Tonks said.

"Damn it." Lupin said, ruffling his hair. Tonks tried to hide her smile. He looked like a schoolboy when he did that.

"How long are you…here?" she asked, almost afraid of the answer.

"Just two days. I have to go back soon."

Tonks sucked in her breath. She'd suspected as much.

She stepped forward with a sad look on her face. "Remus," she asked quietly. "Why did you come here really?"

If she had been her preferred height their faces would have been very close. The real Tonks, however, was about head shorter than Lupin. She wasn't used to looking up at him. He gulped as he met her upturned gaze. There was something about the tilt of her head and her eyes – even larger on her smaller body – that made her uncharacteristically vulnerable. She blinked slowly and, not even thinking, raised her head up to his.

"Bellatrix." He said quickly before Tonks' lips could arrive at her destination. "That's why I came."

The moment was gone. She backed away.

"I - I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"Oh really?" she asked, narrowing her eyes. "You came here?"

"Yes."

"To make sure I was alright?"

"Yes." He clarified again.

Hands on her hips, Tonks looked up with her familiar, confident expression of defiance. "Remus Lupin, if you don't want to be involved with me then I suggest that you stop acting like my bloody boyfriend!"

His eyes widened at her comment, "Y – Your boyfriend?"

"Yes!"

"I hardly think that coming to check on you warrants that label. I was concerned."

"Well stop being concerned! Let me do that, OK? You've picked your future, so let me have mine without you."

Standing there with shabby robes, messy facial hair, and scars littering his body, Remus suddenly understood the full meaning behind of his spontaneous detour. He had disregarded Dumbledore's instructions – _and why? _To stop and see her. He had deviated from the plan. He had compromised himself and almost compromised her. He had waited outside Tonks' doorstep for hours before she finally came home. He had nearly hexed a muggle on a pubilic street for her protection. The weight of his actions was becoming clear. _What am I doing?_ He thought to himself.

"Please," Tonks said, breaking him out of his reverie. "Just try and understand how I feel, Remus. I can't take much more of this emotional rollercoaster. If you don't want to be with me I need you to mean it…for my sake."

There was a determination in her eye. She meant was he said. Lupin took that as his cue to go.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly as he left. "I promise I'll leave you alone now."


	28. Chapter 28 : Wolves

Tonks watched the English countryside streak by her window on the Hogwarts Express. Greens, browns, and dark blue stripes overtook her vision as the landscape passed. It reminded her of the last time she had been on this train - seventeen with hair still changing color depending on her mood. She smiled at the memory.

"Dear? Care for a sweet from the trolley?"

Tonks snapped out of her thoughts and shook her head. The trolley woman shrugged and continued on her way.

Almost as if sleep walking, Tonks had finally reached September. It had been weeks since she last saw Lupin in her apartment. That whole confrontation seemed like a blip in her memory now. He had stuck to his word, too; Lupin hadn't contacted her at all since then – not that she was keeping track. Still, Tonks' mind sometimes wandered to that night and she wondered whether she'd made the right decision by asking him to cut ties.

The train came to a sudden stop and Tonks jumped from her seat. Students began shuffling past her compartment, grabbing bags and running off the train to another year at school. From the corner of her eye Tonks spotted a familiar face.

"Hermione?" she called out into the crowded hallway.

The bushy-haired teenager turned and smiled though she was sandwiched between Ron and a crowd of second years trying to get off the train. It didn't look like Ron minded much.

"Tonks!" she cried over the younger students' heads. "what are you doing here?"

"I'm stationed at Hogwarts and Hogsmeade now!" she explained. "Where's Harry?"

"That's a good question!" Ron yelled.

The two were pushed out of the door with the other students. Tonks surveyed the hall from her door, keeping her eyes open for round glasses and black hair. She found nothing.

Once the compartments had been drained of students, she got out her wand and began inspecting the cars one by one. A few minutes into her search she tripped over something quite solid. This was strange considering she saw nothing at her feet. She crouched down and felt around blindly. Her fingers picked up on a piece of smooth but invisible cloth. With one smooth movement she moved it and discovered an immobile Harry in a pool of his own blood.

"Harry!" she quickly reversed the body bind spell. Immediately the boy sat up and started clearing his airways. "How did this happen?"

"Uh – accident." He lied horribly.

"Sure." Tonks said, rolling her eyes. "Stuff like this happens all the time, then?"

Harry smirked through his bloody face. "You have no idea."

"Then this year on Hogwarts and Hogsmeade duty should be eventful. EPISKI!" she said suddenly.

Harry groaned and grabbed his face.

"Sorry." Tonks apologized. "I like to take people by surprise so they don't know it's coming."

Harry moved his face around and wiggled his nose experimentally. Everything seemed to be working. 'Th-Thanks."

Tonks gave him a hand and led him out the train car and towards to school. Harry protested the necessity of her escorting him, but she refused to leave his side. Obviously someone didn't want Harry back and Hogwarts and it was her job to make sure he walked through those front gates with nose intact and heart still beating.

"They locked it." Harry said once they arrived in front of the school's main gate. "How will I get in?"

"Never fear!" Tonks said with a chipper attitude. "I'll send a message. EXPECTO PATRONUM!"

A silvery shadow burst from her wand and galloped toward the school. She expected McGonagall or even Hagrid to come out to fetch him. The person who came, however, made both Tonks and Harry twitch.

"Good evening, Mr. Potter. I see you're making a fashionably late entrance again." Severus Snape sneered form the other side of the gate. Beside him walked Tonks' patronus. Tonks took one look at the four-legged animal and gulped.

"Severus, Harry was hurt on the train –"

"No excuses, Tonks." Snape shot at her. "The boy isn't making any so why should you?"

Tonks clenched her fists, but refrained from answering back. Instead she turned to Harry and gave him a big hug. The teenager smiled sheepishly.

"If you ever need anything at all, just ask me. I'm here." She said. Harry nodded.

"Potter!" Snape said, breaking up their moment. "Get back in the school. I'll be right behind you."

Tonks gave one last wave at Harry and watched him disappear towards the castle.

"Nice Patronus, by the way." Snape said with an unattractive, gloating smile. "Does it change with the full moon?"

The silvery beast walked over to Tonks and brushed its cloudy form against her arm as if to lovingly nudge it. Before tonight, the shape had always been an eagle. Snape had been around her long enough to know that the silvery four-legged creature was new.

"I'm not sure what you mean." She lied coldly. "And from one Order member to another, I just want to remind you that our job is to protect students not hurt them. It wouldn't kill you to be kind to Harry."

Judging by Snape's facial expression, he seemed he thought otherwise. "Yes, we protect him. We do not babysit him. I'm his teacher, not his moth-" Snape's breath caught in his chest. "Anyway…you should worry about other things, Tonks."

"Like what?" she asked.

Snape motioned to the now dissolving patronus next to her. _"Like him."_

_

* * *

_

"LUPIN!"

Greyback's harsh, inhuman voice pierced the cold air and caused Remus' skin to crawl. He rushed over to the ominous leader with twenty others like himself. With barely any clothes on, they filed neatly in line. Their breath came out in clouds.

"I'm here." Lupin said calmly.

Greyback walked over to him and snarled in his face. The younger man next to Lupin shuttered slightly. Lupin grabbed his arm to steady him.

"Don't let him know you're frightened." Remus whispered after Greyback turned away.

His young friend tried to stand tall and alert like Remus, but he was doing a poor job of it.

"People have been asking too many questions…." Greyback snarled, his eyes running down the rows of tattered half-humans. There was only one woman in the crowd – a young girl about Tonks' age who no one addressed by name. Remus found out in confidence that her name was Eve, but Greyback seemed perfectly content calling her everything but.

"You!" Greyback cried, barking in Eve's face. "You were late reporting back."

She kept her eyes forward, but didn't say anything.

"What?" Greyback asked, now amused. "Did you enjoy your time among the wizards. Do you think you're one of them?" His tone was scathing and painfully mocking. It made Lupin's blood boil.

"None of you are! DO YOU HEAR ME?" Greyback cried into the night air. He raised his hand and slapped Eve across the face. The girl didn't cry out or grab her face. She only flinched and regained her balance stubbornly. Lupin hated himself for not stopping it. A real man never stood by and watched a woman being beaten.

This was normal in the colony, especially among the newer members. Greyback seemed to take a two pronged approach to induction: physical and emotional abuse. He wanted to desensitize his followers to pain; toughen them up for conflicts and violence. He also wanted to break down their former selves and encourage them to either forget or hate all they left behind in the Wizarding World.

He was very good at it.

"Lupin…" Greyback hissed, now turning to his favorite target. "Do you have something to say?"

"No." Remus answered in a strong, clear voice.

Greyback stepped back and observed this one closely. He knew all about Remus Lupin by now. In fact, he had bitten him as a child. He was keeping a close eye on this recruit, not only because he used to keep company with the Dark Lord's enemies, but because his history showed a deep desire to assimilate into normal society.

Lupin was used to being stripped of his dignity and humanity on a daily basis now. Sometimes it was hard to remind himself what was real and what wasn't. When the lines blurred and he needed an emotional anchor or a reason to carry on, all he had to do was close his eyes and picture a familiar pair of brown, almond-shaped eyes.

Greyback sneered at Lupin, gritting his sharp teeth and narrowing his black eyes.

"I'll break you yet, Lupin. Then we'll see where your loyalties truly are."


	29. Chapter 29 : Christmas

_Dora,_

_Your mother and I are counting the days until you finally return home for Christmas. It's been took long since we've seen you. I know you're busy and important, but can't you make more time for good ole dad?_

_Send word soon. You mother worries about you on a daily basis, especially now that Bella's after you (Yes, we know. Dumbledore told us. We are you parents after all.) Now, we know you're a trained auror who is more than capable of protecting herself and others, but you're still our little girl and we're entitled to check up on you from time to time. It seems like just yesterday you were an eleven-year-old tripping over wand boxes at Ollivander's…_

Tonks chuckled at her father. Somehow all of his letters tripped into nostalgia by the third paragraph. She didn't mind too much. It was nice to be missed by someone. Ted Tonks was a good man – a great man, really. The Black family never agreed, but Tonks had always seen her father as a hero. Amazingly, he was never fazed by their disapproval. He still referred to them almost casually as though they were the most tyical, crazy in-laws one might expect from life. This only made Tonks love him more.

She folded up the note and continued onward, completing her usual patrol of the Hogwarts corridors. The letter had been a nice break from her routine and she was pleasantly surprised when the intelligent owl discovered her specific whereabouts in the castle. It had been a welcome distraction.

Tonks turned the corner and smiled. Just when she thought she wouldn't encounter any students on her night patrol, he stumbled across one of the most important ones. There was Harry Potter sitting on the floor leaning against the wall. Though he was half asleep, he had his wand clutched in his hand and a piece of parchment in front of him.

"Harry.." she whispered, not wanting to shock him. She squeezed his shoulder gently.

Harry straightened up and blinked a few times, then smiled at Tonks.

"Oh…hey Tonks!" He quickly muttered something to the now blank parchment and slid it in his back pocket. "On duty?"

She nodded. "And wondering what you're doing here…" she said with a twinkle in her eye. She had no intention of busting Harry Potter for being out so close to curfew, but she was curious as to why he was camped out in a deserted hallway with only hunting tapestries around him. There were no doors or rooms to be seen – no reason she saw that he'd be interested in that location.

Harry laughed nervously. "I've been so tired lately…you know, Quidditch. I should probably get some sleep."

"That might be a good idea." Tonks agreed, smiling and offering him a hand to get up.

Harry rose and brushed the dust off his trousers. He did look tired, then again maybe it was more stress than fatigue. Tonks read the uneasiness on his face. Clearly, there was something on Harry's mind that he wasn't sharing.

"Are you sure you're alright, mate?" she asked again, giving him another chance. "You can tell me, you know. I'm part of the Order, but I'm also young and cool."

Harry laughed. "Yeah, I know. I'll keep that in mind."

Tonks sighed. That was probably the best she would get out fo that boy tonight. She watched him head back to Gryffindor Tower. She followed him part of the way there before resuming her usual patrol path around the castle.

Now that it was her job to walk down the winding hallways and staircases, Tonks was beginning to appreciate Hogwarts in a new light. It had been a long time since she'd gone exploring as a student and she found that as an adult she was discovering new and interesting parts of the castle all the time.

This night was no different. As Tonks turned yet another corner, she spotted a door that was propped open – the only one in the hallway not safely shut. She furrowed her brow, raised her wand, and approached it cautiously. The inside was almost bare. There were no people, props, or furniture except for one mirror standing proudly in the center of the room. She placed her wand back in her pocket and stepped inside curiously.

_Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi_

The inscription on top of the mirror was odd, but it was nothing compared to what she saw in the glass.

Her eyes widened with both fear and hope. She knew that what she was seeing couldn't possibly be true, but it didn't stop her from turning around quickly just to make sure she was alone.

There, staring back and her with warm and loving eyes was Remus J. Lupin.

Tonks sucked in her breath painfully, for she knew it was a lie. Though her better judgement was screaming, she just couldn't make her self turn away. Her feet were planted firmly on the spot and her heart was swelling larger with each passing moment. Remus winked at her. His face was scar free and calm. He stood behind her and placed both hands on her shoulders. He then snaked his arms around her, hugging Tonks from behind as he swooped down and kissed her neck lovingly. The real Tonks shuddered, but the Tonks in the mirror was just as calm and happy just like the fictional Remus Lupin. Tonks wasn't sure how this was possible, but she was starting to feel jealous of herslf.

She let out a small sob as she melted under Remus' steady, blue-eyed gaze. _What kind of cruel joke was this?_

Somehow – and she didn't know how exactly – Tonks managed to move her legs and bolt towards the door. She slammed it shut and shuddered again, now thankful that there was a barrier between her and that mirror. Tonks knew herself well. If she hadn't followed her sensible impulse and pried her eyes away from that image, she might still be standing there...for God knows how long.

* * *

"Happy Christmas, Lupin!"

Ginny smiled warmly at her old professor and handed him a mince pie. He nodded gratefully, but didn't respond. She sighed. So far tonight, she had been the third Weasley to attempt (and fail) to put a smile on that scar-lined face.

Remus Lupin was moving slower than usual and those around him were tip-toeing on egg shells. Everyone knew what he was doing and why he looked so ragged and beaten down, but no one wanted to talk about it since it was Christmas. Remus quite agreed with them. He didn't feel like talking about his undercover work during the holiday festivities. He was just thankful to be at the Burrow at all. It had taken a small miracle for him to steal a few days away from the colony.

He was sitting next to Arthur and Harry, half listening to their conversation and half observing the busy family activity all around him. Just a year ago he'd been celebrating Christmas at Grimmauld place and talking about family with Tonks. That coversation was branded in the back of his mind.

"I know what I saw after Slughorn's party…" Harry's voice caught Lupin's attention. The sixteen-year-old was talking to Arthur seriously. "Snape and Malfoy were conspiring together. He'd helping Malfoy with whatever he's planning. I heard them!"

"Harry…" Lupin said, joining the conversation. Harry's green eyes pierced him suddenly and Lupin had to remind himself that he wasn't talking to Lilly Potter. "How do you know Snape's motive? Snape might just be trying to find out what Malfoy's up to in the first place."

Harry scowled. Now he looked like James. Lupin's mouth turned upwards at the sight. He couldn't help it.

"Dumbledore trusts Snape." Lupin said simply, trying to inject reason into his ex-pupil's mind. "That should be enough for all of us."

Arthur nodded in a agreement, but Harry didn't respond. It looked like the wheels were turning in his mind, but he wasn't sharing this thoughts. Lupin sighed. He watched Harry eventually get up and join the younger Weasley children across the room. For one brief moment, Lupin wished that he was Sirius Black. Sirius never had trouble talking to Harry, despite the fact that he'd spent far less time with him than Remus had. Lupin used to chalk it up to Sirius' more youthful personality, but now he wasn't so sure. He suddenly felt lacking in himself. Lupin desperately wanted to fill the paternal void in Harry's life…but honestly, he didn't know how and he wasn't sure if Harry wanted one in the first place.

"You're right, you know." Arthur said to Lupin, patting his back. "Harry doesn't want to hear it, but it's true. Snape is often unpleasant, but he has our trust."

"Harry has his father's bias." Lupin explained. "And I'm sure Snape doesn't treat him very well."

Arthur shrugged. "Tonks says he's been on edge lately."

"Who, Harry?"

"No – Snape. She sees quite a lot of him since she started patroling Hogwarts and Hogsmeade."

Lupin coughed violently, and pounded his chest. Some firewhiskey went down too quickly after Arthur's clarification.

"So Tonks spends a lot of time with Snape?" he asked curiously.

Arthur chuckled. "I doubt they're best friends, but surely the company of students can't always satisfy a woman in her twenties. No, I think they've reached a mutual respect. At least that's what I've observed at Order meetings."

"Hmmm…" Lupin said, sipping his drink again. "_Interesting._"

"Why do you ask, Remus?"

"No reason." He said quickly. "I'm glad she's not lonely…that's all."

Lupin cheeks felt flushed and it wasn't because of the crackling fire or the romantic tune coming from Molly's wireless set. He was feeling oddly jealous of Severus Snape – a man he never thought he'd be jealous of. Of course, Lupin knew very well that the Chudley Canons had a greater chance of winning the championship than Tonks had of falling for the likes of Severes Snape, but he envied that man's proximity to her. He envied Snape's easy access to the person he wanted to see the most (though he'd never admit it to anyone).

Lupin gazed out the window and watched the snow flakes descend on the surrounding countryside. He wondered what Tonks was doing right now and if she was thinking about him too.


	30. Chapter 30: Spring

**Chapter 30: Spring**

The year was going by fast – almost _too fast_ for Tonks. She still woke up every morning and stared at herself in the mirror for a good few minutes trying desperately to turn her hair pink. Unfortunately, this never worked. After months and months her body was still aware the broken heart beating in her chest. Now the evidence was on display for everyone to see.

She absolutely hated it.

Still, life went on and remained somewhat tolerable. Tonks returned from the holiday season somewhat refreshed. She was determined to pour herself into Order business to...well, keep her mind off of a _certain someone_. The students appreciated her presence at school (except the Slytherins) and, overtime, Tonks learned to embrace the local company. In fact, she was becoming a regular at the Hog's Head. Last week Tonks swore that Aberforth Dumbledore actually smiled at her – a phenomenon she didn't know was possible.

" 'E was only turnin' his head to sneeze, Tonks." Hagrid argued.

"I prefer my version of reality, thank you very much." She countered with a smile.

Though most days were uneventful, there was an unmistakable sense of tension in the air at Hogwarts. Odd things kept happening. For one thing, Ron Weasley was mysteriously poisoned on his birthday, leaving both staff and students on edge. Tonks distinctly remembered walking by Hermione Granger that day, the young girl's hair and eyes wild with worry.

"Wotcher, Hermione. You OK?" she asked in a friendly tone.

The young teenager's eyes darted back and forth as though horrible scenarios were playing over and over in her head. Tonks eventually left her alone, personally relieved that she was no longer sixteen and in love (though being older and in love wasn't much easier…).

The previous semester there had also been an attack on Katie Bell, though _at least t_hat had been outside the castle walls. It made Tonks' skin crawl to know that a student could be harmed _inside_ Hogwarts like Ron had been. She spoke with Dumbledore about the matter, but he was oddly calm about the whole thing.

"Dora, please know that I have a firm handle on the situation." He said with that annoying, all-knowing twinkle in his eye.

Tonks wanted to groan whenever Dumbledore said stuff like that. How on earth was she supposed to counter it? He was Albus Dumbledore, the most skilled and wise wizard of the age! She couldn't question his judgment.

Tonks was therefore forced to continue her daily routines without the answers that she so desperately wanted. She had a funny feeling that there was something bigger going on that she didn't know about. In fact, Tonks often got that same feeling when she was around Severus Snape.

"Snape, you're looking a bit peaky." Tonks observed one day that Spring, catching up with the DADA professor in the hallway between classes. Truth be told, Snape always looked peaky but she found that calling him out on it agitated him (which was something she'd grown to enjoy).

He gritted his teeth and continued walking. "Don't you have something more important to do, Tonks? Last time I checked you were an auror."

"I am." She snapped back defensively, still following his long strides. "Want to duel me right now so I can prove it to you?"

He turned to her and raised a black eyebrow skeptically.

_"That won't be necessary."_

He swooped past her, his cape billowing dramatically. He exited the castle through the main doors, which only prodded Tonks' curiosity further. She'd assumed that he was walking to the teachers' lounge or even another classroom. Where on earth would he be going to in the middle of the school day?

Unable to resist, Tonks interrupted her usual rounds to follow Snape outside. From a distance she spotted him enter the forbidden forest behind Hagrid's hut. She followed him, occasionally ducking behind structures to avoid being caught. She had no idea why she was so interested, but she couldn't stop until her questions were satisfied.

_"Dumbledore, this is ridiculous." _Tonks heard Snape's voice sneer at the headmaster. Tonks held her breath and pinned herself against a nearby tree. "I thought you would've thought of another way by now. This isn't what I signed up for! How do you expect me to go through with it?"

"Ah, but this is what you signed up for, Severus." Dumbledore countered in his usual, calm manner. "You also made a vow and right now, keeping that vow is more valuable than –"

"But what about…._after_?" Snape cried, sounding desperate. "How do you expect me to continue my work if you're –"

"You'll find a way, Severus. You always do."

"No." Snape said firmly now, his voice entering a dangerous tone. "What if I refuse to do it Dumbledore?"

"We both know you won't."

Snape hissed – or at least that's the way it sounded from Tonk's hiding place.

"Don't push me, Dumbledore…"

Suddenly, Tonks heard footsteps approaching. She cursed silently, remembering that she was unable to apparate or escape.

Snape's cloaked figure appeared in her line of vision. He paused on the spot and turned to Tonks slowly.

"What are you doing here?" He emphasized each word in the question with slow purpose.

Tonks stood tall, hoping that she didn't look too ridiculous crouched down behind a tree. "I was patrolling, of course."

_"Oh of course._" Snape said sarcastically. "And I suppose that the eavesdropping was just a bonus, was it?"

"I didn't mean to."

"Liar." Snape shot back. His eyes were boring into hers like he was reading her mind. Tonks closed her thoughts like a heavy trunk and crossed her arms.

"Don't even try and sift through my thoughts, Severus." Tonks said. "Don't think I don't know what you're doing."

Snape narrowed his eyes. "It would be wise for you to forget anything you've just heard, Nymphadora."

Tonks shuddered at the sound of her full name.

"Trust me when I say that you don't want any part of the scheme." He said seriously.

"I'm an auror and a member of the bloody Order!" she cried, now frustrated. "I should know what's going on."

Snape rolled his eyes. "You sound like a child."

She crossed her arms. "Funny, _I was going to say the same thing about you…._"

Snape strode up to her with an odd twitch on his face. It looked like he was holding something back. Tonks stood her ground firmly, not caring that she was inches shorter than she usually was and forced to stare up at this man.

"Is this a habit of yours…following around _older_ men? I would've thought you'd learned your lesson by now."

Tonks' jaw dropped. Completely disregarding her wand, she held up her hand to slap him, but Snape merely stepped back. A triumphant look of dominance was on his face. It made her want to vomit.

"In your dreams, Snape." She said countered, her eyes narrowing. "And don't think that your little personal jab is going to distract me from getting to the bottom of whatever you're doing."

Snape paused. Then, quite mysteriously, his stern expression melted into one of pain and regret.

"Just trust me." Snape almost whispered, avoiding her eye contact. "I wish I could tell someone…_but I just can't._"

With that, he walked briskly back into the main grounds of Hogwarts, leaving Tonks alone and confused in the forest. These unexpectedly sincere words from Severus Snape would haunt Tonks for weeks to come.


	31. Chapter 31: The Escape

**Chapter 31: The Escape**

Lupin's eyes shifted sideways to the trembling younger man on his right. He was fidgeting nervously, almost convulsing with fear. Lupin didn't blame him. If he weren't so skilled at hiding his emotions, he'd be doing the exact same thing.

The source of this nervousness was trudging in front of them: Greyback. Lupin didn't know what to expect tonight. Others from the colony had accompanied Greyback on similar moonlight trips before. They'd returned with stories ranging from boring to horrific. While some merely followed Greyback around as he planned his next cruel escapade, others were hazed within an inch of sanity.

Though it was spring, the night air was cold and Lupin could see his breath in clouds. His heart was beating fast - both from the exercise and the thought of what might come next. In the past few months Greyback had grown secretive about his plans - no doubt aware that details were finding their way to the Order of the Phoenix. Lupin knew he was the obvious culprit in these slip-ups. Each day he remained in the colony was a gamble.

His days at the colony were numbered. It was only a matter of time.

"Keep up!" Greyback growled from the front.

Bryan let out another whimper. Lupin sternly bumped his shoulder and gave him a warning look. It was in Bryan's best interest to remain stoic and unaffected.

Greyback led the two men to the edge of a field behind a tall row of hedges. Through a space in the shrubs Lupin spotted a house about 200 yards away.

It was then, in that terrifying instant, that Lupin realized why Greyback had led them there. Through the dim, evening setting Lupin made out a back porch swing and saw a little girl - no more than five - rocking back and forth on it.

The grin spreading across Greyback's contorted face confirmed Lupin's worst fears. Tonight, Greyback was going to bite.

_"This is our stop."_

Lupin looked again at the little girl. He reminded himself to stay calm and internalize his disgust. "Who is she?" Remus asked, keeping his voice steady.

Greyback snickered with delight. "Sarah Jennings, the daughter of the Minister for Control of Magical Creatures."

"You mean…th-the man who wants us all locked up?" Bryan asked shakily. "That's _his daughter?"_

Lupin turned his head to Byran with a sinking feeling. He could almost hear the fear leave the young man's voice; it was now freshly replaced with revenge and anger. The temptation in Bryan's eyes was unmistakable. Lupin had seen men like him fold everyday at the colony. Lupin had yet to be broken, though sometimes he pretended otherwise for his own safety.

"Lupin." Greyback hissed. "I want you to take this one."

Remus Lupin blinked calmly, though inside he was screaming. He had not expected this turn of events. He looked through the hedges at the little girl again, then up at the sky. The full moon would be appearing in just a few minutes.

Greyback's glee sickened Lupin. It was more than he could take. It was time for him to act.

It was time for him to finally escape.

Lupin casually raised his arm as if to stretch. The wand concealed in his sleeve pointed at Byran for a moment, allowing Lupin to cast a silent body-binding curse.

Bryan fell to the ground.

"He's fainted." Lupin lied and motioned to Bryan laying pathetically on the ground.

_"What a worthless piece of trash…_" Greyback kicked the immobile Bryan on the ground and turned to Lupin. "What about you? Are you going to faint?"

"Of course not."

"Just think, Lupin..." Greyback nodded maliciously toward the unsuspecting girl through their place behind the bushes. "Just a few years ago _that was you…_"

Lupin's pulse spiked. Greyback didn't notice, but Lupin's fists were now clenched.

"Remember that night? I do." taunted Greyback, now circling his remaining companion like a vulture. "_You were very young..."_

Lupin remembered. He remembered it all too well. He remembered hearing this mother's screaming from the house. Most of all, he remembered Greyback's hungry, spiteful face.

"And now you get to pass on the..._the tradition_." said Greyback.

The wand in Lupin's sleeve started to sneak out. He calmly looked Greyback in the eye.

"And...if I don't?"

Greyback's face fell. "If you refuse, I'll be forced to -"

"STUPEFY!"

A flash of red light flew towards Greyback. He dodged the spell by half an inch. By the time he had realized what had happened, Lupin was already sprinting in the opposite direction of the house and the little girl. He heard a growl close behind him, but Lupin only increased his speed.

_I have to lead him away from that house before I disapperate...I have to lead him away_, was the only thought running through Lupin's head. Above them, the moonlight was starting to peak through the clouds. Lupin ignored the beginning pains of his transformation and ran onwards.

Suddenly, a large body jumped on Lupin and pinned him to the ground. A pair of long finger nails stabbed into his back and scratched. Lupin yelled out in pain, but managed to throw Greyback off. Lupin's wand fell from his grasp and landed about ten feet away from the fight.

Then, another moonbeam peaked through the overcast evening sky. Lupin and Greyback both yelled out in pain, temporarily distracted by their transformation. Lupin saw the man before him start to change and felt the same things happening to him; slowly, their eyes started to enlarge and their teeth and hands began growing.

Desperate to disapperate before he lost awareness, Lupin ran to his wand. Unfortunately, Greyback charged toward Lupin.

"No!" the colony leader screamed through his pain. He ran toward Lupin, but the younger man had already wrapped his fingers around the wand tightly.

After months of concealing his true integrity and humanity, Lupin was finally free to express his disgust for Greyback.

And he was going to do it without magic.

Remus Lupin put all his weight behind his fist and punched Greyback squarely in the nose. The other man staggered back in shock and clutched his bloody, changing face. Lupin's satisfaction was short lived. He began to panic too when he realized that the same changes were happening to him.

He had to leave now. It was his only chance.

Lupin spun on the spot. He felt his bones contort and his mind grow hazy under the moonlight. Through his clouded thoughts, the only thing he could focus on wasn't a place at all. It was a person - someone with kind, almond-shaped eyes. He was going where she was...

* * *

_**Hours later, in Hogsmeade….**_

Severus Snape's temples were pounding. He groggily opened his eyes and discovered that his head was resting against a damp bar counter of the Hog's Head.

He groaned and straightened up. The room, usually bright and alive with locals, was almost pitch dark now. The clock on the wall said 5 a.m.

"Oh great..." Snape sneered distastefully to himself.

Exactly once a year on this day Snape drank until he blacked out. He'd performed the annual ritual for so long that Aberfoth must've expected it by now. He'd clearly allowed Snape to snooze on the bar undisturbed. Snape was thankful for that. The last thing he wanted (or needed), was a student catching him hobbling back pathetically into the castle after midnight.

The reason for Snape's annual pity party was in his hand. Well, not exactly. To put it accurately, _an image of the reason_ was in his hand. The folded, faded picture showed a red-haired young woman no more than sixteen. She was beaming up at Snape like an old friend, laughing happily and waving. He stared down at it, wondering when during his intoxicated night he chose to take out that haunting photo.

Today was Lily Evans' birthday. Snape liked to remember her as Lily Evans for obvious reasons. It was the name she had when they were friends at Hogwarts and, in his mind, it was still Lily's name. The one she died with...well...that _other _name only reminded him of what he'd lost so many years ago.

"Morning Snape!"

His head turned sharply to the source of the unexpected greeting. Tonks had just made her way down the stairs and was now leaning against the doorway looking at him. He'd almost forgotten that she was renting out one of the rooms upstairs while she was stationed at Hogwarts for patrol.

Though lacking her usual pinkness, Tonks still looked chipper – far more energetic and tolerant than when he last spoke to her in the Forbidden Forest.

"G-Good morning." he said to her with a pained face.

"Aberforth left me a note on my door and asked me to check on your before I left for my morning rounds."

"What did the note say?" Snape asked curiously.

"It just said that you'd fallen asleep and he didn't want to move you. He figured you would sober up and you could sneak back into the castle before breakfast."

Snape nodded and cleared his throat. He was trying his best to pretend like his head was throbbing horribly.

"What's that in your hand?" Tonks asked, walking closer to him.

Snape shoved the picture back in his pocket. "Nothing. _It's nothing._"

"Alright, alright." Tonks said defensively. "I was just asking…"

Snape looked up at her again and saw a rather smug smile on Tonks' face. He didn't like it.

"You must be loving this..." he sneered, slowing getting up from his seat and gathering his things.

"What do you mean?" Tonks asked innocently.

"You know...now the tables have turned." Snape explained, remembering the blubbering Tonks that he'd helped home almost a year before. "I'm a mess and you're…well, not."

Tonks sighed. "You know, Snape, I really don't hate you as much as you think I do."

Snape raised an eyebrow skeptically.

"It's true...you're annoying, secretive and bossy..." Tonks continued. "...oh, and you treat me like one of your students. Still, I trust you. Dumbledore trusts you, so I do too."

Snape didn't think it was possible, but he was starting to feel even worse now. Hearing this unexpected bit of faith from a young Order member was just depressing. He appreciated it, but knew that Tonks' trust would be short lived. In fact, Snape would've bet his last picture of Lily Evans that Tonks would hate him in just a few weeks.

"I guess I should get back to the castle." Snape said, heading for the door. Tonks followed him.

The two stepped out of the Hog's Head into the foggy, morning air. The sun was just starting to rise above the distant mountains. The moon was descending behind them.

"I love this part of the day, don't you?" Tonks asked, trying to break the silence with conversation. "The pink in the sky...the quiet stillness-"

Snape's arm interrupted Tonks' attempt at small talk. He placed it protectively in front of Tonks and used his body to block her. He quickly grabbed his wand and held it at the ready position.

Tonks did the same, but was still confused by the sudden gesture. "What are you -?"

_"Shhhh."_ Snape said, nodding down the foggy Hogsmeade street.

Tonks squinted into the distance and made out an approaching figure. Hunched over, almost crawling, the dark figure came toward them. Then, as it grew closer, the fog diminished and Tonks gasped.

She had never seen a werewolf in person before - not in all the time she'd been an auror. The picture before her wasn't what she had expected at all. The four-legged creature was tall with a thick grey coat, but it didn't look ominous. In fact, it looked more tired than frightful. It was even struggling to walk towards them. Tonks saw gashes and dried blood covering whole sections of the animal's body.

None of that got her, though. What got to her was the look that the werewolf gave her; even from a distance, his grey-blue eyes pierced straight through her.

"Oh my – Oh my –"

"Tonks, no!" Snape quickly held her back. Tonks kicked against his grasp, her small body desperately trying to run towards the animal.

"Let me go, Snape! I_ swear, you better let me go!"_

"No! You don't know what he'll do!"

Powerless in her smaller, weaker body, Tonks finally gave in and fell limp in Snape's grip. All she could do was watch Remus stagger forward.

The faint remains of the moon finally disappeared behind the mountains, leaving only the sun to light the sky. A long, gasping breath came out of the wolf. The animal threw its head back in pain and howled.

Thinking quickly, Snape cast a silencing charm from where he stood in order to avoid attention from the sleeping residents of Hogsmeade. The wolf was now howling silently – his agony only etched on his face. In fact, the wolf's face was growing rounder and more human. His body was shrinking and losing hair. The wolf convulsed in quiet pain as his bones reformed.

_"Remus…" _Tonks whispered, tears streaming down her face. Snape had slackened his grip on her. Tonks wasn't going anywhere no. She was stunned and stuck in place. Watching him go through this – watching the pain he had to go through every month of his adult life – was literally paralyzing her.

After a few minutes, the animal wasn't an animal anymore. For the first time in more than half a year, Tonks and Remus were reunited.

* * *

**a/n** - I know the past few chapters have been depressing...thanks for sticking with this fic! Things should turn brighter/lighter in these coming sections. Feedback welcome!


	32. Chapter 32: Dreams

**Chapter 32: Dreams**

Remus Lupin stirred in his sleep, tossing and turning in a world that no one else could see.

Tonks and Snape had settled him in the Hog's Head apartment shortly after finding him that morning. The whole day had gone by in a blur. Between classes and duties, they had somehow managed to take care of Lupin's immediate needs. Snape gave Lupin a sleeping potion to force rest on his body while the serious injuries healed. Judging by Lupin's restlessness, the sleeping potion was inducing intense dreams.

That evening Dumbledore stopped by. Despite Lupin's bleak condition and the mystery of his arrival, the headmaster remained calm. Tonks was nervous enough for the both of them. Her face had been pale since first seeing her friend that morning on the street. The horrific image of his transformation had been haunting her all day.

"Remus is as comfortable as he could be…considering the circumstances." Dumbledore observed. He smiled at Tonks in an attempt to reassure her.

It didn't work. The young witch continued to bite her nails nervously.

"He must've apparated during the initial stages of transformation." Snape observed, pointing to Lupin's body. "His injuries suggest it…"

Tonks shuttered. The very thought was terrifying. If that was true, it was a miracle that Lupin hadn't splinched.

"But why would he come here?" Tonks wondered aloud.

Snape sighed. "I think the more important question is…._who is following him?"_

Tonks and Dumbledore turned to their third companion. Though Dumbledore seemed to understand Snape's hidden meaning, Tonks was lost.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"I mean…" Snape started tactfully. "That Remus has obviously left the colony and I think it's safe to say it wasn't a peaceful exit…he'll be hunted. Isn't it obvious? Greyback is probably looking for him now."

Tonks rolled her eyes. "Snape, I'm an auror. I could've told you that."

"As an _auror_, I'm surprised you're not more concerned about it." He replied in an agitated tone.

"_Oh please, Snape_." she retorted. "My own aunt has been trying to hunt me down and kill me for over a year now. Can you name _anyone in this room_ who, at present, isn't avoiding death from some mortal enemy?"

Snape scowled, but didn't fire back. Tonks did have a point.

"Children, children let's not fight." Dumbledore's cool voice interrupted their spat. "There's enough unrest in the world without you two adding to it."

Tonks and Snape grumbled, turning away from each other.

"Well, as long as Nymphadora is willing to host him I believe leaving Remus here is best." Dumbledore concluded. "Bringing him to the hospital wing is out of the question. No one can know he is here. Snape is quite right. Greyback will no doubt be telling the other Death Eaters about Lupin's escape and they will be expecting him to turn up around Hogwarts."

"What?" Tonks asked. "You're not suggesting that Remus be moved for safety, are you? He's obviously too sick for that!"

"Oh, I quite agree." Dumbledore said. "So, while Remus is too weak to protect himself we'll have to do that for him."

Tonks nodded sensibly. Being prudent in these matters was best. Remus clearly needed protection.

"Snape," Dumbledore continued, turning to the current DADA professor, "I assume you're willing to be the secret keeper?"

_"Wait, what?"_ Tonks's high pitched reaction cut through the air and caused Lupin to stir. "_Who said anything about a secret keeper?"_

"I did." Dumbledore said. "I'm very serious, Tonks. I thought you supported protecting Lupin during his recovery."

"Well, of course I do!" she corrected hastily. "It's just I'm not sure it's a good idea to leave him here alone..."

"You're right, Nymphadora." Dumbledore said like an impressed professor in class. "That is why you are staying with him."

Her eyes widened like discs.

_"Excuse me?"_

Both Snape and Tonks exclaimed this in unison. To Snape, confining a trained auror to a one-room apartment with a recovering werewolf seemed like a waste of talent and resources. To Tonks, confining herself to a one-room apartment with a man who didn't reciprocate her feelings was…well, cruel.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "It's simple. Tonks, you are an excellent healer. That's no secret. If you weren't so skilled at combat you'd be working at St. Mungo. The castle can survive without you for a few days."

Tonks mouth gaped open. She paused, trying to think of something clever to say….anything to get out of this. Snape was attempting the same.

"Dumbledore, you can't be serious–" he started.

"Oh, but I am." The headmaster said, turning toward the door. "And Snape, you are the perfect man to keep their secret. Tonks and Lupin will be concealed here unless they either leave on their own accord or you divulge their location to a third party."

Without waiting for permission, Dumbledore effortlessly flicked his wand between the three younger people the in the room. Golden threads of magic weaved between Tonks, Lupin and Snape. Then, in another instant, they vanished.

Only the great Albus Dumbledore could perform such a complex charm with so little effort and formality.

"That should do it." Dumbledore remarked with a smile, halfway out the door. "Severus, are you coming?"

Snape hesitated. Tonks caught his eye with a sort of pleading, desperate look. Though she wanted Lupin to be safe and get better, the last thing she needed was to have the two of them (and their feelings) trapped in a fifteen by fifteen foot room for days without escape. The was just a recipe for disaster.

"Uh….good luck, Tonks," Snape said, catching her eye before he left. "Keep him hydrated and calm. Lupin won't wake up for a while, but don't be alarmed. The potion is strong and he needs the rest. Just let him wake up naturally."

She nodded to him stoically – half listening, half processing her new, complicated living situation.

Both Snape and Dumbledore eventually left for the castle. Tonks turned back toward her bed and stared at her new patient. Lupin's face looked troubled on her pillow. She sighed, wondering what he would say when he finally woke up and saw her there.

Tonks paused and looked around the room again, suddenly feeling very stupid.

"Oh great…" she mumbled. _"Where am I supposed to sleep tonight?"_

_

* * *

_

_A porch wing snapped._

_A low growl echoed in the cool night air._

_Then came a scream…a young, innocent scream._

_Lupin's human thoughts and instincts were overpowered; his personality was a thing of the past. He was a wolf now. He had cornered his prey, He had her just where she wanted her._

_There was no guilt in his obsessive mind. Lupin was only doing what he was told, after all. He was simply enacting revenge – bringing pain and loss to the man who didn't give a damn about Lupin's life or the life of any werewolf. Why should he care about his daughter? What would this man do if his own child were a monster like Lupin?_

_There was only one way to find out._

_The child cried out for her mother, but no one heard. No one came to help her._

_Without regret or hesitation, Lupin pounced._

_

* * *

_

"No! NO!"

Lupin was calling out in his sleep, tossing and turning violently in Tonks' bed.

"Lumos!" Tonks muttered.

Her apartment lit up. It was the middle of the night and, being a light sleeper, she'd been stirred ever hour or so by Lupin's unconscious outbursts. She didn't mind much. She was sleeping on the floor and wasn't comfortable to begin with. She might as well be up and doing something productive.

"Shhhhh…" Tonks said soothingly, though she knew Lupin couldn't hear her. His mind was somewhere else and she couldn't help him there.

She took a warm washcloth by his bed stand and dabbed his sweaty forehead for him. Lupin's body relaxed, but his eyes remained shut. Tonks hoped that his mind would him to a better place – somewhere with less pain. If he was going to dream, it might as well be a good one.

Tonks smiled down at him and gently pushed a stray hair from his face. While he was asleep she felt free to be affectionate with him. She felt free to be tender.

"We're spending the night together, Remus." Tonks laughed to herself. "How disapproving and scandalized you'd be right now if you were awake…"

But Lupin wasn't awake. Not yet, anyway. He was drifting into another dream.

* * *

_"Oi, Lupin! Care for a butterbeer?"_

_Charlie Weasley shuffled by Lupin with a tray of tall glasses. They were in a crowded room that reminded Lupin of Grimmauld Place in its glory days. A sea of chattering Hogwarts students, Weasleys, and Order members surrounded him. His eyes ran over person after person. Each had a cheery, carefree expression on their face._

_"You looking for someone, Moony?"_

_Lupin turned and came face to face with his best friend, Sirius Black._

_"Sirius!" he cried, grabbing his friend enthusiastically. He hugged Sirius tightly then pulled away to see a very surprised look on his old friend's face._

_"Mate, that was nice and all…" Sirius joked. "but I thought your fancy laid another way…"_

_Before Lupin could ask what he meant, Sirius stepped aside and let someone take his place._

_"Wotcher, Remus."_

_It was Tonks as she usually was. Her hair was short and pink. Her smile was kind and teasing. She stood before him confidently and reached out to intertwine her fingers with his. He was close enough to caught the soft scents of cotton and apple emitting from the pulse points on her neck. Lupin looked down at her joined hands and grinned sheepishly. He couldn't help himself._

_"Tonks…" he said. Her name came out of his mouth like a sigh of relief._

_"Are you ready?" she asked, her almond eyes dancing playfully._

_"Ready for what?"_

_Tonks nodded toward the wall. There, magically floating above the fireplace was a banner that read, "Happy New Year."_

_People around them started counting down from ten. Lupin grinned and looked down at Tonks._

_"You remember how this ends, right?" Tonks asked, stepping closer. "I believe we've done this before."_

_He nodded, eyes fixated on her pink lips. "Oh yes, I remember…."_

_

* * *

_

Tonks was sitting on the edge of the bed dressing one of Lupin's wounds. Judging by the sappy expression on his face, this new dream of his was more pleasant than the last one.

_"Dora…._" Lupin sighed quietly.

She paused and stared at him. Lupin's eyes were still closed, but a smile was creeping up on his face. Tonk didn't know whether to be flattered or confused. Had she heard him right? Did he just say her name?

She leaned in closer, hoping to catch another word from his dream.

The rest happened very quickly.

Lupin's face came forward and he kissed her deeply. She gasped against his lips, obviously not expecting this gesture. Eyes open in shock, Tonks stood still as Lupin's mouth gently pressed against hers. It was a sweet, steady kiss. Tonks' heart swelled in her chest.

_"This isn't real. It can't be real."_ Tonks repeated over and over again in her head .

She didn't listen. Against her better judgement, Tonks allowed her eyes to close and her lips to reciprocate lovingly.

Then, the magical interlude was over as quickly as it had begun.

Lupin laid back against his pillow and sighed.


	33. Chapter 33: The Haphazard Pensieve

**Chapter 33: The Haphazard Pensieve**

Nymphadora Tonks blinked slowly. She touched her lips in shock.

They were still tingling.

She sprang up from the bed as if it were on fire and immediately distanced herself from Remus Lupin. He was still very much asleep, looking peaceful and innocent as if he hadn't just laid a rather sloppy kiss on her unsuspecting mouth. Tonks had to admit, she'd dreamed about kissing Remus Lupin again (many times, actually), but never – even in her most inventive scenarios – had she pictured it to happen like _that._

Lupin rolled over and his body twitched. Quite suddenly the peaceful expression on his face melted away and his face contorted as if something horrific was unfolding behind his eyelids.

"No….NO! Stop!"

His scream made Tonks tense. She bounded forward once more, brushing aside her emotions to help him. In a matter of seconds, Remus was thrashing violently around in the creaking bed, moving broken and bruised body parts that should've remained still.

Tonks raised her wand to immobilize him, but wisely stopped herself. Such a spell might freeze Remus' still healing bones in unhealthy positions and right now that was the last thing he needed.

"AHH!"

He was yelling louder now and his gestures became more frantic. In that instant of desperation, Tonks knew what she had to do. _She had no other choice._

The young witch closed her eyes and cast her spell. Her wand was warm and reassuring between in her slender fingers – as if approving of her choice of action. After reciting the long, complicated incantation, a long string of silver broke apart from Remus' head floated lazily above him. Tonks held her breath, but kept her arm steady as she guided the substance into a nearby glass bowl.

Lupin inhaled deeply, then shuttered. As if his nightmares had never happened, the werewolf rolled over fell back into a deep sleep.

* * *

To preserve her sanity, Tonks spent her next few days of confinement doing anything and everything to keep her mind off Remus' uncertain health. Any task that might distract her was much appreciated; she brewed complicated healing potions, cooked, cleaned, and practiced spell work during her hours of solitude.

Her only link to the outside world was Severus Snape. Snape tried to come everyday, but did so at varying times in order to ward off outside suspicion. He usually managed to smuggle in supplies for Lupin and copies of _The Daily Prophet_ for Tonks.

Tonks and Snape would never admit it aloud, but both looked forward to these visits. While Tonks hungered for news and companionship, Snape - being rather sullen and withdrawn these days (even for him) - secretly enjoyed the short break from reality that Tonk's company provided.

On one particular visit, Snape had walked in unannounced late in the evening and had discovered the young witch on all fours, passionately scrubbing her floor by hand.

"You're cleaning…the _muggle way_?" he asked skeptically.

"I have to do something! I'm here all day and if I don't keep busy, I go mad." She straightened up to greet the secret keeper, brushing off the suds on her hands and heart shaped face as she did so. "Tea?"

Snape grunted indifferently (Tonks had long ago discovered that this was his version of, "_Yes, please. That would be lovely._") and sat down in a nearby chair.

"Any news?" she asked as she handed him the cup. "Any updates from the Order?"

"Nothing that I know of. I haven't been to a meeting in quite a while. Dumbledore prefers that I stay in the castle – especially while he travels."

"Yeah," Tonks said with pursed her lips. "I noticed."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"_What?"_ the professor demanded again. "You're not saying something – I can tell. Just spit it out, will you?"

"It's just…" Tonks started timidly "You've been spending a lot of time with the students this year."

"_I'm a teacher."_

"I know that." Tonks shot back, rolling her eyes. "But, from what I observed during patrol duty….you seemed to be…well…."

"_Yes…?"_ he asked impatiently.

"You seemed to always be two steps behind Draco Malfoy." she finished, looking him right in the eye. "Is he in trouble? Is he up to something?"

Snape's eyes darkened with suspicion.

"Why were you wasting your energy watching Draco Malfoy and I? You were supposed to be patrolling the castle for intruders. _That_ was your job this year, if I'm not mistaken."

Tonks was taken aback by his oddly defensive reaction. "I did my job perfectly well this past year, thank you very much! No need to be so touchy, Severus. I was just making an observation. _Merlin_..."

Snape paused. Lately, ever so often, he noticed that Tonks casually inserted his first name into their conversation. She did it without ceremony – as if she didn't realize how strange and rare that was for him to hear.

"It's just odd." Snape said, his voice softening. "Between you tailing me in the forest and spying on the students in my house –"

"_I wasn't spying on anybody,"_ Tonks clarified with frustration. " I just notice Draco, OK? I mean, he's my bloody cousin, isn't he? I've never met or spoken to him. Can you blame me for being slightly _curious_?"

"No, I suppose I can't…" Snape concluded hesitantly.

"Besides," Tonks continued. "It's not like I need to _spy on you_. You're a member of the Order. I trust you."

Snape opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. For a moment he looked at Tonks – a woman both old enough to fight in wars, but also young enough to still contain an element of naïve innocence. It was a fascinating paradox. He secretly wondered how long it would be until her faith in him dissolved for good. Weeks? Days? He wished he knew.

A few feet away from them, Remus Lupin sighed and rolled over in his sleep. Snape and Tonks looked over at him, redirecting their attention to the patient at hand. Frankly, Snape was grateful for the change in subject.

"Is it normal for him to be sleeping this long?" Tonks asked.

"It varies depending on the injuries…and his were extensive." Snape got up and took a closer look at his former Hogwarts classmate. Remus was regaining the color in his cheeks and his body had calmed significantly over the few days of forced slumber. I looked like most of his major breaks had already healed. "I must say, I am surprised he is sleeping so peacefully. Usually this particular potion results in a rather restless sleep filled with vivid dreams and mem –"

Snape froze. His eyes suddenly fell on the bowl sitting on Remus bedside table. It was a normal soup bowl, but it was filled with a ghost-like silvery substance.

"Oh right…funny you should mention that." Tonks laughed nervously when she noticed Snape staring. "Remus wasn't healing properly with all of his violent dreams so I sort of…um…._eased his subconscious_."

"_You extracted his memories?"_

"Not all of them! Just a few!" Tonks assured him. "I just wanted to lessen his mental burden. It seems to be working now, so –"

"Extracting someone else's memories is a _very_ complex magical process." Snape said in awe.

Tonks shrugged. "I suppose. Not many people can do it, but Moody taught me during my auror training. Of course, I obviously realize it's not appropriate in most situations, but _this was an emergency_. Hopefully Remus won't mind… "

Snape's head went back and forth between the bowl and the witch in front of him. His mixture of disbelief and curiosity was almost comical.

"_Merlin, Severus."_ Tonks smirked. "You have to stop acting so impressed whenever I do something competent."

Snape rolled his eyes. Tonks loved to poke fun at him, but he rarely gave her the opportunity.

"Well, the least you can do it put it in a safe container." Snape scolded, sounding quite like his harsh, normal self again. "Placing memories in an open bowl like this is irresponsible!"

Tonks laughed at his desperate attempt to criticize. "Well, it's not as if I just have vials lying around my apartment in anticipation of scenarios like this one!"

"That's no excuse for sloppiness." Snape shot back. "I suppose I'll just have to bring you some proper equipment tomorrow. In the meantime, I'm sure I can find a better container to use."

Before Tonks could protest, Snape grabbed the bowl of memories and began walking towards Tonks' cupboards.

The next sequence of events happened too quickly to prevent. Forgetting that Tonks' floor was wet, Snape walked over it at his usual brisk pace. In one terrifying, fluid motion his feet went out form under him. Tonks rushed forward, one hand outstretched to catch the bowl while the other attempted to steady Snape. Unfortunately, neither of those things happened and both of them went down, down, down….

Tonks and Snape were falling, pulled partially by the earth's gravity and partially by the bowl beneath them. As the memories sucked them in, neither one had time to notice the body in Tonks' bed stir.

Remus Lupin's eyes shot open.


	34. Chapter 34: The Memories of RJ Lupin

**Chapter 34: The Memories of R.J. Lupin**

It was twilight. Pink and blue hues were streaked across the evening sky, casting a calm and idyllic spell over a cozy, isolated cottage on the countryside.

A little boy – no more than seven or eight – ran happily down a hill in his backyard and savored the cool breeze as it whipped against his face. An inexplicable, carefree innocence danced across his delicate features.

"Remus, it's dark!" a kind female voice called out from his home's back porch. "Time to come inside!"

The brown-haired child giggled at his mother's warning – as though it was just a dare to stay out even later and play. He fell to the ground and allowed himself the roll down the rest of the hillside toward a quaint wooded area near his home. Just beyond the first line of trees, one could make out a small, but sturdy tree house half hidden by the forest's thick branches. Remus rose to his feet with enthusiasm and ran over to his destination.

_But something wasn't right_. Despite the beautiful evening setting and the close proximity of a loving mother, there was an unmistakable sense of foreboding in the air. If Remus had been older, maybe he might've noticed…but in _that moment in time, _his life was beautifully simple. He was just a little boy who wanted to climb his favorite tree.

A terrifying growl filled the night air. Remus didn't even have time to turn his head before a large, gray creature pushed him violently down to the ground. Remus' scream was piercing and unearthly – as though he suspected it might be the last sound he'd ever make on earth.

Quite suddenly, the image of the horrific attack melted away and another setting rebuilt itself from Remus' silvery wisps of thought. A sterile room with padded walls appeared. In the middle of it stood Remus the boy, only this time his neck was littered with faint pink scars. He was innocently blinking up at his parents.

"M-Mom..." Remus's voice was filled with sweet concern. "What's wrong? _Why are you crying?_."

"I'm not crying." she lied despite the fact that tears were streaming down her cheeks freely. "Everything's fine, sweetie. _Everything will be just fine."_

Remus turned at his father for answers, but the man gave him none. Instead, he knelt down to his son's eye level and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"We can't stay, son." said Mr. Lupin regretfully. "I-I'm sorry. Just remember that we love you so much and…"

Mr. Lupin's voice cracked and he suddenly turned away in pain. No longer able to hide his fear, Mr. Lupin took his wife's hand and led her away from the room. The harsh sound of an enchanted lock echoed eerily throughout the now empty space.

Remus' face fell when he understood what was happening to him. "Wait! No! You can't–"

The next moment, a beam of moonlight entered through the single barred window on the wall. Remus' childlike tears suddenly transformed into more desperate sobs of pain. Heaving for breath, the little boy tripped over his feet and banged desperately against the closed door.

_"Mommy, don't leave me in here! Please! I promise to be good! I promise…_"

As Remus clawed at the wood, his fingernails grew…

Without warning, both Remus and the room became a foggy blur and the sobbing child was replaced by an older, calmer version of himself.

Rows of students – first or second years by the looks of it – were drowsily listening to Professor Bins lecture on the Goblin Wars. Remus Lupin was sitting right in the middle of the pack, looking positively determined to absorb the knowledge no matter how mundane or useless it seemed. He bit his lip, bent over his notes, and neatly copied a fact down for reference. It was hard to believe that this highly exceptional, mature child had survived the horrific experiences seen just moments before.

Remus jumped a bit in his seat when a crumpled wad of paper dropped on his desk. When Professor Binns was looking away, Remus gingerly unfolded it and read the message.

**"I know your secret." - L.E.**

As if delicately nodding to his "condition," the author had drawn a small little crescent moon on the corner of the note.

Remus' mouth dropped and looked quickly to his right. A red haired girl with deep green eyes smiled warmly at him and winked.

Her image quickly dissolved and the whole school scene darkened. Lupin's memories reformed, revealing a strange, earthy passageway below ground level. A preteen Lupin was hunched over in pain. Another boy with pale skin, black hair, and a wiry build was watching him in horror.

"_Snape, get out of here!" _

Remus struggled to get the words out. He grabbed the side of the tunnel for support, as if doing so would help him remain upright and human for as long as possible.

"S-Sirus said that you…he said that you…" the young Snape sputtered with wide eyes.

"Nevermind what Sirius said!" Remus cried in agony. "Leave! NOW!"

Snape scrambled away towards the tunnel's narrow exit, but he struggled to find his footing against the muddy walls. The more he tried this, the worse it got. Time was running out and Remus was starting to lose himself in the moonlight.

All of a sudden, another youthful voice rang out above the boys.

"Snape, grab my hand!"

The new arrival looked like an uncanny replica of Harry Potter, only with brown eyes and a more authoritative tone. He peeked through the end of the tunnel anxiously with his arm outstretched towards the still trembling Snape.

"What are you waiting for?" James Potter demanded harshly. _"Come on!"_

Snape reluctantly took James' hand and was hoisted up and out of the tunnel. Now alone and safely away from others, Remus finally allowed himself to collapse...

The scene changed once more, fading into the more calm setting of the Hogwarts Library. A taller, more mature Remus Lupin sat alone with his nose buried in a transfiguration book, muttering spells and facts under his breath. A large "P" was displayed on his chest.

The same red head from the History of Magic class, also older and sporting a prefect's badge, quietly approached her studious friend from behind.

"Guess who?" she asked playfully, covering his eyes.

The teenage Lupin smiled at the welcome interruption.

"_Hello Lily."_

She laughed and took a seat next to him, her long silky hair grazing the tabletop. Something about their body language – her casual squeezing of his shoulder and the steady, comfortable eye contact they shared - hinted at a sense of effortlessness not usually achieved in male-female friendships.

"I'm here to save you." She declared. "Come back to the common room with me. It's chaos without you…."

"Can't." Remus sighed, pointing sadly to his book.

"Geeze, Remus. Live a little."

He rolled his eyes. "You sound like James and Sirius."

Lily scowled. "_Now that wasn't a very nice thing to say!"_

Remus laughed. He turned his head back to his book and took a note with his quill. Lily watched him intently. There was something restrained behind her pretty, pale face…something secretive lurking behind those green eyes of hers. Remus, of course, was too immersed in his reading to notice it.

"Hey Remus?"

"Yeah?" he asked, half listening.

"Annie Browning likes you."

Lupin's concentration broke. He slowly looked up from the text and raised an eyebrow.

"Annie Browning…_the Ravenclaw_?"

Lily nodded. "I heard her talking about you the bathroom." Lily explained, blushing slightly. "She thinks you're tall and good-looking."

"Uh…OK…"

"Well?" she prodded.

"Well what?"

"_Do you like her?"_

"Merlin." Remus said, rolling his eyes. "You're not going to make me talk about girl stuff again, are you? A bloke can only tolerate so much, Lily. I thought we agreed. I'll be your sounding board _only_ in the Room of Requirement...and only in small doses. "

"Stop being silly!" Lily said, punching him lightly in the arm. "In any case, we're not even talking about me, we're talking about you….and you didn't answer my question!"

"What?"

"_Do you like Annie Browning?"_

"Oh." Remus paused in contemplation, attacking the question dispassionately as if it were a question in class. "I don't think so."

"Do you think she's pretty?" Lily pushed, keeping her tone casual and nonchalant.

"Well, I um…" Remus looked rather flustered. "I haven't given it much thought. I'm not sure she's my type, to be honest."

This news seemed to please Lily. She sat up straighter and scooted closer to her friend. _"_So _who is_ your type, then?"

Remus paused and closely examined the curious girl sitting next to him. Something clicked - the moment of realization was visible behind those grey-blue eyes of his. It was as if, for the first time, Remus Lupin noticed the interesting way Lily Evans was looking at him…the way she was talking to him…the way her body was turned towards his own right now...

"Aw, come on, Remus." Lily nudged her friend again playfully and grinned. "You can tell me. You never know…_Maybe the girl you like_ -"

"Lily," he stopped her gently, holding her gaze with more seriousness than was normal for a young man of his age.

Lily's grin faded slowly as she read the look on his face. "Yes?"

"I-I'm not interested in having a girlfriend right now." Lupin's words were honest, managing to be both skillfully direct _and implicit_ at the same time. In fact, it sounded as if there was an unspoken "I'm sorry" attached to the end of his sentence.

Lily most definitely caught his full menaing. She cast her eyes down and smiled, only this time it was fake. "Right, _of course_…that makes a lot of sense."

As Remus closed his book and left the library, the now tense teenage scene transformed completely. Inky figures swirled and solidified, around a small table in a cramped room.

Remus was the tallest man out of the four present, though perhaps the most tired looking. In fact, they all looked like they were around Tonks' age. Despite their youth and solidarity, none of them seemed comfortable.

"The fidelius charm?" Lupin asked, his arms folded and head cast down in disbelief. "Has it really come to that, James?"

James, now a handsome man with round glasses, stood and nodded gravely to his friends.

"Dumbledore has reason to believe that…that _he_'s after Harry."

Lupin's head turned up sharply in disbelief.

"What on earth would You-Know-Who want with a baby?" the young Sirius Black asked. "I mean, I wouldn't put any cruel act past _him_, but still…"

"Dumbledore insists he heard this from a reliable source." James explained. "Harry needs protection now and Dumbledore wants Lily and I to join him."

The last man in the room finally spoke up, though he did so with shifty eyes.

_"You'll need…you'll need a secret keeper."_

"Yes, Peter." James responded. "I think –"

"Well obviously it should be me!" Sirius said in his familiar, commanding voice. The young man stood up and began pacing the room. "I won't fold under pressure, James. You know me. I love Harry. I love you and Lily. _You can count on me_-"

"Surely Sirius," Peter chimed in. "the Death Eaters will be _expecting_ it to be you. Perhaps the obvious choice isn't the best one in this case…"

Silence fell over the room as the men contemplated this statement. Sirius looked rather insulted, but he stopped himself from expressing it. After a moment of careful thought, Remus cleared his throat.

"I'd be honored to be your Secret Keeper, James."

Something strange happened then. A series of ominous glances were exchanged around the table after Lupin's offer – especially between James and Sirius. This wasn't lost on Remus. He saw the way Sirius shifted uncomfortably in his seat and caught James' eye meaningfully. James took in the silent message and responded to Lupin's offer delicately.

"I think...I'll stick with Sirius…" he said slowly.

Lupin nodded, accepting the decision without question. Peter, however, looked quite put out by this choice.

"Well," Peter inserted. "If you ever change your mind, James, I'm here for you."

James Potter smiled gratefully at his friend and squeezed his shoulder.

"Me, too." Lupin added sincerely. "Well just want what's best for you and your family's safety. Any way I can help -"

_"I think you've helped enough, Moony."_ Sirius interrupted. His face was tense and cold. There was something behind his eyes...something that looked strangely like suspicion.

Remus blinked and leaned back in his chair. He stared at the table blankly, looking both hurt and confused by the way his friends were treating him.

Suddenly, a more powerful memory flashed into existence. It overwhelmed the one-room, quiet setting from before.

Now Lupin was alone…sobbing in a wet and dingy back alley of London. The grown man looked overwhelmed, just as the little boy in the large, sterile room had.

In the distance, one could see fireworks and joyful shouting in the streets. Crumpled in Remus' hand was a Daily Prophet with a large headline.

**"HARRY POTTER: THE BOY WHO LIVED"**

The dark alley swirled around quickly and, like ink in water, Remus' memory lazily reformed into the Hogs Head.

Remus had aged slightly and, since the last memory, had allowed his facial hair to grow out more. He was swirling a glass of fire whiskey gently in his hand. Next to him sat the one and only Albus Dumbledore.

"You're very kind to think of me, Dumbledore, but it's impossible."

"Oh." The headmaster responded curiously with twinkling blue eyes. "And why is that, Remus?"

Lupin sighed impatiently, obviously agitated that he had to answer the question at all.

"_I'm a werewolf."_

"Ah…_that_." Dumbledore said casually. "That need not be an issue."

Remus looked at the older wizard as though he had gone mad.

"And what will I do?" Remus demanded. "Be sick once a month? Avoid teaching the students how to spot _someone like me_?"

"You're very hard on yourself, Remus." Dumbledore said, almost amused. "Did it ever occur to you that I asked you here today because you just might be the best man for the job? You were, after all, imperative to the Order's defenses in the last war. What makes you think you can't do this? _Your condition_? If I remember correctly, you managed to earn school awards, a prefect's badge, and top marks at Hogwarts all while suffering that_ condition_. Forgive me for being impatient, Remus, but I'm not longer accepting that as a valid excuse. You'll have to think of something cleverer from now on."

Lupin blinked, obviously still absorbing Dumbledore's words.

"It can be tiring," he confessed to Dumbledore. "keeping the secret, I mean. I just don't think it's going to work."

The headmaster sighed, looking mildly disappointed...as though Lupin had just answered a transfiguration question incorrectly. "Oh, but Remus, you're so very experienced at keeping secrets. You managed to keep quite a large one to yourself for many years...one that had nothing to do with your lycanthropy."

Lupin furrowed his brow curiously. As usual, he had no idea what Dumbledore was talking about.

"_What secret?"_

Dumbledore drained his glass and stood, all while keeping steady eye contact with his former student.

"_That you were the best man out of all of them, Remus_." Dumbledore said very seriously. "But for some reason I will never understand, you were always terrified to own up to that calling."

Remus glupped his drink, but remained silent. He squirmed under Dumbledore's dissecting gaze.

"Oh well," Dumbledore dismissed, back to his more light and wispy tone. "I know you're going to accept anyway, so there's no need to answer me now. You can simply board the Hogwarts Express on the first. I'll see you at at the feast, Remus."

"Wait, how can you be so sure -?"

"Two reasons." said Dumbledore simply. "First of all, I can only imagine how much you want to see Harry…"

The younger man gripped his glass tightly, but was unable to deny it.

"…and, secondly, I know very well how much you've always wanted to be a teacher. It's strange that even now you're still tempted to resist this post that you so obviously deserve. I can see it in your eyes. But, then again, I suppose that _shouldn't surprise me_..."

"W-Why?"

"Well, Remus, I'm not sure if you've noticed this, but you've always been very good at convincing yourself that you don't deserve the things you want."

As if in connection to Dumbledore's wise observation, Lupin's memory was quickly invaded by a pink-haired woman. She tripped forward abruptly into Lupin's arms and locked on to both his gaze and upper body for balance.

"Well, Moony, that's what you get for being late." Sirius' familiar voice rang out. "New Order policy; you must be subject to threats from newly inducted members!"

As Tonks smiled up at Lupin warmly, the scene changed yet again – only now, she was writhing in pain on the floor of the Department of Mysteries. Bellatrix Lastrange was hovering over her, cackling uncontrollably as an epic battle unfolded around them.

_"No…"_ Lupin said in a low, fearful voice.

He began sprinting with wolf-like aggression, but someone beat him there.

"Pick on someone your own size, Bellatrix." Sirius stepped in protectively with a mocking voice.

Lupin watched anxiously the two Blacks dueled back and forth. He fought his way through the crowd to Tonks' injured body. Something horrible, however, broke his focus before he could get to her.

One of Bellatrix's spells hit Sirius squarely in the chest. Lupin watched in horror as his best friend stumbled backwards through the ghostly veil.

"NO!"

It wasn't Lupin who cried out. It was Harry Potter.

Lupin managed to grab the hysterical fifteen-year-old before he could act impulsively, but Harry fought Remus' grip with all the strength he had. The pain on the boy's face was indescribable and Lupin looked torn as to whether he should be holding on to him or joining Harry in revenge.

The emotional scene slowly darkened and the sounds of battle were replaced with eerie nighttime stillness.

Though thin, scarred, and dirty, Remus Lupin managed to emit some humanity and dignity as he sat by a fire near his new werewolf comrades. He was staring into space, his mind obviously on something else that was far away from the suffering in the camp.

"C-can I sit here?"

A young woman hovered above him timidly. Fresh gashes littered her formerly pretty face – no doubt the work of Greyback. Lupin immediately moved over to make room for her.

"Your name is Eve, isn't it?" Remus asked, almost at a whisper. "I thought I heard you mention-"

"Yes, that's right." she nodded. Everything about her – from her trembling arms to her uneven breaths – suggested that she was still very shaken up. "I arrived a few days ago..."

Lupin nodded civilly.

"I've been watching you." Eve confessed suddenly. "_You seem different than the others_."

"How so?"

"I don't know…you're more in control, I guess." she said enviously. "I-I don't think I've accepted all of this yet."

Lupin would've smiled at her or given kind assurance of some sort, but he knew very well that people were watching them. He refrained.

"When did it happen?" he asked.

"I was bitten five months ago." She said softly.

Lupin shifted his eyes back and forth to make sure no one was around before saying, "_You don't have to be here, Eve. I can help you leave if you want. You can go back and –"_

But Eve shook her head. Silent tears streamed down her ragged face.

"I-I have nowhere else to go." she explained. "I don't have any family a-and my fiancé left me after _it happened_."

Lupin tensed. "I'm sorry…truly I am," he whispered very gently. "but please, you have to try and calm down. The colony can't see you act this way."

Obviously understanding his warning, Eve nodded and quickly wiped away her tears.

"What about you? Did you leave anyone behind?" she asked, trying to take control of her shaky voice.

Remus paused, but eventually answered her. "Yes. Yes, I did."

"Did she _know_?" Eve asked curiously.

"Yes."

"D-Did she care?"

For an instant, Lupin allowed a faint smile to appear on his worn face. "No, she didn't."

Eve's eyes widened at his answer.

"_Then why are you here?"_

* * *

**_a/n - _**_Thank you for all of the kind reviews! I'm starting to get back into this sadly neglected story of mine..._=)


	35. Chapter 35: Awake

**Chapter 35: Awake**

Dizzy and gasping for breath, Nymphadora Tonks fell back into reality…but instead of hitting the soapy floor of her apartment, she made contact with something softer.

A deep male voice groaned beneath her.

Tonks yelped and scrambled off Snape, her cheeks pink with embarrassment.

"_Sorry."_ she muttered, still feeling disoriented from all of the very private information she'd just absorbed. "Merlin, I can't believe we just –"

Tonks stopped mid-sentence when she noticed Snape's numb expression. His eyes were glazed over and almost…_sad looking_. She'd never seen him that way before.

"_Severus?"_ she asked with genuine worry, gingerly stepping towards him and waving a hand in front of his face. "Are you alright? You look like you've just seen a –"

Tonks was about to say the word "ghost," but she stopped herself. Using _that word_ now - after witnessing those _particular_ memories with him - seemed beyond inappropriate. After all, Snape had just seen a ghost...many, in fact.

Then, as if turning on a switch, Severus Snape snapped back in character.

"And_ that, Nymphadora_," he drawled condescendingly._ "_ is why you must always store memories _properly_…"

"Oh yes,_ Snape_." Tonks retorted, her heartfelt concern quickly souring. "I'll have to keep that in mind the next time you decide to – quite intelligently - _power walk_ across a slippery floor and fall on your a- "

"Well, maybe you shouldn't have been cleaning the _muggle way_ in the first place!"

"_Well, maybe you should stop being such an arrogant little pr –"_

"Expelliarmus!"

Tonks gasped. She and Snape's wands flew out of their hands. She whirled around anxiously, totally unprepared for the sight before her. As it turns out, Snape and Tonks had been too busy arguing to notice the new, very awake addition to the room.

Remus Lupin reached up and caught their wands with one graceful swipe of his hand. His jaw was tense and his body was in a crouched, defensive stance. If he was in pain, his stoic face didn't betray an ounce of it.

"_Remus…"_

He hesitated at the sound of Tonks' worried voice. His wand arm twitched and, for a second, Tonks thought he might lower his arm. Then, as if shaking himself from a dream, Lupin's face hardened again and he steadied his hand stubbornly.

It took Tonks a while to finally realize what he was waiting for.

"Oh right…" she stuttered, still in shock. "My full name is Nymphadora Tonks. I am a member of the Order of the Phoenix and my hair is usually pink."

Lupin didn't move. Clearly, that information wasn't specific enough for him to stand down.

"The first night we met, I got you and Sirius Black drunk on Firewhiskey."

Lupin softened, but only temporarily. He quickly turned to Snape, who (quite predictably) rolled his eyes at Lupin's overly cautious nature.

"_Oh please. _Are you really -?"

"Just do it, Severus." Tonks snapped impatiently.

"Fine." He sighed. "My name Severus Snape. I made wolfsbane potion for you for an entire year. _You're welcome_."

Lupin was too relieved about the confirmation of their identities to care about Snape's rude tone. He let out a long, heaving sigh and threw the wands back.

The same instant Remus slackened, Tonks lost control.

After almost a year of emotional restraint, her instincts finally revolted against her logic. Without thinking, Tonks bounded towards Remus with tears in her eyes and wrapped her arms around him. He was real - not a memory or a patronus, but flesh and blood. She could feel Remus' pulse beneath her chest and his uneven breath against her neck. With his past fresh on her mind, Tonks suddenly felt so connected to all versions of him - the gleeful boy, the thoughtful teen, and even the conflicted man. She squeezed him gently and took in his familiar scent with great rasping breaths, not caring that Snape was watching or that she and Remus had fought like cats and dogs the last time they had been together in her London flat. No - the only thing that mattered was that he was finally awake and in her arms.

It took the sound of his stifled groan for Tonks to snap back to reality.

She sprang away from Remus, hastily wiping tears from her swollen cheeks. He was wincing now and clutching his side, finally revealing the pain he'd hidden so well just moments before. He staggered away from the guilty-looking Tonks and grabbed the bedpost for balance.

"_W-Where am I?"_ he rasped out with a dry throat.

"You're in my Hogsmeade apartment." Tonks explained, conjuring a glass of water for him. "You apparated here while you were transforming. What was the last thing you remember?"

He paused. "P-punching Greyback."

Tonks couldn't help herself. A beautifully amused and proud expression invaded her heart-shaped face.

"Oh please." Snape rolled his eyes at the sentimental spectacle. _"I'm still here, you know."_

Tonks and Remus quickly looked away from one another, their faces flushed.

Lupin cleared his throat. "H-How long have I been out?"

"Well…" Tonks began. "About five days."

"_Five days?"_ Lupin croaked. "B-but I attacked Greyback! Death Eaters might be tracking me as we speak. _How could you let me stay here - and so close to the school?_ I have to talk to Dumbledore right away!"

Remus ignored his painful wounds and impulsively walked toward the door. Snape, however, stepped in front of the exit and crossed his arms.

"Get out of the way, Snape."

"I'm afraid that's impossible." The professor returned cooly.

"What are you talking about? Let me through."

Tonks touched his arm gently, forcing Lupin to look at her again.

"You can't leave, Remus." she said. "Not right now, at least."

"But –" he protested.

"Honestly, Lupin." Snape cut him off. "You broke your cover, abandoned your duties, and compromised the entire Order! You can't just walk out of this apartment!"

"Snape!" Tonks' warned sharply, but he didn't let down.

"There's a protocol, Lupin – you and I both know it." Snape spat out unapologetically. "If a mistake is made like yours, then one has no choice but to disappear and leave the Order to pick up the mess. _What did you expect?"_

It took a minute for Snape's mixture of logic and insult to sink in to Remus' tired brain. His eyes darkened when the truth hit him.

"_I'm under the fidelius charm, aren't I?" _

Tonks nodded. "We both are, Remus."

He narrowed his eyes and pointed at Snape. "Then what is _he_ doing here?"

A taunting smile spread across Snape's pale face.

"I'm your secret keeper."

_"Y-You? Secret Keeper?"_

"What's the matter?" Snape smirked. He stepped forward, clearly baiting his former classmate. "You don't sound very happy, _Remus_."

"I just don't understand why Dumbledore didn't do it himself!" Lupin countered defensively.

"Well, Dumbledore trusts me. _You see, unlike some people_ I can handle the pressure of an undercover mission. I am an excellent double agent."

"Yes, a little_ too good of a double agent _if you ask me…"

Snape's eyes flashed.

"I don't know what you're implying, Remus, but if you have something to say then I suggest you just come out and say it."

_"Oi!"_

The two men turned toward Tonks – petite and fuming angrily just feet away from their verbal spar.

"Honestly," she hissed with disapproval. "You two are acting like immature school boys!"

Lupin's face softened at her honest reproach, but Snape's remained stony and combative.

Tonks sighed and shook her head. "Remus, there's nothing you can do about all of this now. Dumbledore is fully aware of your condition and everything is fine. You're still weak. Please just calm down, sit, and put something in your stomach."

She flicked her wand and guided a plate of bread through the air to Lupin's night stand. He followed it reluctantly, still casting distasteful, suspicious glances in Snape's direction.

"_And you…"_ Tonks grabbed Snape's arm and dragged him toward the opposite side of the room. "I need to speak with you."

Though agitated, Snape didn't resist.

"_How dare you!"_ she said in a hushed voice once they were out of earshot. "Merlin, Snape! Remus just woke up. Is it really necessary to work him up like that? What the bloody hell has gotten into you?"

"Well, it's true." Snape insisted. "He should be ashamed of himself –"

"Enough of that!" she interrupted sharply. "Neither of us knows the circumstances of Lupin's departure, so stop judging him. Goodness…I've seen you act this way with Sirius before, but he usually deserved it. Honestly, what on earth did _Remus Lupin_ ever do to you?"

Snape opened his mouth, but suddenly faltered. For the first time that night he seemed to be at a loss for words.

"That's what I thought." Tonks said, straightening her robes with authority. "Just say goodnight like a civilized human being and leave. It's late."

"You want me to play nicely to your boyfriend?" Snape sneered.

"He's not my _- Just do it, Snape_!"

"Fine." He said bitterly. He started to turn way, but paused. "Do you need anything?"

"Excuse me?"

"For tomorrow." He explained. "Any supplies I can bring to you? Medicine? Potion ingredients?"

"Oh." Tonks blinked. She never did understand how Snape managed to transition so quickly from complete prat to gentleman in one breath. "Well, if you can swipe some of Padame Pomphrey's balm for scaring, that might be useful."

He nodded civilly, then turned on his heel and walked toward the bed where Remus was practically inhaling his food.

"What?" Remus challenged, setting down his plate and brushing the crumbs off his lap. "Come to criticize me more, Snape?"

Tonks held her breath and caught Snape's eye. _Just walk away_, she pleaded silently in her head, hoping that somehow he might hear her and obey.

Then, like some miracle, Snape _did walk away_. He whipped silently around and walked toward the door with his big, black cloak billowing behind him. Tonks exhaled with relief, but that feeling was sadly short-lived. Just when she thought all was well, Snape froze in his tracks.

His gaze fell on the chipped bowl of Lupin's memories still laying alone and forgotten on the soapy ground. Tonks watched with increasing alarm as Snape's body tensed and his fists clenched at his side.

"_I must say, Lupin…"_ Snape unexpectedly turned around with a twinkle of revenge in his eye. "I expected you _of all people_ to avoid misplaced suspicion in regard to secret keepers."

Remus furrowed his brow. "What are you -?"

"Considering how poorly your so-called friends _treated you_ during that last fideiuls charm…what was it? Fifteen years ago? I assumed you might be more reluctant to throw out accusations."

Remus gaped, totally bewildered. Snape's true meaning didn't sink in until after Lupin followed his line of sight to the ground…to a small, unassuming bowl filled with silvery wisps of memory.

Lupin's breath caught in his chest and he suddenly understood what Snape knew...what he must have seen.

Though outwardly Snape looked just as uncaring and cold as usual, his voice uncharacteristically broke as he delivered his last, wounding jab: "Then again, perhaps Potter was wise to distrust you in the end, Lupin. After all, you were more _a favorite_ of Lily's, weren't you?"

And with that, Snape finally left the room.


End file.
